Roleplayer & Character: Misty & Whales
Quality of Quantity: 12
Comments: Your posts were a reasonable length, but I would have liked to have seen more detail in your attacks and a little more expansion on equine anatomy.
Although I did not take points away for this, the red on the grey background really bugged my eyes. Could just be me but when you changed it to the black font it was fine.
The posts focused on the here & now/ fight but the flow was broken by mixed-matched past/present tense. The later posts were cleaner in flow and easier to read. Overall the quality was good & the pace was fast ( which is good for a fight, it keeps the action going ).
No God Modeling or Power Playing: 13
Comments: There was one point where I got confused. "The stallion spotted that the mare weakness. The sunshine was blinding her which could be his advantage" You did not note how he was able to tell this or why he knew/notice. Otherwise it just seemed like he knew but yet he wouldn't unless it was obvious but I believe Enmity was not making it obvious.
I feel as if some of your language suggested a little bit of God modelling.
I didn't see any power playing
Realism of Attack: 13
Comments: No issue with this.
The attacks were realistic with rearing, biting and kicking. He utilized his surroundings in the beginning with the dust.
I found these attacks to be fairly simple, it would have been nice to see some more complex actions that could be seen from a stallion in a fight taking place in reality.
Attack Compared to Opponent: 13
Comments:Good to go.
I would have liked to have seen more complex counter-attacks.
Played very well on both his handicaps and the perceived handicaps of his opponent. Wales/Castell Nedd seemed more aware of his injuries and worked with them to make his strikes. Overall everything seemed better pulled together in attacks. There was more to read about the attacks, as well. Castell Nedd did use the chosen surroundings in the fight, noticing and stirring up the dust with the hope of affecting his rival.
Completion of the Form: 13,5
Comments: Was not too sure about the Dodge Power part.
In two of the forms you put % for height.
I did dock 0.5 of a point for 17% instead of 17hh.
Spelling and Grammar:7,5
Comments: I noted numerous grammatical and spelling errors. Most of these can be remedied if you opened a word document and copied and pasted your post into the word document and/or double-checking your post after its been finished. For the most part, however, your posts do flow well enough
Simple errors but nothing major. A few misspellings.
Watching her wound bleed from the wound he created was wonderful, he hoped it hurted like. Like what? Also Hurted is not a word.
There was a lot of mixed past/present tense mix-ups and it appeared that words were missing/forgotten in sentences. Other words were repeated in two sections of a sentence as though you didn't quite decide what it was that you wanted to say.
SCORE: 72
Roleplayer & Character: Deadly & Enmity
Quality of Quantity: 13,5
Comments: I found your posts to be a pleasant size with a decent amount of relevant details. A little more detail on equine anatomy would have been beneficial.
Nothing here.
The flow was good and remained on the present. For the length the content was focused and easy to follow.
No God Modeling or Power Playing: 15
Comments:Good to see how she lives with her clouded eye and how it effects her battle.
I did not notice any God modelling or power playing.
I didn't see any power playing happen.
Realism of Attack: 13,5
Comments: Good.
The attacks were realistic but with all the emphasis on her handicap neither attack really played off of or defended this. She essentially acted and moved as though she was not hindered by a blind eye and the dust/sunlight that was emphasized as being a nuisance. The wounds were treated as minor but described as worse later without limiting her movements.
I found these attacks to be quite realistic, clear, and easy to follow.
Attack Compared to Opponent: 12,5
Comments: Nothing to say.
I liked how your counter-attacks and found they made sense.
Handicaps were mentioned as a nuisance but not really used in the attacks. The strategy of targeting Castell Nedd/Wales in his blind spot was excellent however the noticed weakness in his legs was left ignored/abandoned as a potential strike zone after being noticed. The attacks were short and crisp with less to read about them. Over all the writing was wonderful and it was easy to read the attacks, there just needed to be a little more to them.
Completion of the Form: 15
Comments:
Nothing again.
Everything was completed with no errors in any of the form copies.
Everything seemed in order to me.
Spelling and Grammar: 11,5
Comments: Simple errors. Some sentences felt off when reading them out loud. A few periods missing. dislocate his jaw at that exact moment in time,
There were a few small errors, mostly in the form of incorrect punctuation or capitalization. It did not break up the flow of the posts.
I noticed a couple grammatical and spelling errors. Try double-checking your replies before posting them and/or copying and pasting into a word document. I found your posts easy to read and they flowed quite well.
SCORE 81
CONGRATS TO DEADLY WTIH ENMITY !