Roleplayer & Character: aliyaah
Quality over Quantity:
- All the posts were fun to read and it was great to see a lot of talk about Siavash's injuries playing into her fighting. The posts seemed to be more focused on how they were written and the attacks rather than quantity or rushing.
- Didn't notice anything that I could not read or understand. Good post with a ton of description for the environment and attacks.
- Posts were detailed but not overly done. It was easy to picture what Siavash was doing.
- Took into account not only how the terrain was affecting Siavash, but Cathair as well.
- Siavash's reaction to Cathair's second attack was spot on. Good job taking note on how it would have affected him, as well as reacting to the attack itself and noting how the terrain had her at a disadvantage.No God Modeling or Power Playing:
None.Realism of Attack:
- The first attack was well detailed and easy to understand and picture.
- Attacks were realistic, except Siavash's hooves would have to be actual knives to be able to cut through to organs and there's no real way to sharpen a horse's hooves to this extent. Half a point, because the attack itself is realistic, but it's written as if the goal is to cut straight through and that is not.
- Good job noting her injury in the second attack and noting how it would have affected the quality of the attack.
- All of the attacks were good in this fight.
- The third attack felt a little more rushed, but still detailed enough to picture.Attack Compared to Opponent:
- Good and within reason, given the power playing that was done.
- The reaction attack to try and bite Cathair's head was very realistic and planned out. I appreciated Siavash's attention to how much movement and energy it would take. The same feeling went for her final attack when she was taking great consideration with her injuries.
- Attacks were better detailed.Completion of the Form:
- Completed in all posts.
- Wonderful, even included images that I've never seen used before.
- Always complete.Spelling and Grammar:
- "fore limb" needs to be one word x2
- "she had done what she had came here to do," needs to be "had come here"
- Basic spelling errors and a few miss placed commons and a couple that need to be added.
- travelling - Should be traveling.
- hoofsteps - Should be hoof-steps or hoof steps.
- With each step she then took - Should be "With each step she took," otherwise it sounds off.
- This battle would be the ideal situation in which to utilize Siavash’s fatal talent, and hopefully - There should be a comma after hopefully.
- With every step she gained more certainty, and with every step - There should be commas after both steps.
or the excitement she felt from the prospect of combat - Should be "at the prospect of combat"
- her blood hued vocals landed upon a figure in the distance. - Vocals would be something to do with the voice, not eyes, which is implied by the sentence.
- It moved in a rather casual pace - Should be "it moved at."
- she focused most of her energy into her left side - Should be "on" not into.
- she had done what she had came here to do, - Should be "come" not came.TOTAL: 82.5Roleplayer & Character:
@dingdong with CathairQuality over Quantity:
- The sentences read choppily in a lot of places, with almost all of them starting with "he". There are many instances where more than 3 sentences in a row start with "he would/had/did" and it's distracting. It seems like the posts were more focuses on how much instead of what was going into it, with parts being redundant or rushed. "He flung his back feet into the air hoping for his back feet to hit her already injured shoulder." - in example of redundant writing.
- His sleek and slender form meant that his feet did not dig into the ground as much. The sand was wet and his feet sunk into the sand a bit more than usual. - The sentences just seem... out of place, I guess? Goes from talking about not sinking into the ground and then immediately after how his feet are sinking into the ground more than usual.
- There were various sentences where a semicolon was used instead of a comma.
- A lot of sentences seemed rushed or out of place. There were places where it would have been best to start a new paragraph to make the flow of words better, to make them make more sense. Better wording of things could have helped this as well.
- In the second attack, I liked how it was noted that the attack could also bring pain to Cathair as well.
- The pain shooting through his body was becoming hard to ignore; his teeth biting into his tongue as he tried to distract himself from it. - This sentence at the end of her post just made it seem like a rushed ending.No God Modeling or Power Playing:
- I'm in agreement with Ali that it seemed a bit like power playing to have Cathair go on with his third attack before Ali could have Siavash react. She wasn't able to say is Siavash had let go of him or not.
- Power play was noted by the other role player. Always give your opponent options.
- Getting down to the technical part of power playing, Cathair throws his head back in an attempt to release himself from Siavash's teeth. Ashy goes ahead with the assumption that Siavash has released Cathair, therefore moving Ali's character without permissionRealism of Attack:
- Attacks are realistic.
- The first attack felt rushed. There was this whole big post that only led up to a couple of sentences of an attack. Not really described, which would have been better.
- The second attack also felt rushed but was described better than the first. Still difficult to picture, though.
- Good attacks for the space given. A quick battle that could have been more thought out.Attack Compared to Opponent:
- Cathair's second attack was interesting, using it as a breaking free combination with an attack. Then, using his hooves instead of his hurting head takes his injuries into account. However, it felt as if more planning went into his opponent's attacks and all thoughts about his smaller size or the wet terrain went out the window.
- Siavash's attacks were better details and easier to picture.
- Power playing was noted and did not give options like the opponent gave.Completion of the Form:
- Completed in all posts.
- Health didn't go down in the second post when he was injured.
- Again, health didn't go down in the third post when he was injured.
- Cathair's health percentage is not updated on any post.
- Health was not affected on the last two post, but injuries where noted. Spelling and Grammar:
- and as King - Comma after King.
- He had not wanted to get personally too involved - Should be "too personally involved."
- He could feel his teeth digging in to her flesh. - Should be "into."
- Blood and carnage was - Should be "were."
- Many grammatical errors that I could count. Over usage of ; but it could have been , instead.
- "Uncalled for" needs hyphen
- "He had not wanted to get personally too involved yet he had no choice." needs comma after "involved"
- "It was perhaps cocky or arrogant of him to think that but..." needs comma after "that"
- so she couldn’t get a good grip of him - Should be "on him."
- It would be more ideal - Should just be ideal, not more ideal.TOTAL: 65.5
The winner is Aliyaah with Siavash