Life Is But A Dream...
Mad men define what mad is
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Post by fleabittengray on Feb 26, 2017 15:43:20 GMT -7
She felt so weak. It was a weakness that radiated from the very core of her bones. Every move she made hurt, every undeeded breath left her lungs stinging. It had taken so long to walk here, from the pits of Hell, but the very thought of flying... she just couldn't do it. Her wings felt so heavy. She was barely able to hold them against her sides as she approached the gates of Utopia. Her vision was blurry, but she could still see the gates. Using the last bits of her strength, she pushed onwards, the gates party to allow her entrance to her domain. But Utopia was not kind to the Lady as she entered it. Immediately, it set to work on ridding her of the immurities that had been left upon her soul during her stay in the Underworld. The intensity of her made her knees buckle and she nearly collapsed, her blurred vision going black for a moment. It was like having a draft horse run and collide right with her chest and despite her lack of a need to breathe, it took her breath away. Tears formed in her eyes. This was even worse than when she had come home after her battle with Artemisia. Even Utopia could not rid her of the heavy depression that was settling upon her. As quickly as she could, the dark bay limped to a secluded part of Utopia, hoping that the others would not find her. She did not want to be around the other angels. They couldn't see her like this.
He labored breathing became sobs, her wings no longer held at her sides but drooping down towards the ground, feathers tips brushing against the emerald grass as she limped along. She felt so lost, so broken. She used the last bits of her strength to force away any of Utopia's positivity, not allowing it to dull the pain at all. Right now, she didn't feel like she deserved it. She didn't deserve any of this. She should have just stayed in the Underworld and let Letherblaka torture her. She was a worthless soul, a failure. Nothing she did ever went right. She had failed her angels time and time again. There had to be someone more worthy of being a leader. She should just drift off into obscurity like the rest of the Ladies before her. Another sob wrenched through her body and she stumbled, tears streaming down her cheeks. She forced herself to take a few more steps, approaching a tree, and finally she leaned against it, the sobs leaving her too weak to stand on her own. She never should have taken the challenge of becoming Utopia's leader. Who was she to take on such responsibilities? She didn't deserve such a title. She was nothing but a failure.
And to make matters even worse, Venture was no longer around. His essence was gone from Utopia, and she could feel the lack of leadership. Like all the Lords before him, he had abandoned Utopia... She moaned in agony, closing her eyes and dropping her head. Venture had been doing so well! She had started to think he might have been the one that would stick by her. They had been planning for war... and now he was gone... and she was on her own. Always on her own, always so lonely. She was so goddamn lonely all the time. It made her feel so heavy, so weighed down. She ignored it most days but now, after being in the Underworld, she could no longer ignore it. She just wanted to be loved. She wanted affection. She wanted so much more than she would ever get. She would never have a lover. She would never be in love. She would never experience companionship like that. And she wanted it so bad, she wanted to feel wanted. Was that too fucking much to ask for? What had she ever done in her life not to know love? Was she cursed to never experience it, to never be touched by someone that loved and respected her? All she had ever known was rape and a spur of the moment fuck; she didn't even understand why she had let Psychosocial mount her. She had just... been lonely. Always so lonely. Never enough for anyone. She was so worthless, so undesirable. Fucking pathetic. She should just leave. Everything was pointless. Everything was worthless. She would always be a failure.
"Mommy?" The voice was so soft she almost didn't hear it at first, but when she did, she choked on another sob and lifted her head, blinking glistening brown eyes. There, standing before her, was her son. Her son that had been in the Underworld, or so she had believed. He was peering at her with cautious, worried eyes, a frown on his lips. He looked... he looked fine. Strong. Like the Underworld hadn't affected him at all. Rasa let out another sob, the sound making her son flinch. "Don't cry, Mommy, it's okay!" the little colt sad, toddling forwards. He nuzzled his small head against Rasa's chest and the danish warmblood continued to cry, curling her neck around the small boy. "It's okay," he repeated, his voice slightly muffled by her chest, and Rasa closed her eyes. The smallest inkling of hope began to blossom within her, tears leaking from the corners of her closed eyes. Leviathan was here. He wasn't hurt. He was fine. The Underworld hadn't hurt him. He was home.
"My precious baby boy," the bay choked out, hugging the colt tighter against her. "You are right. Everything will be okay..." She trailed off, trying not to think about how the words tasted like a lie. She swallowed down the rest of her sobs, forcing herself to take deep, painful breaths. She had to be strong. She had a son to take care of. She could not fail him like she had failed all of her daughters. She couldn't allow this depression to control her. She had to be strong. For Leviathan. For Utopia. She was their only hope now. She could not let them down. Not again. "I promise you everything is going to be okay."
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