[aliyaah]

I AM GOING TO DESTROY EVERYTHING YOU LOVE.

Name- Siavash
Breed- Anglo Arabian x Quarter Horse x Welsh Mountain Pony
Age- 3
Gender- Mare
Height- 15.1hh
Alliance- Dark (Helkaer)
Health- 100%

Terms: 3 hits, 0 dodges, 5 days to reply. The winner gets Caiomhe.

    ”Annihilate him.” These had been her mother’s words. With all the anticipation that had built surrounding the war, Siavash had been just waiting for a moment such as this one. A moment where she would get the chance to prove herself, a moment both to better introduce herself to the inhabitants of Wild Equines, and to reveal the savage creature she had been groomed to become. She knew her task. It was not necessarily expected of her to slaughter the King, especially when she was so young still and lacked experience on the battlefield. Nevertheless, she was entirely expected to cause some damage to the one named Cathair. Even more so, she was expected to disease him. This was why Sly had conceived her - with the intent of creating a cambion child in order to use as a lethal weapon. This battle would be the ideal situation in which to utilize Siavash’s fatal talent, and hopefully it would prove effective in hindering the Neutral Royal’s progression against the Helkaer Brotherhood in this war.

    With their battle terms finally agreed upon, Siavash made haste in travelling to The Battlefield - a place where she had once been shown, but she had never entered. She crossed the boundaries of its domain now, her fifteen point one hand high frame moving with an unanticipated delicacy as her chrome flints came to make their first steps upon the grainy surface. The skies above darkened, chaotic clouds obstructing any sunlight that might have attempted to reach the surface, their shadows darkening her half coal hued bodice even further. Droplets of water fought to escape their hold overhead, several beginning to make their success and falling unwelcomely to the earth - and soon enough, the heavens opened up to let an onslaught of liquid fall from its grasp. The sand beneath her shifted to swallow her hoofsteps, its consistency giving in just such a way that it hindered her movements slightly. She would have to take care to remember this and account for it during her battle, for it would take her more effort to tread upon this terrain, and she did not wish to make a mistake because she hadn’t calculated her steps correctly. With each step she then took, she noted how it felt when the ground shaped to her hooves, how it gave in to her weight. With every step she gained more certainty, and with every step she was brought even closer to battle. Siavash knew little of her opponent, and so her path into the battlefield was bringing her to face the unknown - but she had no doubt in her capabilities and that she would thrive. Taking several final strides, she halted at the spot that she would make her stand. The rain now poured unconstrained from the skies, and Siavash's bodice trembled - whether it was from the chill of the rain, or the excitement she felt from the prospect of combat, she wasn't sure. Nevertheless, she stood firm and ready despite the conditions, crimson chasms darting out to her surroundings in attempt to find her adversary. He should be here soon - and she was prepared.

Tagged: @dingdong with Cathair
Muse: Decent
Words: 500+

Hits remaining: Three
Dodges remaining: None

[Deleted]

Name- Cathair
Breed- Thoroughbred x Arabian x American Paint Horse x Welsh Sec. A
Age- 3
Gender- Stallion
Height- 14.1hh
Alliance- Neutral
Health- 100%


Terms: 3 hits, 0 dodges, 5 days to reply. The winner gets Caiomhe.


Cathair had not been prepared for his Queen to declare war on the Helkaer group. He didn’t think it was entirely uncalled for though. He was all too aware of the things the Helkaer had done to provoke her declaration and as King he had no choice but to agree. Cathair was a pacifist though and pacifists were generally not a huge fan of going to war. Cathair could see the harm that the Helkaer had caused and it stirred quite a bit of anger inside. He would not be a very good King if he ignored the chaos that they had caused. He had not wanted to get personally too involved yet he had no choice. The decisions he and Kalila made were made together. They had gone on the offense when they stole the Helkaer Commander and her ever so loyal sidekick. He should have expected them to retaliate; it was the nature of war. He had not been expecting the victim to be his mother. It had shaken him to his very core that they would stoop so low. He inwardly yelled at himself for being so naïve. They would go for where it hurt the most; the Helkaer had never been forgiving. It had been foolish of him to think they would just go after the residents of Tremela Woods. Nothing was fair when it came to war and Cathair could only guess that it would get even worse.

The sky above was a dark gray and it was not long before the rain started pouring down. He could already tell that the rain would make things slightly harder. It was horrible timing for the weather to be behaving like this. It could hold advantage for him though if his opponent was bigger than him. His sleek and slender form meant that his feet did not dig into the ground as much. The sand was wet and his feet sunk into the sand a bit more than usual. He would have to take note of that. His journey into the battle field was taking a bit longer than he had expected it to. Cathair noted that it was probably due to the nervous feeling that was eating away at him. He had never participated in a battle before. He had practiced a little when he had time off from his duties but it didn’t compare to the actual thing. He did know that there was no way he could lose this battle. If he lost this battle his mother would be stuck in Oinaze for a whole two weeks. Every step he took brought him closer to his enemy; it wasn’t long before he saw the shadow of a figure in the distance. He did not move any faster than the fast walk he was already doing. He didn’t want to use up all of his energy before the battle. He did go at a fast walk to warm his muscles up at the very least.

His opponent was a black and white painted mare; about a hand bigger than him. He was pleasantly surprised by the fact that his opponent didn’t loom over him in height. There was a symbol on her side that suggested she was one of the cambions that he had heard so much about. He only saw it when he got within speaking distance of the mare. He supposed that the Helkaer were hoping to kill him in this battle; if not that a bite from a cambion would kill him. He might have been more concerned about it if he didn’t have Utopia backing him up. It was perhaps cocky or arrogant of him to think that but he had faith that Utopia would help him out if he needed it. The Neutral Kingdom could not afford to be down another King. “I suppose you must be Siavash,” he said with an empty tone. He was trying to figure out what the best way to start his attack. He had the benefit of going first it would seem and he was not going to wait to have a conversation. He stood exactly in front of her; charging her would likely be expected. The mare was only a hand bigger and not built like a tank. She was still a much different build than what he was. He was still scrawny in comparison; sleek and slender.

He would have to use his build to his advantage; something he would figure out as he went along. He didn’t wait long before making his move not wanting the mare to get to it first. His legs shot out from underneath him as he charged the mare; his neck stretched out and his teeth bared. He hoped to take a snap at her shoulder but any part of her body would do. He came to a stop; his feet slipping slightly on the wet sand beneath his feet. He paid no attention; not allowing the little slip and slide distract him from his goal. He reached out with his teeth; searching to grab a hold of some skin. The blood pumping through his veins had sped up making it so that all he heard was the thumping of his own heart. He didn’t know if he had met his target or not.


Tagged: aliyaah with Siavash
Muse: Decent
Words: 800+

Hits remaining: Two
--- Attack #1: He charged at her and aimed with his teeth to take a good bite at her; aiming for the shoulder.
Dodges remaining: None

[aliyaah]

I AM GOING TO DESTROY EVERYTHING YOU LOVE.

Name- Siavash
Breed- Anglo Arabian x Quarter Horse x Welsh Mountain Pony
Age- 3
Gender- Mare
Height- 15.1hh
Alliance- Dark (Helkaer)
Health- 87%

Terms: 3 hits, 0 dodges, 5 days to reply. The winner gets Caiomhe.

    The storming skies were relentless as they continued to expel their liquid upon the waiting mare. After some time had passed, giving the rain time to find purchase upon her frame and leaving it damp and chilled, her blood hued vocals landed upon a figure in the distance. It moved in a rather casual pace - one that was brisk, but not portraying any urgency. Siavash remained planted where she was, firm in her grounding and letting him come to her. Her look was one of wariness, and deadliness, as he approached - and she was attentive to every move that he made, even as he drew to a concise halt before her. When he uttered the statement acknowledging her identity, she simply offered him a curt nod to confirm - in turn, it confirmed to her that he was the one that she was expected to face. She would not waste her breath on talking, as that was not what they were here for. She waited patiently, standing solidly before him while she silently offered him the chance to make his move first. While she remained on this stand-by she hastily took the time to assess the stallion, to determine what sort of opponent she was up against. There wasn’t anything extraordinary to make note of - he was smaller than her but only slightly, his build was nothing impressive, his muscle tone was not defined from dedication to training. When push came to shove, Siavash was certain she would win in a contest of brute force. Nevertheless, she would not be so foolish as to underestimate him due to his physical appearance. Her assessment was interrupted, however, when Cathair finally decided to make his move. He suddenly launched towards her, his painted bod driving straight at her, ready to cause her some damage.

    His teeth landed on their target - sinking into her right shoulder, crunching down into her muscle through her flesh. She winced as she felt the pain immediately shoot into that area, a devastating ache consuming her from her lower nape and down through her right fore limb. It was not deep enough to tear the muscle completely - perhaps due to his unsteady approach from the difficult terrain - but it was certainly enough to do damage to her, and to most likely hinder some of her movements further along in battle. Biting her tongue to bring her attention away from the agony being caused by Cathair, she let her training take hold and flowed through the action. Automatically reacting to the position that she was in, she took advantage of the fact that Cathair was, by all means, attached to her. He was well beneath her now, having needed to drop his head in order to access her shoulder, leaving his crown exposed. Siavash reached downwards, teeth bared and aiming to grab hold of the top of his nape, just behind his ears. If she were successful in grasping him, it would not only target a vital part of his head, but would also render him incapable of moving much otherwise. She was larger than he was, and she had faith that she could overpower him and bring him to his knees from this point. Thankfully, this movement did not require her exerting much effort on her now injured shoulder, so it did not reduce her ability to attack or cause any more pain beyond what she was still feeling from his incisors piercing her. All she could hope was that she would land this attack, and it would help in removing him from her so that he was no longer masticating on her bodice.


Tagged: @dingdong with Cathair
Muse: Decent
Words: 600+

Hits remaining: Two
Dodges remaining: None

Attacks
Attack 1 (THIS POST): Utilizing the fact that Cathair lowered himself and made his head vulnerable, she aims to plant a bite on his neck just behind his ears, with the intent to cause muscular damage and hindering the movement of his head, as well as hoping to use this point as leverage. Link Link (I found images so I could reference and visualize better what was happening)

Injuries
Injury 1: Cathair successfully sank his teeth into Siavash's right shoulder, piercing skin and digging into muscle. It did not tear muscle, but left a muscular contusion, in addition to the superficial wound. This injury will affect Siavash's mobility through her entire right shoulder and leg.

[Deleted]

Name- Cathair
Breed- Thoroughbred x Arabian x American Paint Horse x Welsh Sec. A
Age- 3
Gender- Stallion
Height- 14.1hh
Alliance- Neutral
Health- 100%


Terms: 3 hits, 0 dodges, 5 days to reply. The winner gets Caiomhe.

His teeth had managed to sink into her shoulder; the taste of blood filling his mouth. Cathair had been tempted to stop right then; disgusted by the flavor of the blood. He could feel his teeth digging in to her flesh. It tasted like blood and salt; it made him wonder how one could do this for a living. Blood and carnage was something that Cathair tried to avoid on a daily basis. His pacifist views had been thrown out the window when they had declared war. He would have to learn how to live with violence; even if it killed him. He barely had time to register things before a piercing pain shot through his neck. He felt the mare’s teeth sink into his skin; then the muscle that lay underneath the skin. It occurred to him that the mare’s jaw was just above his head. In her haste to get him to let go of his hold on her shoulder she had left the underside of her head vulnerable. His teeth had relaxed its hold on her shoulder; but quickly moved to enact his counter strike. He threw his head back sharply; rising on to his back legs. The move had been made to shake her off; but it had also served another purpose.

The hope was that with his sudden movement his neck or top of his head hit her jaw. His hope was that it would at the very least bruise the muscle in her jaw so she couldn’t get a good grip of him with her teeth again. The worst damage he could do with the counterattack was breaking her jaw; though that would bring considerable pain to him. He couldn’t tell if he had hit his mark; but he did know that his neck was throbbing. His counterattack had only added to the pain; turning his head made things extremely painful. His next line of attack could not be made with his mouth. He wasn’t willing to endure that kind of pain; it would only make his injury worse. He could open his mouth well enough; but inflicting harm on another required him to move his head. He didn’t leave himself much time to think about his next line of attack. His adrenaline was pumping quite fast through his veins; the mare could have struck out at him again. He wouldn’t have known; his mindset was focused on finishing this.

He whirled around ignoring the pain that shot through his body; his lips pressed tightly together to bear through it. He flung his back feet into the air hoping for his back feet to hit her already injured shoulder. Anywhere on the chest would do; he didn’t care as long as his feet connected somewhere. It would be more ideal for him to hit the already injured shoulder. It was his hope to make it too painful to move with her right front leg. The pain shooting through his body was becoming hard to ignore; his teeth biting into his tongue as he tried to distract himself from it.

Tagged: aliyaah with Siavash
Muse: Decent
Words: 500+

Hits remaining: Zero
--- Attack #1: He charged at her and aimed with his teeth to take a good bite at her; aiming for the shoulder.
--- Attack #2: With her hold on his neck he rose up on his hind legs to shake her off; but with the hopes of hitting her jaw in the process; if successful it would bring him some considerable pain to his head as well.
---Attack #3: He whirled around and took aim at her right shoulder again with his back hooves. His hope is to make it extremely painful for her to move.

Injuries:
One – He has an open wound on his neck not too far away from his ears. It bit a way into the muscle and makes it extremely painful for Cathair to move his head.
Dodges remaining: None

[aliyaah]

I AM GOING TO DESTROY EVERYTHING YOU LOVE.

Name- Siavash
Breed- Anglo Arabian x Quarter Horse x Welsh Mountain Pony
Age- 3
Gender- Mare
Height- 15.1hh
Alliance- Dark (Helkaer)
Health- 60% - she is suffering from an extremely bruised jaw, as well as a severe muscle contusion and a fracture in her right shoulder.

Terms: 3 hits, 0 dodges, 5 days to reply. The winner gets Caiomhe.

    She felt her enamels successfully make contact with Cathair, sinking through his skin and firmly closing upon muscle. Blood rushed into her maw and pooled on her tongue, leaving her with the familiar taste of iron. She was well acquainted with this taste, and she greeted it like an old friend - because it meant a triumph, even in the smallest degree. It began to leak down her chin and combined with the rain to stain the soil they stood upon. Now that she had a hold on him here, he would have to be careful in his next move. She was hanging tightly onto such a sensitive spot in the body - the joint where his skull met his spinal cord. Any wrong movement - or any right movement from Siavash - could crank his neck in the wrong direction, and snap it beneath the strength of her clamp on him. She felt a slight release as he removed his own incisors from her shoulder, but only just - the sharp pain still remained, reminding her of her injury, and she felt her own liquids rushing towards the ground. In a split moment, he was moving once more to continue on to his next attack. He rose up into her - an odd move, considering he was pushing himself towards more pain. She still had a firm grip upon his nape, and certainly the sensation that he was feeling from his attempt to shake her was an excruciating one. Nevertheless, she felt the discomfort in her jaw as his body forcefully slammed upwards.

    There was a distressing crunching sensation as his cranium shoved towards the back of her mouth, pain consequently shooting into it. She didn’t think that he had broken it - surely she would have no more strength to hold onto him if it was fractured. She attempted to still hold him despite the demanding ache that was in her jaw, but when she went to plant herself to counteract his movement, she felt her hooves slide on the slick sand, causing her to be more unstable than she would have liked. In order to better gain her grounding and to avoid being taken advantage of in this precarious state, she released her hold on him. Nearly immediately she now steadied her hind hooves, digging her daggers into the sand to anchor herself. As soon as she did this, she propelled herself upwards, lifting her front limbs off the ground. Cathair had risen onto his back limbs himself in order to push up against her, and so Siavash sent her flints flying. His belly was exposed - and if she could make contact in the right spot, her sharpened hooves might be able to slice close enough to his underlying organs, a move which could be detrimental to him. Her legs moved in a desperate fury, poised and dangerous. As she sent them forwards, the injury she had sustained on her right shoulder greatly impeded her ability to move her right fore limb with much force. While she still extended it onwards in the strike despite her bodice screaming at her, she focused most of her energy into her left side, which would be more effective in landing a hit. Uncertain as to whether or not she had made contact, she dropped her forelimbs back to the granular terrain, feeling a piercing pain shoot up her injured shoulder. She wanted to grit her teeth so that she could focus on that instead - but when she started the action, she was also reminded by the ache in her jaw that this was not the wisest of decisions.

    Without pause Cathair then whirled around, and sent his back legs flying in her direction. She only just had enough time to raise her dial to make sure that he didn’t hit anywhere near her head. Due to this, he landed a hit directly on her chest, one that would be hard enough to cause severe bruising, and perhaps even a slight fracture. She instantly felt heat rush to the stricken area, her blood pulsing and pooling under where his hooves had been. The impact on her right side, however, felt horrific in comparison to her left - her injured shoulder shook beneath the strain, threatening to give out on her from his percussion. It took all the willpower she had to keep that limb beneath her, despite how desperately it wanted to give away. By this point, she was drenched - both from the rain pouring down upon her, as well as the sweat from the exertion of this battle. She was gasping for breath - nares flared, fiercely trying to consume as much oxygen as she could. Her muscles quaked beneath her dual toned coat, screaming at her for respite - but she ignored them. With one last desperate effort, she pushed herself forwards towards the Neutral King. As he had kicked out with his back legs, this had placed Siavash at his rear. Focusing all her efforts on using her three good limbs, she swiftly maneuvered up towards his right side. Planting her left fore limb beside him and not bothering with her right one, she reached her skull out and aimed her fangs for his stifle. If she could sink a solid bite into him here, she could make a real mess of his leg. A stifle injury could completely impede his ability to use said limb - a benefit for all the Helkaer allies who might have to face Cathair in the future. As she reached, jaw open wide, she felt the effects of his recent attack take hold. The muscles of her maw began to spasm from the piercing ache that rushed through them at the movement. Still, she persevered in her action - she had been trained to endure such pain. Then, uncertain to whether she had been successful, she hastily dragged herself away from him and out of his proximity for another attack. This act of protecting herself forced her to use her damaged limb, causing her to be in so much agony that she felt physically ill. Her hooves failed to gain much traction on the sand and she slipped, resulting in her right forelimb finally crumbling beneath her and she stumbled. She caught herself and hissed angrily, feeling foolish. She glared at the so called king, frustrated that he had been able to land such effective hits, and that the resulting injuries had made her look weak. For a moment, the thought crossed her mind that she should get over herself - she had done what she had came here to do, and that was to maim the king as much as possible, as well as to disease him. But Siavash was not so easily satisfied. Although law and agreement dictated that she could not attack him further, the fury within her longed to take another shot. Even so, she suppressed the desire, as the battle was over. All that was left to be seen was whether or not her attacks were as effective as his had been - and who would arise the victor.

Tagged: @dingdong with Cathair
Muse: Good
Words: 1195

Hits remaining: None
Dodges remaining: None

Attacks
Attack 1 : Utilizing the fact that Cathair lowered himself and made his head vulnerable, she aims to plant a bite on his neck just behind his ears, with the intent to cause muscular damage and hindering the movement of his head, as well as hoping to use this point as leverage. Link Link (I found images so I could reference and visualize better what was happening)

Attack 2 (THIS POST): When Cathair pushed up to dislodge Siavash's bite, Siavash tried to take advantage of the fact that he left his belly exposed, and slashed at his underbelly with her daggers, hoping to slice him close to his organs.

Attack 3 (THIS POST): When Cathair turned away from her and put him at her hind end, she used the fact she was towards his rear and charged up his right side, aiming a bite for his stifle, hoping to cripple his left hind leg.

Injuries
Injury 1: Cathair successfully sank his teeth into Siavash's right shoulder, piercing skin and digging into muscle. It did not tear muscle, but left a muscular contusion, in addition to the superficial wound. This injury will affect Siavash's mobility through her entire right shoulder and leg.

Injury 2: Cathair slammed his head upwards into Siavash's jaw. While it didn't break, he severely bruised it.

Injury 3: Cathair successfully landed a kick on Siavash's chest, his right leg aligning with her already injured right shoulder and causing it to fracture under the stress.

OOC. I thought it kinda seemed like power playing a bit when he continued on to his third attack before I wrote Siavash's reaction to his second attack? I say that because if I had chosen for her to not let go of Cathair and instead per say for her next attack to be to try to force him to the ground, he wouldn't have been able to turn away from her so freely to kick at her with his hind legs? So just curious about that cause it didn't give me the option to decide what she was doing next. xDD

[Deleted]

Name- Cathair
Breed- Thoroughbred x Arabian x American Paint Horse x Welsh Sec. A
Age- 3
Gender- Stallion
Height- 14.1hh
Alliance- Neutral
Health- 100%


Terms: 3 hits, 0 dodges, 5 days to reply. The winner gets Caiomhe.


Hits remaining: Zero
--- Attack #1: He charged at her and aimed with his teeth to take a good bite at her; aiming for the shoulder.
--- Attack #2: With her hold on his neck he rose up on his hind legs to shake her off; but with the hopes of hitting her jaw in the process; if successful it would bring him some considerable pain to his head as well.
---Attack #3: He whirled around and took aim at her right shoulder again with his back hooves. His hope is to make it extremely painful for her to move.

Injuries:
One – He has an open wound on his neck not too far away from his ears. It bit a way into the muscle and makes it extremely painful for Cathair to move his head.
Two -- Siavash's hooves slashed at his underbelly, which sliced it open, and tore a small hole in one of his organs. Too much exertion causes it to grow bigger, and steady amount of blood loss. He will need to pay a visit to the afterlife if he wants to survive.
Three -- Siavash got a good bite on his stifle; the recovery process for that will be long and painful as every movement he makes reopens the injury. Once healed, the limp in his leg will never quite go away which could prove detrimental to him in future battles.
Dodges remaining: None


Written For: aliyaah with Siavash
Amount Written:
Noteworthy: I'm sorry if it was powerplay; that was not my intention at all D:.

[aliyaah]

this battle is now ready to be judged.

[➳ T e c h n o ➳]

I will tally.
Waiting on judge collection: Yes
Judge 1 Collection: Done.
Judge 2 Collection: Done.
Judge 3 Collection: Waiting
Tally-ing Scores: Waiting

[➳ T e c h n o ➳]

Roleplayer & Character: aliyaah with Siavash

Quality over Quantity: 15
Comments:
- All the posts were fun to read and it was great to see a lot of talk about Siavash's injuries playing into her fighting. The posts seemed to be more focused on how they were written and the attacks rather than quantity or rushing.
- Didn't notice anything that I could not read or understand. Good post with a ton of description for the environment and attacks.
- Posts were detailed but not overly done. It was easy to picture what Siavash was doing.
- Took into account not only how the terrain was affecting Siavash, but Cathair as well.
- Siavash's reaction to Cathair's second attack was spot on. Good job taking note on how it would have affected him, as well as reacting to the attack itself and noting how the terrain had her at a disadvantage.

No God Modeling or Power Playing: 15
Comments:
None.

Realism of Attack: 14
Comments:
- The first attack was well detailed and easy to understand and picture.
- Attacks were realistic, except Siavash's hooves would have to be actual knives to be able to cut through to organs and there's no real way to sharpen a horse's hooves to this extent. Half a point, because the attack itself is realistic, but it's written as if the goal is to cut straight through and that is not.
- Good job noting her injury in the second attack and noting how it would have affected the quality of the attack.
- All of the attacks were good in this fight.
- The third attack felt a little more rushed, but still detailed enough to picture.

Attack Compared to Opponent: 15
Comments:
- Good and within reason, given the power playing that was done.
- The reaction attack to try and bite Cathair's head was very realistic and planned out. I appreciated Siavash's attention to how much movement and energy it would take. The same feeling went for her final attack when she was taking great consideration with her injuries.
- Attacks were better detailed.

Completion of the Form: 15
Comments:
- Completed in all posts.
- Wonderful, even included images that I've never seen used before.
- Always complete.

Spelling and Grammar: 8.5
Comments:
- "fore limb" needs to be one word x2
- "she had done what she had came here to do," needs to be "had come here"
- Basic spelling errors and a few miss placed commons and a couple that need to be added.
- travelling - Should be traveling.
- hoofsteps - Should be hoof-steps or hoof steps.
- With each step she then took - Should be "With each step she took," otherwise it sounds off.
- This battle would be the ideal situation in which to utilize Siavash’s fatal talent, and hopefully - There should be a comma after hopefully.
- With every step she gained more certainty, and with every step - There should be commas after both steps.
or the excitement she felt from the prospect of combat - Should be "at the prospect of combat"
- her blood hued vocals landed upon a figure in the distance. - Vocals would be something to do with the voice, not eyes, which is implied by the sentence.
- It moved in a rather casual pace - Should be "it moved at."
- she focused most of her energy into her left side - Should be "on" not into.
- she had done what she had came here to do, - Should be "come" not came.

TOTAL: 82.5


Roleplayer & Character: @dingdong with Cathair
Quality over Quantity: 9.5
Comments:
- The sentences read choppily in a lot of places, with almost all of them starting with "he". There are many instances where more than 3 sentences in a row start with "he would/had/did" and it's distracting. It seems like the posts were more focuses on how much instead of what was going into it, with parts being redundant or rushed. "He flung his back feet into the air hoping for his back feet to hit her already injured shoulder." - in example of redundant writing.
- His sleek and slender form meant that his feet did not dig into the ground as much. The sand was wet and his feet sunk into the sand a bit more than usual. - The sentences just seem... out of place, I guess? Goes from talking about not sinking into the ground and then immediately after how his feet are sinking into the ground more than usual.
- There were various sentences where a semicolon was used instead of a comma.
- A lot of sentences seemed rushed or out of place. There were places where it would have been best to start a new paragraph to make the flow of words better, to make them make more sense. Better wording of things could have helped this as well.
- In the second attack, I liked how it was noted that the attack could also bring pain to Cathair as well.
- The pain shooting through his body was becoming hard to ignore; his teeth biting into his tongue as he tried to distract himself from it. - This sentence at the end of her post just made it seem like a rushed ending.


No God Modeling or Power Playing: 12
Comments:
- I'm in agreement with Ali that it seemed a bit like power playing to have Cathair go on with his third attack before Ali could have Siavash react. She wasn't able to say is Siavash had let go of him or not.
- Power play was noted by the other role player. Always give your opponent options.
- Getting down to the technical part of power playing, Cathair throws his head back in an attempt to release himself from Siavash's teeth. Ashy goes ahead with the assumption that Siavash has released Cathair, therefore moving Ali's character without permission

Realism of Attack: 14
Comments:
- Attacks are realistic.
- The first attack felt rushed. There was this whole big post that only led up to a couple of sentences of an attack. Not really described, which would have been better.
- The second attack also felt rushed but was described better than the first. Still difficult to picture, though.
- Good attacks for the space given. A quick battle that could have been more thought out.

Attack Compared to Opponent: 12.5
Comments:
- Cathair's second attack was interesting, using it as a breaking free combination with an attack. Then, using his hooves instead of his hurting head takes his injuries into account. However, it felt as if more planning went into his opponent's attacks and all thoughts about his smaller size or the wet terrain went out the window.
- Siavash's attacks were better details and easier to picture.
- Power playing was noted and did not give options like the opponent gave.

Completion of the Form: 9
Comments:
- Completed in all posts.
- Health didn't go down in the second post when he was injured.
- Again, health didn't go down in the third post when he was injured.
- Cathair's health percentage is not updated on any post.
- Health was not affected on the last two post, but injuries where noted.

Spelling and Grammar: 8.5
Comments:
- and as King - Comma after King.
- He had not wanted to get personally too involved - Should be "too personally involved."
- He could feel his teeth digging in to her flesh. - Should be "into."
- Blood and carnage was - Should be "were."
- Many grammatical errors that I could count. Over usage of ; but it could have been , instead.
- "Uncalled for" needs hyphen
- "He had not wanted to get personally too involved yet he had no choice." needs comma after "involved"
- "It was perhaps cocky or arrogant of him to think that but..." needs comma after "that"
- so she couldn’t get a good grip of him - Should be "on him."
- It would be more ideal - Should just be ideal, not more ideal.

TOTAL: 65.5

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The winner is Aliyaah with Siavash