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Post by Deleted on Nov 25, 2017 19:15:06 GMT -7

Name- ziegenbock Breed- paint x arabian x shire x appaloosa x andalusian x appedeix quarter horse Age- 5 years Gender- stallion Height- 18.0 Alliance- unallianced Health- 90% - malnourished
The chimera stallion was feeling better now that he had spoke to his father about two weeks ago. His body was slowly recovering from being emaciated and scared from his struggle in the human world. He never wanted to see that place again and he was going to do everything in his power to make sure that it never happened. As he spent time at home resting he learned of the war that was upon the neutral alliance between the Healker and now the Dark Royals had joined in. It was triggering the stallion's memories of the humans but he did his best to push them away, trying to bury them deep within the corners of his mind.
As the stallion stood within the Dark Woods the smell of smoke was burning his nose and his sister had come to him. Telling him that his home was now on fire and that Xerxes had stolen Cathair. His mind seemed to whirl with the options of what he should do and he knew that somebody needed to fight for the king. The neutrals could not afford to lose Cathair as Kalila had disappeared out of the blue. With the absence of one royal, he knew that somebody needed to fight. He was not sure if he was in the best shape to be fighting, he would do what it took to protect his family. Though he knew it was not only his family that had things at stake here, something would be done.
The stallion sent word that he would fight Xerxes for Cathair and that the dark brute should meet him on the battlefield. Ziegen traveled quickly to the battlefield, his muscles working in over drive to push his large frame onward. The stallions hooves soon slid on the cracked dirt. He found himself looking over the battlefield, the smell of rust hit his nose. He snorted and raised his head, his pale blue eyes searching the land. It had been years since he had even been close to the battlefield but now he was ready to set his own hooves on it. He felt proud that he was about to do something that could help more than just his family, a whole alliance. He knew his father was doing what he could to help or at least he prayed that Spike was helping out some where.
As he waited for Xerxes to show, the stallion lowered his head for a moment and gave thanks to both the Lord and Lady. Praying that they would watch out for him during this battle and that they would lend him the strength that he would need to win this battle. When he was done he lifted his head high and took a deep whiff of the wind, hoping to catch any telling scent but he came up short with any direct answer. He grew tired of waiting but he wanted to be on his A game and not bite off to much more than he could chew as he waited.
Terms: Winner get's Cathair. Hits: 3 1: 2: 3: Dodges: 1 1: Days: 5 days to reply Words: 1500 Max Injuries: None Tagged: A z z y
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Post by A z z y on Nov 27, 2017 6:22:24 GMT -7
To the edge, until we all get off I will take you away with me Once and for all
Name- Xerxes Breed- Nonius x Friesian x Andalusian x Percheron x Hanoverian x Shire x Zebra x Fjord Age- 9 Gender- Stallion Height- 18.2hh Alliance- Dark Health- Physical - 100% (carrier for VHF ) Mental - 80% (psychotic outbursts due to carnivorous diet)
The ashen stained behemoth moved with an ethereal grace despite his towering size as he made his way towards the infamous battle grounds. So many disputes had been settled here - land, lovers, quarrels. Things that now seemed so trivial to the monarch as he silently pondered the inability many seemed to have to simply compromise. Xerxes had offered to up the stakes of this battle, to test the beast that had challenged him. The winner would take the neutral king and his son, Ragnar. Yet, nothing was fair in love and war and this time, he would grace the battle ground for Cathair alone. Stupid, foolish bastard of a king. Xerxes had made his point clear - he would not get involved with the war unless the helkaer truly needed him or it became personal. Cathair had made it personal. Swiping his son from under his nose once more, Xerxes was done playing nicely - no longer would he sit idly by. He had pulled the only card he had in his deck without declaring an all out war against the neutral alliance - taking the king for his own, leaving the kingdom ripe for the picking should the helkaer wish to do it. Xerxes prayed they would burn the kingdom to the ground, leaving nothing and no one alive. The dove stained leviathan arched an insidious brow as the topography shifted from almost lush meadows to sand and dirt, the trees haggard, their skeletal fingers scratched at his flesh as he made his way beneath their empty boughs, a well worn path leading him to where his opponent might be.
There was no flicker of fear in his gut, a fragile concoction of insult, hunger and the need for vengeance. He had stolen a king and they sent a stranger, a beast unknown, unheard of by him, if anything a mere herd member of one of the lands beneath Cathair's rule. How pitiful. Xerxes scoffed, his lobes flattening against his atlas as he made his way towards the battle grounds, his nares quivering as the scent of this unknown beast entered his synapses, the electrical pulses fired down his spine and to every muscle, adrenaline quickly followed, turning his blood to acid. Pulling his chin towards his chest, the obsidian pointed planes of his physiognomy remained vertical, his lobes pulled taught against his atlas, remaining down wind of the beast who waited oh so patiently for the king's arrival. Xerxes allowed a hollow chuckle to escape his larynx, his well muscled rib cage shuddered gently in response as he stood at the edge of what was to become their battle ground, his tissian pools ablaze as they honed in on the spine of his opponent. Xerxes quirked a brow in amusement - not only did the neutral alliance send someone unworthy, they sent someone unfit - was this really the best they could do? Xerxes trailed his gaze over the gaunt appearance of the multi toned adversary, the bastard's ribs and spine were visible enough - an advert for neglect, for charity. Xerxes took perhaps an inch or two in height, but undoubtedly, he was in better physical condition.
Clearing his throat, the heathen king announced his presence, awaiting for the beast to face him before he lowered his crown to the earth, his gaze remained entirely upon the bastard as his lips sought out a broken bone buried just under the surface of the sand. Holding the balled end of the shard, Xerxes swung it back and fourth six times, catching and slicing the skin on his shoulders and chest, blood pouring suddenly from the deep cuts. Did nobody prepare the boy for this? Had nobody clued him in that he was a child of the underworld - a biochemical warhead riddled with a disease that would kill him? Poor bastard. Spitting the bone towards the feet of the oddly toned beast, Xerxes allowed a deviant smirk to cross his kissers then. Is this all Cathair and the neutral alliance could muster? he shook his head in mock disapproval. The battle would be quick at least...
His muscles shook from where he had sliced them, the incisions deep enough to bleed but not deep enough to hinder his capabilities. Xerxes took a moment longer, allowing the beast one opportunity to flee, counting down from ten silently within his head before mentally shrugging. Moment gone. Xerxes snorted, backing up three steps as he drew his nape in towards his chest. His mass leaned back on his haunches striking the air between them once before pushing himself forward, his knives marring the dirt with half crescents as he devoured the gulf between them in three easy strides. Xerxes positioned himself to the left of his opponent, yet at the last moment switched to his right, his mass rocking back onto his hind legs as his teeth bared, aiming to hook a singular forelimb over the bastard's withers whilst hoping to grasp at his nape in an attempt to use his mass to bring him down to the earth below him, where he truly belonged. (847 words)
wordsthoughts/listeningstandard text Terms: Winner get's Cathair. Hits: 1/3 1: Reared up on his right side, attempted to hook one forelimb over his withers whilst biting down in his neck in an attempt to push him to the floor. 2: 3: Dodges: 1 1: Days: 5 days to reply Words: 1500 Max Injuries: None Tagged: @starlight Time will see us realign Diamonds rain across the sky Shower me into the same realm 
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Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2017 12:19:47 GMT -7

Name- ziegenbock Breed- paint x arabian x shire x appaloosa x andalusian x appedeix quarter horse Age- 5 years Gender- stallion Height- 18.0 Alliance- unallianced Health- 87% - malnourished
Ziegen stood in the battlefield quietly, waiting to hear for any sort of sign from the dark king Xerxes to show. He knew not what the stallion looked like or what he was about and that was fine with him. He did not need to know everything, the only thing that he knew was that he was fighting for Cathair. The neutral king did not need to be in the hands of the darks after all Cathair had stolen the dark kings son fair and square. But then Xerxes decided that he would steal Cathair in return and did not even give them a chance to protect him, so it was time for a fight.
If the dark kingdom and the bloody healkers wanted a fight, the neutral alliance would give them one. It was not long before the dark hellion came into view and Ziegen snarled with disgust. Was this whole the darks had ruling them? This gray beast was strange and he looked like he belonged in the Underworld but Ziegen knew it was too late to back out now. The stallion let out a small breath blow though his lips slowly as he watched and waited. Ziegen was about to speak out but stopped, watching the as the other found a bone in the dirt and began to scratch himself with it. The other cut themselves deep enough that blood began to seep out and onto the ground. Ziegen let out a growl and narrowed his eyes, searching for any sign of why he would have done this.
But as Ziegen over looked the grays form, he spotted a strange symbol that was on the stallions hip. He did not get a good feeling from this and he knew that he would need to be careful of the injuries that he took with his weakened body. Ziegen took a couple of steps forward in the direction of the other as the stallion spoke. 'Is this all Cathair and the neutral alliance could muster?' Ziegen understood that he was talking about the under nourished state of his body. Ziegen scoffed and took this moment to speak out to the dark king. "I was first to volunteer, it's not all that they can muster. But I am all that they will need." he spoke outward.
The young stallions words where bold, but he hoped them to be true. He had prayed for his father's blessing in this fight, hoping that he could find the strength that he needed to win this fight and give a spark of hope to the neutrals. As he waited to see what sort of plan the other was putting together, he did not want to be the first one to attack. Xerxes took three steps backwards and took his head in towards his chest and leaned backwards and launched himself forward. Ziegen shifted his weight on his hooves, sliding them into the dirt as he prepared his counter attack. The stallion was upon him within three strides, which gave him very little time to think of what he was going to do. The stallion ducked down, almost falling to his knees when the other raised up above him and drug a front hoof over his back.
Ziegen moved to stand up again but was met with teeth on his neck and a crushing force that was trying to drag him down. The stallion struggled to stay on his feet and turned his head, before he gave a good buck doing his best to raise himself up as high as possible. With his head still turned Ziegen reached out with his teeth and aimed to take a good chunk of skin from the stallions armpit and upper leg area. He might be stuck with a demon on his back, but he wasn't about to give up yet.
Ziegen took a deep breath and let his body fall to the ground, preparing to take weight from the stallion that was on his frame. Ziegen felt the hard ground of the battle field under his body like he had just slammed himself into a brick wall. His breath was gone, but he could not stay down for long. The stallion quickly rolled his body and used his hooves to kick at the gray stallions underside as he rolled over and back onto his hooves. While he scrambled to get up, he knew he was completely open to Xerxes next attack.
Terms: Winner get's Cathair. Hits: 3 1: Bucked while Xerxes had a hold of his neck/withers and attempted to bite his upper leg / armpit area. 2: Dropped his weight to the ground and rolled, using all fore of his hooves to attempt to attack the underside of Xerxes. 3: Dodges: 1 1: Days: 5 days to reply Words: 1500 Max Injuries: 1: Bite mark on his withers and neck area. Unknown damage at the moment. Tagged: A z z y
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Post by A z z y on Dec 2, 2017 15:14:47 GMT -7
To the edge, until we all get off I will take you away with me Once and for all
Name- Xerxes Breed- Nonius x Friesian x Andalusian x Percheron x Hanoverian x Shire x Zebra x Fjord Age- 9 Gender- Stallion Height- 18.2hh Alliance- Dark Health- Physical - 100% (carrier for VHF ) Mental - 80% (psychotic outbursts due to carnivorous diet)
A mildly bemused twitch shivered over the handsome planes of his physiognomy, a brow quirking in a silent response as the brute bit back a somewhat expected retort. All that the neutral kingdom would need? Xerxes could not stifle the urge to roll his hell hued voids, the broiling flames lingered within his pools for a moment longer before a sinister chuckle escaped his larynx. Ah yes - just what the neutral kingdom requires in it's moment of need... Xerxes dragged a fore dagger lazily over the sedimentary surface, the blood already beginning to coagulate in crimson scars down his ivory shoulder. Another tragic waste of skin. Xerxes allowed a hollow chuckle to reverberate within his chest before he attacked, his twin pools of hell fire honed in on the bastard, heat seeking missiles set to destroy. And the ashen king did not miss his target. His forearm draped over the ridged spine of his opponent, exposing his side and underarm to the beast, a mark he did not fail to take advantage of. The dust hued beast bucked once, his dial swinging round to grasp at Xerxes' brisket, the thin yet pliant layer of epithelium was severed, blood suddenly coursed freely down his ribs as he remained atop his adversary. The claret spread over the beast beneath the king, rolling along his body until he gave way beneath Xerxes, quickly moving onto his back and dicing at the white body above him. Three blows landed, and even the son of the devil could not help but allow a low snarl ripple from within him as a rib gave way. Pain shot through his chest, the splitting of bone and the repetitive thuds against his intercostal muscles sounded out throughout the scrabbling of hooves on dirt. Xerxes saw his opportunity once more, his lobes taught to his poll as he watched Ziegen roll onto his front, readying himself to rise.
Xerxes knew that to maintain the upper hand, Ziegen needed to remain beneath him, he needed to spend his energy on trying to get up, to try and over power his adversary. Xerxes knew that to keep him where he needed him, he had to move hastily. Xerxes turned suddenly, spinning on his hocks before rushing backwards, positioning himself to the left of Ziegen as he began to rise. Pain shivered through his entity, the force of his muscles working against the fractured rib and torn under arm sent waves of agonising heat through his forehand. His breaths left him in forced and jagged pulses, his nares rippling as he prepared himself to attack, the force needed for the imminent brutality was almost unbareable. Almost instantaneously, the heathen king threw his hind end towards Ziegen, his obsidian pointed crown tucked neatly between his legs as he sent his hind daggers towards the beast in a series of three bucks, one after the other, each one aimed around Ziegen's forehand. Xerxes needed to deliver at least one solid blow; a task that seemed almost impossible as his foreleg began to buckle from the throbbing pain. The first had been aimed at the shoulder and neck area of the bastard, the other two were aimed much closer to his face. The pallid king would be lying if he said he didn't want to kill the shit, or at least, leave him brain dead for his failure of a king to stumble upon. How he would laugh when Cathair would discover that this war spread a lot further than just the confines of his abode. Xerxes could not help but feel a small glimmer of smug satisfaction that the helkaer had spread their fiery palms around the throat of Cathair, he could not deny that it didn't make his loins quiver ever so slightly now that chaos was finally free of it's moral incarcerations - how foolish was the once queen to declare a war she would not, or could not, fight.
Xerxes tucked his hind end under him easily, pushing himself off and away from the multicoloured bastard, his nape curled in elegantly as he threw his atlas once towards the heavens, his pistons pushing him away from his adversary in a somewhat uneven thrice beat. The ashen king knew to take advantage of the space, he knew that he had to wear Ziegen down, make the birdie sing for his supper, even if it sincerely pained him to move away with such force. Xerxes came to a halt suddenly, his forelimbs bracing as his hind end tucked beneath him. Pain shot through him, the wave of heat throbbed within his muscles, shock waves of abhorrent agony rolled throughout his ribs and chest area, constricting his pupils as once more he honed in on his target. Crimson splashed his pallid hide in a stark contrast, who's blood it was was yet to be known, but even in the waning and ineffective winter sunlight, it was almost mesmerising. Rubies on ivory, highlighted by streaks of ebony and ignited by tissian pools of hell fire. Xerxes allowed his tongue to slither from behind his pearly whites, tucking his crown in towards his chest as a low rumbling laughter escaped him. Come now boy, take your aim. he spat, slicing his cords against his hide, mimicking that of a feral feline, allowing Ziegen a free shot. The opportunity would only present itself this once - and even Xerxes doubted that he would let the boy off easily... (908 words)
wordsthoughts/listeningstandard text Terms: Winner get's Cathair. Hits: 2/3 1: Reared up on his right side, attempted to hook one forelimb over his withers whilst biting down in his neck in an attempt to push him to the floor. 2: Moved away after Ziegen's attack to Xerxes' underside, turned and bucked three times instantaneously, aiming for Ziegen's shoulder/neck/head (checked with staff to make sure this attack is legit as one) 3: Dodges: 1 1: Days: 5 days to reply Words: 1500 Max Injuries: 1 - Torn brisket; a jagged injury that will heal in time, but for now is debilitating and incredibly painful. Risk of infection is high. 2 - Broken rib and bruised muscles; will heal in time, but right now is making breathing difficult and painful. Tagged: @starlight Time will see us realign Diamonds rain across the sky Shower me into the same realm 
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2017 15:16:38 GMT -7

Name- ziegenbock Breed- paint x arabian x shire x appaloosa x andalusian x appedeix quarter horse Age- 5 years Gender- stallion Height- 18.0 Alliance- unallianced Health- 60% - malnourished, injured and infected
The painted stallion felt a lot of pain in his body, it seemed to travel from his hooves all the way up to his head. He prayed that he could make it out of this battle in one piece, though he knew he would take a few hits before this was over. But thankfully there was only three solid attacks allowed and he was hoping that the king would obey the rules they had set forth. His head jerked when Xerxes laughed a little before he spoke. When the dark king spoke he snorted a bit in annoyance, but he didn't want to spew words in a retort. The stallion was playing with the blood that was coming from his shoulder that was on the ground below him. 'Sickening.' Ziegen though to himself.
He watched as the other had come his way and the attacks as began and he wanted to get this over with so that way Cathair could come back home. What happened to him mattered not, as long as the king was released. When he had reached for the underarm of Xerxes, he felt blood squirt on his face and release inside of his muzzle. When he had hit the ground it seemed that Xerxes did not move fast enough for he landed three of his hooves on the white beast's stomach. But he knew he was weak when he was scrambling to come up from his place on the ground. The thundering of hooves told the stallion that he needed to move with such haste, but he was too late. The sudden pain of hooves hit his withers, neck and bridle path. The stallion had done his best to duck away, trying to keep his head out of the damage path and the hooves of Xerxes had just him.
The kicks from the king had left imprints in his skin and caused bleeding. He was not sure if they would scar or not, but they where spewing blood in spots down his neck and shoulder. When the stallion finally got to his hooves, he turned to look at Xexers. He stretched his neck, feeling out the extent of the bruising that was occurring at the moment. As he took a moment to think of his last attack he noticed that their blood was mixed upon them both and it seemed that he would not be safe from what ever the dark king carried. Xerxes spoke to him and he snorted, pinning his harks for just a second as the flicked his tail as well. He was annoyed that the king would speak to him like that, but he shrugged his shoulders and winced. As he let out a growl the stallion charged forward.
Thundering forward as he charged the gray beast, he found himself rearing up before the king. He looked down, anger spread across his face as he lifted his head to look at him as if he was looking down at him. He then let his hooves fly out, aiming to put a a couple of slash's on the kings face, neck and nose. When he was finished he slammed back down on the ground, hoping to still be within mere inches of the dark king. He let out a snort and pulled his muzzle tight, as if to show his teeth.
Terms: Winner get's Cathair. Hits: 3 1: Bucked while Xerxes had a hold of his neck/withers and attempted to bite his upper leg / armpit area. 2: Dropped his weight to the ground and rolled, using all fore of his hooves to attempt to attack the underside of Xerxes. 3: Came towards Xerxes and reared up, using his hooves to strike out against his face, neck and nose. Dodges: 1 1: Days: 5 days to reply Words: 1500 Max Injuries: 1: Bite mark on his withers and neck area. Missing some skin and flesh on his withers. 2: Hoof imprints and deeper cuts on his neck, withers and near his bridle path. Will create a blood bruise later on. 3: Tagged: A z z y
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Post by A z z y on Dec 8, 2017 14:42:27 GMT -7
To the edge, until we all get off I will take you away with me Once and for all
Name- Xerxes Breed- Nonius x Friesian x Andalusian x Percheron x Hanoverian x Shire x Zebra x Fjord Age- 9 Gender- Stallion Height- 18.2hh Alliance- Dark Health- Physical - 100% (carrier for VHF ) Mental - 80% (psychotic outbursts due to carnivorous diet)
A smug grin curled his labrets as realisation seemed to dawn upon his tri coloured adversary - he would not be escaping the wrath of the disease that lingered in the king's blood. Xerxes shook his nape almost triumphantly, his hungry eyes ran over Ziegen, a low chuckle escaping him as he watched the beast's ears flatten in response yet he offered no verbal retort.A low growl escaped the attacker and Xerxes allowed a deviant chuckle to escape him, his own lobes lowering into ivory graves, the silken tresses incarcerating the triangular structures as the assailant thundered towards him. Time seemed to suddenly slow, each stride Ziegen took seemed to last a lifetime, yet Xerxes had only exhaled once in that space of time. His eyes seemed to illuminate then as he watched the bastard's haunches slide under him, the muscles and tendons working in perfect harmony to hoist his frame up from the earth in a ferocious rear, his knives cutting at the stratosphere around Xerxes' obsidian pointed physiognomy. The heathen king grinned up at the angry face that peered down at him, a devilish wink sent to the beast before time seemed to speed up once more. Turning on his hocks suddenly, he felt two of the blows Ziegen delivered land on the muscled planes of his spine.
One blow tore the pliant flesh, leaving a long jagged line of scarlet, the blood flowing almost willingly from within him. the other battered the already tensed muscles of his hind quarters. Without a second thought, the heathen bastard threw his skull between his forelegs, the agonising ache from his chest and forelimbs shot through his claret marred embodiment, his pupils constricting, honing in on the mental image of the beast behind him as he willed his body to comply with him, for now. His hind limbs were shot upwards, aiming for the exposed underbelly of the bastard. Xerxes didn't care what damage he did now - he didn't care if the neutral scum was sent flying backwards or if he tore him open. Xerxes no longer felt anything but the need for vengeance, to prove a point. The force in which he had kicked out at Ziegen blurred the actual moment of impact, if there was in fact one. Any successful attack made was blurred by the burning agony that rippled through his body. His molars ground down upon one another, clamping down on the tender inner flesh of his chasms, molten iron filling his saliva, rolling the now crimson stained fluids around his mandibles before spitting the wine hued liquids onto the topography between them. Xerxes allowed a rumbling chuckle to resonate between them, the wounds that spurted blood now began to drip slowly, the beat in his chest did not mimic his heart but the vibrating energy of his exhausted muscles. The heathen king snorted, dipping his skull to his bloodied opponent before turning on his hocks, limping slightly as the adrenaline faded, heading home to recover and await the verdict of the battle.
wordsthoughts/listeningstandard text Terms: Winner get's Cathair. Hits: 1/3 1: Reared up on his right side, attempted to hook one forelimb over his withers whilst biting down in his neck in an attempt to push him to the floor. 2: Moved away after Ziegen's attack to Xerxes' underside, turned and bucked three times instantaneously, aiming for Ziegen's shoulder/neck/head (checked with staff to make sure this attack is legit as one) 3: Whilst Ziegen was rearing up at him, spun around and kicked up at his exposed underbelly/chest Dodges: 1 1: Span his body away from Ziegen rearing to avoid his face/head being injured Days: 5 days to reply Words: 1500 Max Injuries: 1 - Torn brisket; a jagged injury that will heal in time, but for now is debilitating and incredibly painful. Risk of infection is high. 2 - Broken rib and bruised muscles; will heal in time, but right now is making breathing difficult and painful. 3 - One deep laceration along the top of his hind quarters, deep bruising to the area. Minor lameness and stiffness, will heal in time. Tagged: @starlight Time will see us realign Diamonds rain across the sky Shower me into the same realm 
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Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2017 12:12:02 GMT -7

Name- ziegenbock Breed- paint x arabian x shire x appaloosa x andalusian x appedeix quarter horse Age- 5 years Gender- stallion Height- 18.0 Alliance- unallianced Health- 55% - malnourished, injured and infected The tri-colored stallion knew that he had put up a good and hopefully decent fight against the dark stallion. The gray beast seemed to have taken on some damage, though he was in a lot better shape than Ziegen was to start off. As he took a moment to look at his injuries, he knew he would suffer a horrible fate if he could not find a way to be cured.
The gray beast and chuckled softly before laughing after Ziegen had growled. He had rushed forward during his last attack to show Xerxes just what he was dealing with. But the gray beast almost escaped him, causing both of his hooves to land attacks on the gray beast spine. The flow of red trickled down the gray's beast and in that moment, Ziegen watched as Xerxes turned to attack in return.
In the moment of the attack Ziegen moved, his hooves slipping from him and he nearly missed the attack that was meant for him. He found himself falling once again and this time he landed on his side. With a grunt, the tri-color looked up and snorted. Sides heaving and injuries bleeding, it took a moment before he was even able to stand once again. Slowly he moved, his hooves hitting the ground. He was starting to feel like he was on fire, but maybe it was just his body reacting to the fight he had just went though.
Ziegen stayed and watched as the gray left, limping off to where ever he came from. A soft sigh escaped his muzzle as he turned to head back to the Dark Woods. He needed to see his family and see if there was anyway that he could prevent himself from dying.
Terms: Winner get's Cathair. Hits: 3 1: Bucked while Xerxes had a hold of his neck/withers and attempted to bite his upper leg / armpit area. 2: Dropped his weight to the ground and rolled, using all fore of his hooves to attempt to attack the underside of Xerxes. 3: Came towards Xerxes and reared up, using his hooves to strike out against his face, neck and nose. Dodges: 1 1: Dodged the attack by one of his hooves slipping, causing him to fall and land on his side. Days: 5 days to reply Words: 1500 Max Injuries: 1: Bite mark on his withers and neck area. Missing some skin and flesh on his withers. 2: Hoof imprints and deeper cuts on his neck, withers and near his bridle path. Will create a blood bruise later on. 3: Bruised rib cage from landing on his side from dodging the attack. Tagged: A z z y
THIS CAN BE JUDGED!!!
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Post by aliyaah on Dec 18, 2017 20:47:48 GMT -7
I will tally.
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Post by aliyaah on Dec 19, 2017 14:47:23 GMT -7
Waiting on judge collection: Yes Judge 1 Collection: Done Judge 2 Collection: Done Judge 3 Collection: Waiting Tally-ing Scores: No
Updated Dec 30
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Post by aliyaah on Jan 4, 2018 13:41:47 GMT -7
KAL WITH ZIEGENBOCK
Roleplayer & Character: Kal w/ ZiegenbockQuality over Quantity: 12Comments:
- Parts were confusing to read, such as when Ziegan is bucking and attempting to bite at Xerxes's armpit. It just doesn't read quite right and it took me several times to try and picture this in my head as to how it was happening.- There were actually several times across multiple posts where the sentences either made no sense whatsoever or they were worded so oddly that I had to reread multiple times. On some, I still didn't understand afterwards. I think the posts needed to be proof-read and there were instances where sentences should have been rewritten. - The posts could have used more detail. I wanted to know more about what Ziegen was thinking and how his wounds were affecting him. -Post one got repetitive in the second paragraph
No God Modeling or Power Playing: 15Comments: None
Realism of Attack: 12Comments: - A horse rolling onto its back in the middle of a fight goes against their instincts. A horse then kicking up while on its back is very unlikely and this just isn't a realistic move. - Had a hard time picturing Ziegen reaching back to grab Xerxes' armpit area - I'm not sure that rolling on the ground is a wise move because it's a vulnerable position to be in - The attack where Ziegen was on his back kicking did not seem realistic to something you would see by a horse.
Attack Compared to Opponent: 11Comments: - Xerxes's first attack was better than Ziegen's first attack.- Ziegen's second attack was hard to believe and went against how horses act.- Third attack was average. - Attacks could have used more detail and I would have liked to see Ziegen strategizing more - The attacks were well written, and Ziegen seemed to do quite a bit of damage regardless of his malnourished state. Completion of the Form: 14.5Comments: - Always complete. - Unsure why the battle damage was unknown in the second post
Spelling and Grammar: 9Comments: Mostly comma problems and a lot of confusing sentences."had spoke" - auxiliary verb agreement, make it "spoken""It was triggering the stallion's memories of the humans but" - need a comma after humans"When he was done he" - need a comma after done"He grew tired of waiting but " - need a comma after waiting"not bite off to much more" - to should be too"If the dark kingdom and the bloody healkers" - capitalize Helkaer, also bad spelling"as he prepared his counter attack" - need a hyphen in counter-attack"aiming to put a a couple" - typo"pain in his body, it" - should be the end of the sentence, not a comma"When the dark king spoke he" - missing comma after spoke"When he had hit the ground it"- missing comma after ground"but they where spewing blood" - were not where" think of his last attack he" - missing comma after attack"slash's on the kings" - slashes not slash's!"slash's on the kings" - king's not kings!"He watched as the other had come his way and the attacks as began and he wanted to get this over with so that way Cathair could come back home." - run-on, also doesn't make sense" As he took a moment to think of his last attack he noticed that their blood was mixed upon them both and it seemed that he would not be safe from what ever the dark king carried." - run-on, also missing commas - A lot of spelling, grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure mistakes. Posts needed to be proof-read. - Misspelling of the word "Helkaer" as "Healker" throughout the posts - "As the stallion stood within the Dark Woods the smell of smoke was burning his nose and his sister had come to him." - needs a comma between "Woods" and "the" - "He was not sure if he was in the best shape to be fighting, he would do what it took to protect his family." - comma needs to be a semicolon or period - "The stallions hooves soon slid on the cracked dirt." - stallions needs an apostrophe stallion's - "He felt proud that he was about to do something that could help more than just his family, a whole alliance." - this sentence needs a "but" before "a whole alliance" or something else to connect the ideas - "He grew tired of waiting but he wanted to be on his A game and not bite off to much more than he could chew as he waited." - "to" should be "too" - "Ziegen stood in the battlefield quietly, waiting to hear for any sort of sign from the dark king Xerxes to show." - sentence is confusing - removing "to show" fixes this - " He did not need to know everything, the only thing that he knew was that he was fighting for Cathair." - comma should be period or semicolon - "The neutral king did not need to be in the hands of the darks after all Cathair had stolen the dark kings son fair and square." - needs a comma after "darks" and kings needs an apostrophe king's - "Ziegen was about to speak out but stopped, watching the as the other found a bone in the dirt and began to scratch himself with it." - extra "the" - "watching the as the" - "But as Ziegen over looked the grays form, he spotted a strange symbol that was on the stallions hip." - more apostrophes missing grays should be gray's and stallions should be stallion's - "Ziegen understood that he was talking about the under nourished state of his body." - undernourished is one word - "I was first to volunteer, it's not all that they can muster. But I am all that they will need." - comma should be semicolon or period. - "The young stallions words where bold, but he hoped them to be true." - stallions should be stallion's, where should be were - "As he waited to see what sort of plan the other was putting together, he did not want to be the first one to attack." again comma should be semicolon or period - "With his head still turned Ziegen reached out with his teeth and aimed to take a good chunk of skin from the stallions armpit and upper leg area." - "The stallion quickly rolled his body and used his hooves to kick at the gray stallions underside as he rolled over and back onto his hooves." - stallions should be stallion's - "While he scrambled to get up, he knew he was completely open to Xerxes next attack." Xerxes should be Xerxes' - "But thankfully there was only three solid attacks allowed and he was hoping that the king would obey the rules they had set forth." - there was instead of there were - "Ziegen though to himself." - though instead of thought - "He watched as the other had come his way and the attacks as began and he wanted to get this over with so that way Cathair could come back home." - confusing tenses in this sentence. "The attacks as began" makes no sense - "The stallion had done his best to duck away, trying to keep his head out of the damage path and the hooves of Xerxes had just him." had just him makes no sense - had just hit him perhaps? - "He was not sure if they would scar or not, but they where spewing blood in spots down his neck and shoulder." - where should be were - "When the stallion finally got to his hooves, he turned to look at Xexers." Xerxers should be Xerxes - "He looked down, anger spread across his face as he lifted his head to look at him as if he was looking down at him." - this sentence makes no sense - I'm not sure what it's trying to say - "He then let his hooves fly out, aiming to put a a couple of slash's on the kings face, neck and nose." - slash's should be slashes, kings should be king's, extra "a"
TOTAL: 73.5
AZZY WITH XERXESRoleplayer & Character: Azzy w/ XerxesQuality over Quantity: 14Comments: - Posts were focused and interesting. Good choice on Xerxes cutting himself up prior to the battle. Each post made sense. The only problem was the comma abuse, which messed the pacing up. (As well as the grammar.) - Posts were of decent quality though the purple prose could make them a little difficult to understand No God Modeling or Power Playing: 15Comments: None
Realism of Attack: 15Comments: All realistic.
Attack Compared to Opponent: 13.5Comments: - Powerful first attack.- Xerxes had a better second attack.- The last attack was alright, but it once again was Xerxes turning fast, throwing his head between his knees and kicking. - First attack was mildly confusing though the rest were decent and had more detail than Ziegen's. I would have liked to see more strategizing. - Xerxes seemed to do more damage and had more successful attacks.
Completion of the Form: 12Comments: - Health not updated in second post.- Health not updated in third post. - His self-inflicted wounds should have counted toward his injury total - No health percentage decrease in any of the posts - Did not adjust the health percent with each attack, so Xerxes stayed at 100% health even with broken rib, damaged muscles, and bleeding.
Spelling and Grammar: 11Comments: - So many run-on sentences! Commas cannot substitute varying sentence structures and periods. Many sentences should have been separated."well worn" - requires hyphen"his lobes pulled taught against his atlas" - taught should be taunt, taught is past of teach"his tissian pools ablaze", "tissian pools of hell fire." - cannot find any definition of "tissian" except it is a name, does not work as an adjective"Xerxes swung it back and fourth six times" - fourth should be forth"in it's moment" - its not it's"was almost unbareable" - unbearable"leave him brain dead" - hyphen required brain-dead"satisfaction that the helkaer" - Helkaer needs capital" of it's moral " - its not it's" who's blood" - who's means who has, whose is possessive form"Crimson splashed his pallid hide in a stark contrast, who's blood it was was yet to be known, but even in the waning and ineffective winter sunlight, it was almost mesmerising." - run-on without proper comma use" leaving a long jagged" - need a comma after longThere were so many run-ons! Here are a few, you can pick some to include:"Xerxes positioned himself to the left of his opponent, yet at the last moment switched to his right, his mass rocking back onto his hind legs as his teeth bared, aiming to hook a singular forelimb over the bastard's withers whilst hoping to grasp at his nape in an attempt to use his mass to bring him down to the earth below him, where he truly belonged." - massive run-on"Xerxes could not help but feel a small glimmer of smug satisfaction that the helkaer had spread their fiery palms around the throat of Cathair, he could not deny that it didn't make his loins quiver ever so slightly now that chaos was finally free of it's moral incarcerations - how foolish was the once queen to declare a war she would not, or could not, fight." - another massive run-on"Xerxes tucked his hind end under him easily, pushing himself off and away from the multicoloured bastard, his nape curled in elegantly as he threw his atlas once towards the heavens, his pistons pushing him away from his adversary in a somewhat uneven thrice beat." - more run-on" Pain shot through him, the wave of heat throbbed within his muscles, shock waves of abhorrent agony rolled throughout his ribs and chest area, constricting his pupils as once more he honed in on his target." - run-on"His eyes seemed to illuminate then as he watched the bastard's haunches slide under him, the muscles and tendons working in perfect harmony to hoist his frame up from the earth in a ferocious rear, his knives cutting at the stratosphere around Xerxes' obsidian pointed physiognomy." - big run-on"Without a second thought, the heathen bastard threw his skull between his forelegs, the agonising ache from his chest and forelimbs shot through his claret marred embodiment, his pupils constricting, honing in on the mental image of the beast behind him as he willed his body to comply with him, for now. " - big run-on"His molars ground down upon one another, clamping down on the tender inner flesh of his chasms, molten iron filling his saliva, rolling the now crimson stained fluids around his mandibles before spitting the wine hued liquids onto the topography between them." - big run-on"Xerxes allowed a rumbling chuckle to resonate between them, the wounds that spurted blood now began to drip slowly, the beat in his chest did not mimic his heart but the vibrating energy of his exhausted muscles." - again run-on"The heathen king snorted, dipping his skull to his bloodied opponent before turning on his hocks, limping slightly as the adrenaline faded, heading home to recover and await the verdict of the battle." - more run-on
- A handful of errors- "How pitiful. Xerxes scoffed, his lobes flattening against his atlas as he made his way towards the battle grounds, his nares quivering as the scent of this unknown beast entered his synapses, the electrical pulses fired down his spine and to every muscle, adrenaline quickly followed, turning his blood to acid." - run-on sentence.- "Ah yes - just what the neutral kingdom requires in it's moment of need..." - it's should be its- "Xerxes knew that to maintain the upper hand, Ziegen needed to remain beneath him, he needed to spend his energy on trying to get up, to try and over power his adversary." - run-on sentence and could be split into multiple sentences- "His breaths left him in forced and jagged pulses, his nares rippling as he prepared himself to attack, the force needed for the imminent brutality was almost unbareable." - unbareable should be unbearable- "Xerxes could not help but feel a small glimmer of smug satisfaction that the helkaer had spread their fiery palms around the throat of Cathair, he could not deny that it didn't make his loins quiver ever so slightly now that chaos was finally free of it's moral incarcerations - how foolish was the once queen to declare a war she would not, or could not, fight." - comma after Cathair should be a period or semicolon. Sentence is run-on. It's should be its- "Xerxes tucked his hind end under him easily, pushing himself off and away from the multicoloured bastard, his nape curled in elegantly as he threw his atlas once towards the heavens, his pistons pushing him away from his adversary in a somewhat uneven thrice beat." - run-on sentence, also redundant and mentions going away from Ziegen twice- "Crimson splashed his pallid hide in a stark contrast, who's blood it was was yet to be known, but even in the waning and ineffective winter sunlight, it was almost mesmerising." who's instead of whoseTOTAL: 80.5
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