[aliyaah]

HELKAER VS NEUTRAL WAR

decide your fate. 

Sailcat vs Cadoc

Climate:
It is winter, but it's a warmer day. The warring parties arrive early in the morning, just as the sun is rising. There is snow on the ground, several inches thick, and slushy - mixing with the mud it has happened beneath it. The sky above is cloud covered, perhaps it will snow later on, but if it does it will be light snow - pretty, despite the destruction that will be happening on the land below.

Battle Terms:
- 3 hits
- 1 dodge
- 3 days to reply, NO EXTENSIONS
- 3 posts each (an intro from one player, two battle posts each, and then one final post from the second player)
- 1000 word maximum

Other Info:
- Those siding with the Helkaer will have the Helkaer "fire brand" painted in mud/earth upon them so you can recognize who they side with.
- All other regular battle rules still apply so be sure to address the battle thread for rules. 
- Please see the main thread for any other info: Click. This includes info on how the groups approached the battle and what not, so be sure you read it over. 

Upon random draw, ❅ Icy Dragon ✩ will be posting first, followed by @starlight. 
Good luck!

THANKS ANNECORDELIA

[❅ Icy Dragon ✩]

Name- Cadoc
Breed- Fresian x Clydesdale x Shire x Thoroughbred x Gypsy Vanner x Belgian x Quarter Horse
Age- Four Years
Gender- Stallion
Height- 17.3 Hands
Alliance- Unaligned
Health- 97% - Partial Deafness

- C a d o c -

War was a blade that cut quickly and cleanly. It could leave wounds that were difficult to notice until they festered later on. Nevertheless, it could also deliver devastating blows with just one powerful strike. The fire that had threatened to devour Cadoc's entire world could be called such a blow. He relied on the dense trees of Dark Woods to protect his sensitive flesh from the scalding sunlight. Just a day could turn his pink skin into reddened blisters that ached for days. Daylight was an evil that he was not willing to deal with. The Helkaer who started the fire dimmed in comparison to it. They were mere horses who decided to try to take over the world. The notion was foolish, and the group did not scare him. He would have already left for more desirable grounds had the trees of Dark Woods not given him such perfect shelter. The forest's burning could not be forgiven. It had been problematic to follow the action past the day he had come face to face with the Helkaer bitches. He relied heavily on others to relay the information to him. However, word of the great battle had not been difficult to hear of. It seemed to spread through the land faster than any fire the Helkaer could set. A tremendous fight would take place to end this pathetic war that he held no interest in. At first, he did not have any intention on agreeing to fight. It was only when it became clear that his forest could be further razed upon a Helkaer takeover that he decided to step up. Cadoc would defend what he considered dear; his trees.


Dawn had finally struck, signalling the approach of the last battle. Cadoc had not been thrilled with the approach to the battlefield. Being so close to so many strangers caused his nerves to stay on edge when he knew he'd be collected otherwise. Nonetheless, it'd been decided to approach as one mass. With a heavy sigh, the pale stallion wove his way towards the front of the line as one began taking shape. He towered over other fighters with his height alone. His bloodline etched the story of heavier builds crafted together with more agile ones to create such the brute. Speed and agility may not have been his forte, but they were not buried beneath his genetics entirely. If he didn't know better, he might have assumed battle was what he'd been bred for. However, he did know better. As the opposing sides settled in, he began to grow anxious. The noises had grown even more muffled and he had to keep his eye on those next to him for any sign of what to do. Air burst from his nostrils as the colorless stallion maintained his stance. His muscles began to tense and tremble in anticipation. Then, almost in an instant, those around him sprung to life. A muffled thunder reached his ears, and they twitched in confusion as his gaze shot to his companions. They had begun a charge. The brute did not hesitate to throw his weight forward and allow his hooves to devour the battlefield with an enormous stride. His hooves found a slippery hold on the slushy ground, and he had to collect himself before stumbling. This could prove a deadly terrain, if he were not careful. Many colors and motions flashed by his peripheral vision on either side, but Cadoc's pink orbs sought out those from the opposing faction. His gaze settled on a mare splattered in ivory that stood close to his own height. Instantly, his focus turned to her and his hooves pummeled the ground as he drove himself towards this mare. The quiet drone of the battlefield began to fade as he readied himself meet this bitch in combat. He did not need to listen to her sounds, only read her movements. He could do this.

Cadoc - 657 Words - @starlight
Notes: Boop!
- Note on grammar that comma before and is acceptable in the cases I had ;)

Post: 1/3
Attacks: 0/3 Used
Dodges: 0/1 Used
Injuries: None

[Deleted]

FULL IMAGE WITH CREDITS

SAILCAT

cross my heart, hope to die
to my lover, I'd never lie
he said "be true," I swear I'll try

Name- sailcat
Breed- arabian x shire x paint x percheron
Age- 9 years
Gender- mare
Height- 18.2
Alliance- dark - healker
Health- 100 % - 5 months pregnant


The war had been going on since she joined the Healker and the mare was more than eager to shed blood in their name. She was hungry for the blood shed to begin and she could not hide her excitement now that it was finally happening. She could barely contain herself as she trudged though the slush to get to the battlefield. The terrain looked to be deadly with the melting snow and the possibility of so many horses. This would make for one hell of an interesting mix and she could not wait to see just who she was going to be facing. She hoped it would be somebody worthy of her size and skills, but she honestly it mattered less to her. She would enjoy an easy bloodshed, but it was so much fun when they fought back.

As she got closer to the battlefield the hoof prints of other horses could be seen in the slush and mud and she wondered if there would be any deaths because of the battles here today? The mare moved to push herself forward into a trot as she moved though the slush. It splashed mud up on her legs and stomach as she moved towards the battlefield. The mare slowed to a stop in the line of others, taking her place where she felt that she felt was her own. When she settled in line, she looked to see who she was going to be facing in battle. The stallion was tall, a few inches shorter than herself and that made her smile. He would be a good fight and she hoped that he was ready. The mare's head turned to look at the equines that stood on either side of her and then the line before them.

When the call to start had sounded and the mare launched herself forward into motion. She had to catch herself as she almost slipped when she started to charge forward. 'Nice one.' she thought to herself as she pressed on. The mares large frame came barreling forward, hoping to meet the stallion head on, she was not going back down now. The mare could only think of one thing and that was winning this fight or causing the most about of damage that she could. The mare didn't want to think about what this fight could do to her unborn foal, because she felt like it was an inconvenience at the moment.

The mare let out a growl and as the two of them came closer and close to each other, the mare slid to a stop and planted her hooves in the slush. She didn't know what he was going to do for his first attack, but she figured it was best to brace herself and get ready for his first attack.

TAGGED: ❅ Icy Dragon ✩
WORDS: 472
NOTES: x x x
TIMELINE: the battles, 5 months pregnant



POST:1/3
ATTACKS: 0/3
DODGES: 0/1
INJURIES:
-
-
-

speaking.
thinking.

table by @ripshank

[❅ Icy Dragon ✩]

Name- Cadoc
Breed- Fresian x Clydesdale x Shire x Thoroughbred x Gypsy Vanner x Belgian x Quarter Horse
Age- Four Years
Gender- Stallion
Height- 17.3 Hands
Alliance- Unaligned
Health- 97% - Partial Deafness

- C a d o c -

It seemed that the mare Cadoc had focused on intended to do the same. Her large mass came barreling towards him, and the pale stallion felt a thrill at the sight. Cadoc fixed his gaze upon his newfound opponent. Over the years, his lack of any auditory information had trained his eyes to compensate for it. A mostly silent world was dangerous, and he relied heavily on movement to notice predators or heed warnings. His pink eyes eagerly ate up all the information they could get access to just by her looks, taking note of her movements. The dark hued bitch certainly carried the bloodline she'd need for a war. Not only did her height express the lineage of giants, but her conformation carried traits found in them as well. It was unclear if her bloodline influenced her agility or speed just yet. As the mare began a shift in movement, the stallion's gaze immediately sought out her legs. His own collected pace slowed as he readied himself for whatever this mare intended to do. The mare slowed as well, beginning a slide that he wasn't sure was intentional or not. Alert shot through Cadoc and he threw his weight back on his haunches to aid in slowing his own momentum. His eyes flashed up to the mare's shoulders, seeking out any sign of a rear or further action. However, she seemed to try to stop, with hooves planted in the slush to slow her own weight. The distance between the two had decreased dramatically and in only a few more strides would they be upon each other. It seemed almost as though they'd collide at this rate, but Cadoc began to angle himself. He turned towards his left to end up at the mare's right side during the last few strides.

Adrenaline rushed through the brute as he slammed his own hooves down into the slush to end his already slowing movement. The slush gave way easily to muddy ground, and Cadoc found his hooves sliding several inches before finally finding hold. He found himself in line with the mare's shoulder, a little closer than he had intended. Seconds passed exceptionally slow as he calculated each movement of his next move. As soon as his hooves found a firm hold from his stop, the stallion side-stepped to better face the mare. The movement transitioned smoothly into his weight being thrown to his haunches; his forelegs rising up in a rear. He threw out his left foreleg, trying to cross it over the mare's spine. If he managed to get his weight over her, he would have the hope it would cause her to stumble or bring her to her knees. With his line of sight temporarily broken, he could not tell if the mare had begun to rise as well in retaliation. He thrust his right foreleg up as well, towards where he thought her neck would be. He hoped his hoof would find either her throat if she stood, or the tender flesh of her chest if she reared. The mare's height brought a challenge with it, but Cadoc wasn't convinced that he couldn't reach. There were mere inches separating them, after all. Despite how she reacted, he hoped to pummel her side with his hooves. A good clip to the shoulder or throat could slow the mare later in battle. Nonetheless, he was not finished. The stallion stretched his skull forward, teeth bared as he snapped his incisors towards the top of the mare's skull. He aimed to either grab the vital spot between the mare's ears or an ear itself. A hold on either would aid in his attempt to force her to the ground. He also held a hope that if he could slice the delicate skin atop her crown, the blood might blind her.

Cadoc - 640/1000 Words - @starlight
Notes: Cadoc omnom
- Also Skyped Kal to find out Sailcat's pregnancy state and she is not showing.
Post: 2/3
Attacks: 2/3 Used
_{o1. Rear in attempt to either get left leg over Sailcat's spine (to bring her down) or hit her with his hooves on her back/neck/chest depending on her own movement. Potential to slow her down during the fight with a good enough hit.
o2. Attempted to bite onto the top of her head between her ears or an ear itself to gain more control of her movements. If anything, he hopes a bite would cause enough blood to potentially blind her.}
Dodges: 0/1 Used
Injuries: None

[Deleted]

FULL IMAGE WITH CREDITS

SAILCAT

cross my heart, hope to die
to my lover, I'd never lie
he said "be true," I swear I'll try

Name- sailcat
Breed- arabian x shire x paint x percheron
Age- 9 years
Gender- mare
Height- 18.2
Alliance- dark - healker
Health- 87 % - 5 months pregnant


The seal brown sabino mare had charged the stallion, willing to throw everything into this one battle. This was not something that she could afford to lose, no matter what happened. The mare knew she would be putting her unborn foal's life at risk, but it was something she was willing to deal with at a later date. When the mare slid to a stop to face the stallion, she felt her hooves slid on ice until they punched through. She felt her hooves make contact with the solid ground as she came to a stop and the mare locked her body into place. The stallion was still running towards her and the mare clinched her jaw, waiting for the impact, but he slowed his pace. The mare tossed her head, trying to figure out just what he was going to do now. The stallions stride slowly began to go towards the left and she slowly shifted her weight to the right side.

Hooves slammed into the slush on the ground and the mare prepared for impact. Years of battle training had prepared her for this day and she was excited about the bloodletting to begin. The stallion was soon in her personal space and she let out a growl and pinned her harks at him. The stallion rose onto his hind legs, his left front leg coming down over her spine. The stallion attempted to push his weight down on her spine and the mare shifted all of the weight to the right as she moved. She attempted slammed her body into the inside of his leg and chest, aiming to knock him off balance or dislocate his shoulder. As she pulled away from him, she aimed her teeth at his neck or anything else that she could grab. The mare was hungry for blood and she was about to show it to him. Maybe the stallion would notice that he had picked the wrong mare to fight against during the war.

But the stallions weight on her spine was starting to hurt and the mare knew she needed to get him off of her. As the mare started to move, the stallions right front leg aimed at her neck. The mare pulled backward, against his left leg and jerked her head and neck backward. His right front leg came slamming down on her chest and sliced through her brown and white coat. Blood spilled on the slush below them and the mare growled. Pain seared through her chest and she was now angry with him. Pale blue eyes locked onto the stallion as she flicked her harks backward.

The mare was watching when he stretched his head, and the mare pushed her weight upward because it was the only direction she could go. As his teeth came crashing down on the top of her skull, the mare aimed her teeth for his throat latch. The mare was hoping that she could make him pay for choosing the neutral side. The pain was hot and searing as blood began to spill down down her face, running down over her eyes. The mare shook her head and gritted her teeth, the pain from her head was worse than she had expected it to be. As she pulled away, she felt some of the hair around her bridle path rip from her skull. The mare stood there, looking at the stallion with blood pouring down her skull and chest. Pale blue eyes blinded with blood, the mare could only glare with anger.

TAGGED: ❅ Icy Dragon ✩
WORDS: 591
NOTES: x x x
TIMELINE: the battles, 5 months pregnant



POST:2/3
ATTACKS: 3/3
1&2)She slammed her body into his chest/leg area, attempting to bite as she moved away.
3)Reared up when he tried to bite her head, attempting biting at his throat latch area.
DODGES: 0/1
INJURIES:
- 1 - 3-inch slice across her chest
- bite on the bridle path/forelock area, missing some of her mane
-

speaking.
thinking.

table by @ripshank

[❅ Icy Dragon ✩]

Name- Cadoc
Breed- Fresian x Clydesdale x Shire x Thoroughbred x Gypsy Vanner x Belgian x Quarter Horse
Age- Four Years
Gender- Stallion
Height- 17.3 Hands
Alliance- Unaligned
Health- 85% - Partial Deafness

- C a d o c -

A sense of triumph flooded Cadoc as he felt the mass of his opponent on the inside of his foreleg. The quick smug feeling was quickly replaced by alert as he felt the mare's shifting movement beneath him. A heavy force slammed into his chest, knocking him painfully backwards. The air abandoned the stallion's lungs in a forced burst, and his back hooves struggled to find a hold in the slush to keep him upright. Nevertheless, he managed to gather himself. An aching burn engulfed his lungs as he attempted to take a breath. The alarming lack of air completely distracted him from the mare's continued movement. A second pain cut sharply through his neck; one he recognized as the slice of teeth through his flesh. Immediately, the sharp pain gave way to the heat of blood rushing to the surface and escaping from the wound. She'd managed to shear a decent sized chunk from the side of his neck. The wound now angrily trickled his scarlet life force as his racing heart pumped it out. He spent only half a moment considering the bite, and decided it was far enough from the critical areas that he would not worry himself with it. His lungs attempted to force air back into them, but to no avail. He'd had the breath knocked out of him before, so the sensation did not completely panic him. Abuse had been a part of his life for an extensive amount of time. Because of this, he was able to regain focus to his attacks. He could now perceive the impact of his right hoof against the mare's tender flesh. How he wished to capture the spilling blood in his gaze, but he gleefully found himself with a mouthful of hair. The flow of blood followed and teased the tip of Cadoc's tongue. He blasted a pained first breath from his nostrils. It was a desperate attempt at triggering another real breath all while adding a fun feeling for the mare beneath his grasp. He hoped it disturbed her. However, with a good hold of the top of her head, the stallion quickly noticed his opponent's tilt of her head towards him. It didn't take a genius to recognize that her teeth were likely heading towards some part of his exposed flesh. Thinking quickly, Cadoc jerked his head towards the mare's back and arched his neck the best he could to avoid any potential teeth. Somewhere along the line, he felt his grasp slip, and he threw himself back to sloppily free his left foreleg from the mare's back. The stallion landed hard and stumbled to his left, as he had thrown himself far off-balance in his dismount. The slush splattered pitifully up as the brute attempted to regain his footing. A shudder ran through his body as he slammed his front hooves down painfully. It took a split second to settle his weight, but it seemed like an eternity due to the adrenaline still rushing through his veins. This was not a desirable place for him. His landing had brought his teeth too far away from the mare to make a quick snap at her, but his hindquarters luckily remained closer. Promptly, Cadoc threw his weight forward and snapped his hind hooves towards low on the mare's shoulder in hopes of still landing a damning blow. He did not aim to connect with the bulk of her shoulder. He instead aimed for the area where it thinned into her foreleg. It would be easier to cause damage in a thinner area that was not protected by bulky muscle. He still possessed hopes that this mare would go down in battle, or perhaps even be injured enough to ruin her life beyond the battlefield. She had aided in causing the unthinkable to his home, and now he was eager to take everything he could from her.

Cadoc - 650/1000 Words - @starlight
Notes: Woo, last post! Good luck!
Post: 3/3
Attacks: 3/3 Used
_{o1. Rear in attempt to either get left leg over Sailcat's spine (to bring her down) or hit her with his hooves on her back/neck/chest depending on her own movement. Potential to slow her down during the fight with a good enough hit.
o2. Attempted to bite onto the top of her head between her ears or an ear itself to gain more control of her movements. If anything, he hopes a bite would cause enough blood to potentially blind her.
o3. Attempts to kick lowly at her front right shoulder/leg. He attempts to hit more of the area where the shoulder slopes into the leg, to cause higher damage with a good sized target.}
Dodges: 1/1 Used
_{o1. Jerked his head to the left (towards Sailcat's back) and arched his neck to avoid what he assumed to be a bite. He figured she'd attack him based on her tilting her head towards him (he was biting it at the time) and doesn't actually know if she did. Better safe than sorry.}
Injuries:
_{o1. Bruising to his chest that will cause soreness to move and breathe for a week or so. Due to his chest's sore muscles, his walking will be stiff for some time to follow.
o2. Laceration to the side of his neck, close to the edge of his throat. A patch of skin is missing and bleeding moderately. It will take about a month to heal and remain a scar.
o3. From landing hard on the slippery slush, Cadoc's front legs will be very sore for a few days. His left ankle will remain sore and a touch inflamed for longer. He will limp for a few weeks due to this (more painfully the first few days), then regain his soundness.}

[Deleted]

FULL IMAGE WITH CREDITS

SAILCAT

cross my heart, hope to die
to my lover, I'd never lie
he said "be true," I swear I'll try

Name- sailcat
Breed- arabian x shire x paint x percheron
Age- 9 years
Gender- mare
Height- 18.2
Alliance- dark - healker
Health- 83 % - 5 months pregnant

The thrill of the battle flowed though her body, giving her an extra high. A high that made her want to taste his blood and spill it on the earth until he begged for death. The mare growled at the seering pain that coursed though her body as it traveled to her brain. The mare had left a gash in his neck, the blood spilling on the ground and splattering on her body. She spit what flesh she did have in her mouth onto the ground. The taste of blood was pleasing to her, the taste of iron was something she loved. Her attention had turned to him as he had a hold of her mane, yanking on her hair. The mare had reached to bite his neck and instead the stallion dipped his head away from her.

Harks flicked backwards and the mare fought the urge to jerk her head away from him, even if it meant attacking him again. Pain and anger radated from the mares body as she waited for him to make his next move. Within moments the stallions grip had slipped and she felt herself become free of both his grasp on her mane and his leg on her back. The mare heard the sound of the his hooves hitting the slush and she turned her head to look at hime. She could barely see though the blood spilling down over her eyes, but she could see the outline of his form.

Shaking her head, the pain surged to her head and she felt a great head ache coming on. She knew she needed to get it together, after all the stallion still had one more attack left. Harks flicked forward as she tried to listen for the sound of his hooves moving in the thick slush below them. Sailat's mind had barely caught onto his last attack as she stumbled away from him, his hind hooves barely grazing her leg. The large scratches from his hooves left a trail of blood trickling down her bay legs and onto the white. She snorted and shook her head at him, giving a scoff by the time she raised her head to look at him once again.

" Nice try." she snorted towards him, jerking her head upwards. The pain still running though her head and she knew it would take a long time before it faded away.

TAGGED: ❅ Icy Dragon ✩
WORDS: 400
NOTES: Good luck to you as well!! This now can be judged.
TIMELINE: the battles, 5 months pregnant



POST: 3/3
ATTACKS: 3/3
1&2)She slammed her body into his chest/leg area, attempting to bite as she moved away.
3)Reared up when he tried to bite her head, attempting biting at his throat latch area.
DODGES: 1/1
1) Stumbled away from him sideways, his hooves just grazing her leg.
INJURIES:
- 1 - 3-inch slice across her chest
- bite on the bridle path/forelock area, missing some of her mane
- 2 long scratches on her leg from his hooves

speaking.
thinking.

table by @ripshank

[+ ebonite +]

I will tally.
Waiting on judge collection: Yes
Judge 1 Collection: Collected
Judge 2 Collection: Collected
Tally-ing Scores: Yes

[+ ebonite +]

Icy with Cadoc

Quality over Quantity: 9.5
Comments:
- Good amount of detail and emotion while being easy to follow, though it would have been nice to include some description of the battle going on around them while they were fighting.
- Very interesting, well-written posts that I wanted to keep reading and wish there was more

No God Modeling or Power Playing: 9.5
Comments:
- "He turned towards his left to end up at the mare's right side during the last few strides." - Choosing what side he's going to this character instead of saying aiming to go there.
- None

Realism of Attack: 10
Comments:
- Attacks were realistic and the slippery ground did affect him some
- Realistic

Attack Compared to Opponent: 10
Comments:
- I feel both attacks were evenly matched.
- Attacks were easy to follow
- Nice strategy behind the attacks.

Completion of the Form: 10
Comments:
- Completed

Spelling and Grammar: 9
Comments:
- Not many errors, mostly minor
- “Cadoc would defend what he considered dear; his trees.” – semicolon should be a colon
- “Dawn had finally struck, signalling the approach of the last battle.” – misspelling of signaling
- “to create such the brute.” – should be “such a brute”
- “as he readied himself meet this bitch in combat.” – missing “to” between himself and meet
- “It seemed that the mare Cadoc had focused on intended to do the same.” – this sentence could be clearer
- “beginning a slide that he wasn't sure was intentional or not.” – “or not” not needed
- “Alert shot through Cadoc”- alertness would be better here
- “Seconds passed exceptionally slow” – slow should be slowly
- “he would have the hope it would cause her to stumble or bring her to her knees” – “would have the hope” is pretty awkward, “hoped” or “would hope” would be better
- “He also held a hope that if he could slice the delicate skin atop her crown, the blood might blind her.” – comma needed after “that”
- “The quick smug feeling was quickly replaced by alert as he felt the mare's shifting movement beneath him.” – “alert” is an odd word to use here – alertness, maybe? Or alarm?
- “all while adding a fun feeling for the mare beneath his grasp.” – “in his grasp” would be better here, or “beneath him”

Total: 58

---

Kal with Sailcat

Quality over Quantity: 6.5
Comments:
- Many sentences start with “she” or “the mare”
- Awkward phrasing in quite a few places
- “The mare” and “the stallion” are really overused in the second post
- Nice description and emotion, but would have like to see more mention of the battle going on around them.
- The first post had a few run-on sentences, but become much more clear and interesting during the second and third post.

No God Modeling or Power Playing: 10
Comments:
- None

Realism of Attack: 9
Comments:
- In her first post, it seemed strange that she galloped over to him and stopped rather than attacking
- Though the slushy ground was taken into before the fight began and continued to be mentioned as a scenery detail, it didn’t seem to actually affect her movements during the fight.
- Attacks seemed realistic
- Her injuries were taken into account.
- Realistic

Attack Compared to Opponent: 9
Comments:
- I feel both attacks were evenly matched.
- Attacks were easy to follow
- Attacks seemed less strategic and more like reactions to keep up with Cadoc’s attacks
- Using all three of her attacks in one post was a bit odd

Completion of the Form: 10
Comments:
- Completed

Spelling and Grammar: 2
Comments:
- Many errors
- “The war had been going on since she joined the Healker and the mare was more than eager to shed blood in their name” – misspelling of Helkaer, comma needed after Helkaer
- “She was hungry for the blood shed to begin” – bloodshed is one word
- “This would make for one hell of an interesting mix and she could not wait to see just who she was going to be facing.” – comma needed after mix
- “but she honestly it mattered less to her.” – phrasing doesn’t make sense “but honestly it couldn’t matter less to her”, maybe?
- “As she got closer to the battlefield the hoof prints of other horses could be seen in the slush and mud and she wondered if there would be any deaths because of the battles here today?” – comma needed after battlefield, question mark should be a period
- “, taking her place where she felt that she felt was her own.” – phrasing doesn’t make sense
- “The stallion was tall, a few inches shorter than herself and that made her smile.” – comma needed after herself
- “When the call to start had sounded and the mare launched herself forward into motion.” – incomplete as is, period after motion should be a comma to connect to the next sentence OR rephrase to something like “When the call to start sounded, the mare launched herself forward into motion.” Also, “forward into motion” is redundant
- “The mares large frame came barreling forward, hoping to meet the stallion head on, she was not going back down now.” – mares should be mare’s, comma after head on should be a semicolon
- “fight or causing the most about of damage that she could.” – misspelling of amount, “most” isn’t the right word here, “greatest” would be better
- “The mare let out a growl and as the two of them came closer and close to each other,” – comma needed after and, “close” should be “closer”, or just take out the “and close” entirely.
- “She didn't know what he was going to do for his first attack, but she figured it was best to brace herself and get ready for his first attack.” – repetition of “for his first attack”
- “but it was something she was willing to deal with at a later date” – “but it was” should be “but that was”
- “When the mare slid to a stop to face the stallion, she felt her hooves slid on ice until they punched through” – “slid on ice” should be “slide on ice”
- “, she felt her hooves slid on ice until they punched through. She felt her hooves make contact with the solid ground” – repetition of “she felt her hooves”
- “The stallion was still running towards her and the mare clinched her jaw,” – clinched should be clenched
- “The stallions stride slowly began to go towards the left and she slowly shifted her weight to the right side.” – apostrophe needed in “The stallion’s”, repetition of slowly
- “she was excited about the bloodletting to begin.” – “about” is the wrong word here, “for” would be better
- “She attempted slammed her body into the inside of his leg and chest” – “slammed” should be “to slam”
- “The mare was hungry for blood and she was about to show it to him.” – sentence doesn’t make sense – is she showing blood to him or is she showing that she’s hungry for blood?
- “But the stallions weight on her spine was starting to hurt” – stallion’s
- “the stallions right front leg aimed” – stallion’s
- The mare pulled backward, against his left leg and jerked her head and neck backward.” – comma not needed, repetition of “backward” (might be better to replace the second one with “upward”)
- “The mare was watching when he stretched his head, and the mare pushed her weight upward because it was the only direction she could go.” – second “the mare” should be “she”
- “, the mare aimed her teeth for his throat latch” – throatlatch is one word
- “The pain was hot and searing as blood began to spill down down her face, running down over her eyes.” – extra “down” after “began to spill”, “down” in “running down over her eyes” not necessary since it was already clear that the blood was running down
- “The mare shook her head and gritted her teeth, the pain from her head was worse than she had expected it to be.” – comma should be a semicolon
- “The mare growled at the seering pain” – misspelling of searing
- “The taste of blood was pleasing to her, the taste of iron was something she loved.” – comma should be semicolon
- “Pain and anger radated from the mares body” – misspelling of radiated, mare’s needs the apostrophe
- “Within moments the stallions grip had slipped” – comma needed after moments, stallion’s
- “The mare heard the sound of the his hooves hitting the slush” – “the” not needed in “the his hooves”
- “she turned her head to look at hime” – him is misspelled
- “Shaking her head, the pain surged to her head and she felt a great head ache coming on.” – repetition of head, headache is one word
- “She knew she needed to get it together, after all the stallion still had one more attack left.” – comma should be a semicolon, comma needed after “after all”
- “Sailat's mind had barely caught onto his last attack” – misspelling of Sailcat’s
- “The pain still running though her head and she knew it would take a long time before it faded away.” – running should be ran
- "The war had been going on since she joined the Healker" - Healker should be Helkaer
- "She could barely contain herself as she trudged though the slush" - though should be Through
- "As she got closer to the battlefield the hoof prints" - Should have a comma after battlefield, separating the hoof prints
- "The mare moved to push herself forward into a trot as she moved though the slush. " - Again, though should be through
- "He would be a good fight and she hoped that he was ready." - Should have a comma after fight
- " 'Nice one.' she thought to herself as she pressed on." - The first She in the sentence should be capitalized.
- " The mare could only think of one thing and that was winning this fight or causing the most about of damage that she could. " Should have a comma after one thing. "The mare could only think of one thing, and that was..."
- "The stallions stride slowly began to go towards the left and she slowly shifted her weight to the right side." Should be a comma before and, - "began to go towards the left, and she slowly.."
- "The mare was hungry for blood and she was about to show it to him." - Again, should have a comma before and.
- "The pain was hot and searing as blood began to spill down down her face, running down over her eyes." - Down is repeated twice?
- " she felt her hooves slid on ice" - Slid should be slide
- "She attempted slammed her body into the inside of his leg" - Should be "She attempted to slam her.."
- "The thrill of the battle flowed though her body, giving her an extra high. " - Again, though should be through.
- "The mare growled at the seering pain that coursed " - Seering should be Searing
- " Pain and anger radated from the mares body" -Radated should be Radiated, mares should be mare's.
- "The mare heard the sound of the his hooves hitting the slush and she turned her head to look at hime." - Hime should be him.
- "Sailat's mind had barely caught onto his last attack" - Sailat should be Sailcat

Total: 46.5

The winner is ❅ Icy Dragon ✩ with Cadoc!

[Deleted]

Congrats love!

[❅ Icy Dragon ✩]

Thanks! It was fun getting to battle with you C: