The Outsider walks among us
riposte and tear until it is done
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They/them
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10,844 posts
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points
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Addict
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Post by + ebonite + on Nov 2, 2021 20:34:44 GMT -7
She woke with a start, drawing in a gasping breath that shook her entire body. She opened her eyes into a terrifying blackness, so dark that it felt physical. A shudder went down her spine. What happened? Where was she? She got the impression that she should be cold, but she felt nothing at all. Immediate alarm bells were going off in her head. Memories came rising to the surface. Bodies surrounding her, snapping, biting, cursing. Pentagrams on their shoulders. She couldn't get away. She was trapped. She was panicking, her breath coming way too fast, her heart hammering in her chest. Her head whipped around wildly, looking for someone to fight. But there was nothing in this darkness. She couldn't hear anything but herself. And there was no where to go either. She could neither fight nor flee. She tried to calm herself down, focusing on her breathing. Slow down, slow down, breathe. Her eyes closed. She tried to picture the ocean, the ocean. Her collection of shells and trinkets in her cavern. Yes, that was helping. She could feel her breathing becoming more even. She was in her cavern by the ocean, surrounded by her things, given to her by her mate. She opened her eyes. There was a figure standing before her now. She thought it would be too hard to see anything in this darkness, but somehow, this figure is darker than that. It's a void, swirling and consuming. There were two bright white points that Seph decided are its eyes. It regarded her. She couldn't look away, even if she wanted to. "You have died and you are now sentenced to an eternity in damnation," it spoke without any semblance of a mouth. Several emotions ran through Seph's head at once. Confusion, alarm, despair, anger. She was dead? No, that couldn't be. When had she died? She tried to think back, think back to her last memory before this. What had she been doing? Oh. She was looking for Coreion. He had disappeared and no one could find him. She was looking everywhere. Every Free land, every herd land, every place she could. She was at Kunipar Cliff. She'd gotten too close to the edge. Then she was falling. The realization hit her like a splash of icy water, her spine tingling. No. She had failed. Failed. She couldn't find him. She couldn't save him. Her eyes filled with tears and she glared at the smoky figure. It had said she was damned. Why? What had she done? You failed your mission, her mind immediately repeated its stubborn mantra. She would never be rid of that voice, would she? It would always be following her. The mission, the mission. But this was a different mission. You still failed, she argued with herself, you failed the first one and you failed this one too. And you died for it. The tears ran down her cheeks. The figure remained unmoved. How can this be? How could I have failed? This can't be the end... it can't be... She didn't deserve this. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. She finally found her freedom and this was all that it lead to? Finding a home, falling in love, bearing children, only to lose him and die trying to find him? It was... it was incorrigible. It was ludicrous. Ridiculous. No, she wouldn't accept this. She turned and fled from the figure, running in the darkness. It felt like her legs were churning in air, but she was moving somehow because when she turned back, the figure was further away. Maybe it was lying to her. Maybe she could get out. Was this another test? A test from the Afterlife? Even now, so many years later, the Afterlife was still such a pillar in her mind. If they ever called for her, would she be able to resist it? Or would she go back to them, even after all this time? They rescued you after all, her mind murmured, they gave you your freedom.She continued to run, but it was exhausting, even in a place like this. Eventually, she made herself stop. She turned back. The figure was long gone, dissolved into the rest of the darkness. When she turned back, everything had changed. In the blink of an eye, she was out of the darkness and into a forest. No. This forest. It was the one that surrounded The Whore House. Immediately her heart began to pound again, her ears filling with noise, her mind screaming to fight. Again, there were no targets in sight. The forest seemed empty. How did I get here? Had she taken a wrong turn? Surely she wouldn't have come here on purpose? Not even to find him? the whisper crawled across her brain. You're too weak to find him. Too damaged. And you'll never find anyone like him again. "Shut up!" she snarled. "I escaped here once, I can do it again." The voice in her head laughed. You had help last time. You're really going to leave without looking for him? "I..." her voice died in her throat. She looked around at the trees, seared into her brain. Despite being so overwhelmed with exhaustion, she'd never forget picking her way through this forest. She'd never forget the excruciating trip she'd taken through here, guided only by a child. Any moment she was sure they'd be caught and dragged back. But somehow they had made it through. I can do this. She vowed, taking a few steps forward. She could search this place. She had to do it for Coreion. tag A z z y timeline noncanon for now, but i could make this a dream < < notes first post down bonuses- trick or treat - birds of a feather - a friendly face - hearing voices (this post) - frayed edges (this post) - one way ticket "Speech"
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The Outsider walks among us
riposte and tear until it is done
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They/them
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10,844 posts
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points
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Addict
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Post by + ebonite + on Nov 6, 2021 11:33:05 GMT -7
(cw: mentions of sexual assault)
Her legs felt like lead as she dragged them closer and closer to the building. In truth, she wasn't actually sure if the building had looked like this. She hadn't seen much of its outside. Only its inside. A shudder ran the entire length of her body. But it couldn't be any other place, could it? Not in this forest. There was only one place it could be. The building was weathered and crumbling in some places, but the foundation was solid. It was eerily quiet. Where was everyone? Shouldn't there be someone here to accost her? The guards were usually swarming the place. But it was empty. There was no one else around but her. Maybe another Afterlife trick? she thought. Maybe the Afterlife had lured away all of the guards so she could search for Coreion in peace. After all, Rasa had distracted the guards so she could escape the first time. They must be doing it again. With a deep, shuddering breath, she stepped through the entrance of the building and the source of her nightmares.
Everything came rushing back so fast. The day she'd been dragged in here, she'd been weak and covered in blood. She had nearly died giving birth to her firstborn son. Maybe you should have, the voice hissed at her, getting pregnant wasn't the plan. You got distracted. You failed. Her face worked into a grimace, trying to ignore it. It wasn't as if she'd wanted to get pregnant. It had not been her choice. And she'd never seen her son again. He was probably dead. Her teeth clenched. Her son had deserved the chance to live. He would have lived less than a day. If he truly is dead. Who knows, maybe he's still alive, trapped in The Whore House just like you... you abandoned him here, the voice was singsong. Seph didn't want to believe that. What use would there be to keeping him alive? It pained her, but it was rational to think about it this way. There was no need for them to hold her son hostage. And after she'd escaped, wouldn't they have used the fact that he was still alive to lure her back? No, she was sure he was dead.
She staggered through the building, peering into the different rooms. These rooms had bars on them, so at least they let light through. Her cell had been a solid door. She'd been thrown away and forgotten. Five years. She'd lost five years of her life to this horrible place. Five years that she would never get back. But I'm making up the time now, she thought to herself. She'd finally forged a life for herself and she wasn't going to give that up. She had a home, a mate, friends, children. She had a purpose. After five years she'd finally found herself again. Whatever mission she had to do was over with. This was her mission now. The voice in her head cackled at her. You can't just throw missions away and make new ones whenever you feel like it, it sneered at her, they completely lose their meaning then. She shook her head, trying to dislodge the voice. She kept walking, peering into each cell as she did so. Some were clean, some were filthy, and some were covered in blood. More memories crashed behind her eyes. She could barely stand when they'd thrown her into a cell. They'd given her water and food. Once she'd slept and recovered some, she'd devoured the food. They'd given her a lot of food then, wanting her to recover. At the start she thought that maybe it wouldn't be so bad. But in hindsight, she knew that they'd only done it so she could get enough strength back to give them the information they wanted. After that, any food and water had gone down substantially and she'd wasted away.
She sucked in a breath as she came to the next door. It was solid. She felt frozen in place. She couldn't move. It was a foreign feeling. Usually when she panicked like this, she lashed out. She destroyed whatever was in front of her. In fewer cases, she fled, or she made herself flee. That's what had happened when she'd been in Lyrarcor. She didn't want to hurt anyone, so she'd managed to channel her fight into flight. That's how she'd met Coreion. But being frozen was not something that typically happened. She was trapped inside of her own body. A scream was building on the inside, willing her limbs to move, her eyes to blink, for her to breathe..
It lasted several moments, but eventually the panic eased off. There was still no one around. The Afterlife was keeping up a good distraction. Without letting herself analyze it any further, she shoved at the door with her shoulder. It opened with a groan, skidding across the uneven floor.
She stood face to face with her mother.
It took her several seconds to even recognize it as her mother. She had only been with her until she'd been weaned. Then she'd been dropped off in her father's lands. What had they been called? She struggled to remember. Those early days of her life were so hazy. The mantra had lived in her head constantly. Her mission, her mission. She had to fight off the Underworld, fight the demons, fight the anti-christ. She was chosen and special and she should never forget it. Her life's purpose was to stop the apocalypse. She couldn't fail. If she failed, the whole world died. So, she had to remember. Remember the mission and only that.
"And you failed didn't you?"
Her mother's voice reverberated around the room. She was a mirror reflection of Sephenia. Bright white coat, black spots, ice blue eyes, stark white hair. Her skin was porcelain, so perfect that it didn't look real. She was free of any and all blemishes. Seph found herself tracing every piece of her. Her mother's eyes were glaring, accusing, pitying. Seph flinched as the glare grew more intense the longer she didn't answer.
"No, I didn't fail..." her voice sounded small to her own ears. She swallowed. "The mission was gone... there was no apocalypse, no demons, no anti-christ, please..." She felt tears filling her eyes again. She knew so little of her birth mother. The mother who'd raised her - what was her name again? - had been so kind and gentle. Seph had never given her adopted mother the affection she'd deserved. It had been drilled so deeply into her that her mission was more important than anything else. She couldn't spare any time for affection. She'd promised to visit them and she never had. Had she ever truly planned to go back? A gaping hole tore inside of her. How can you love your family now when you didn't love them? The realization tore through her.
"You got distracted! I told you that you had to save the world and you didn't. Instead you found a stallion who hurt you. Then you let them take you!" her mother snarled. She closed her eyes, letting the tears fall. She knew this. It was something she'd told herself already before. She'd gotten distracted and then she'd gotten hurt. Then she'd been too weak to fight off her captors. It was all her fault. "I'm sorry..." she whispered, "it's all my fault."
"No, it's not," another voice echoed from behind her. She turned, blinking at the light shining behind the figure. Who was that? It was another horse, but she didn't recognize them. The voice could have been Coreion's... or Vas', or Sariel's, or... was that her adoptive mother? Brina. That was her name. "You didn't ask for any of it. Not the mission, not the assault or birth, and certainly not to be taken captive," the figure hissed, an amalgamation of every good person she'd ever met. In the corner of Seph's eye, she watched her mother clench her teeth. It was then that she realized that the voice in her head was hers. Her mother hissing those cruel thoughts into her head, never letting her rest until the mission was done. Did she not realize it no longer existed? Seph had tried and she had gotten nothing. She had looked for months for evidence of demonic activity, for the anti-christ, for any apocalypse related disasters. She'd gotten nothing. And she'd kept it up. She kept looking, foregoing anything nice for herself. She had no friends, no home, and she'd abandoned her family. Was it any wonder that she'd gotten "distracted" and tried to forget something nice for herself?
She turned on her mother. "The reason you had me is gone and I'm free to make my own choices now," she said, though she was still trembling. Her mother held her gaze for several seconds before she dissolved into cackling laughter. "Are you sure?" she said, venom dripping from every word. Her face contorted, becoming something hideous. "We'll see how long that lasts!" Then her body completely dissolved, turning into shadows, reminiscent of the creature who'd condemned her to this hell. That's right. I'm in hell. None of this is real. She cried out and ran off, the way suddenly clear as the glowing figure had also disappeared.
She ran through the building. She had to get out of here. Coreion wasn't here. This wasn't real. This was a bad dream. It had to be. There was no way that she was dead. She wouldn't accept it. She couldn't accept it. She had to get out of here.
"This way," a voice suddenly called out to her. She jerked toward it. It was a child. A very familiar child... Her eyes widened and she skid to a halt. She traced over him. He was so small. Just a newborn. Taken away far too soon. "Sverrir..." her voice trailed off. She'd picked out his name and she'd said it to him after he'd been born. But shortly after that, they'd been taken. She hadn't spoken it outloud since. It was too painful. Even in telling about what she'd gone through, she'd always referred to him as "her son." And here he was. Standing before her, so tiny, so precious. His eyes were blue like her own. For the third time, she felt herself crying. "Follow me," he said again. So she did.
timeline leaning toward the dream route but we'll see notes second post down, oof
bonuses - trick or treat - birds of a feather (this post) - a friendly face (this post) - hearing voices - frayed edges - one way ticket - creaking doors, squeaking floors (this post)
"Speech"
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The Outsider walks among us
riposte and tear until it is done
|
They/them
|
10,844 posts
|
points
|
|
|
|
|
|
Addict
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Post by + ebonite + on Nov 6, 2021 21:26:46 GMT -7
(cw: mentions of sexual assault)
She followed her son wordlessly, not knowing what to say to him. What could you say to a son you had never known? That had never been given a chance to live? Had he ever spoken words before this day? She bit down on her lip. She didn't think he had. This was the first time she'd ever heard his voice. She felt so overwhelmed with emotion. She barely noticed herself moving along the hallways. Eventually, they came upon an exit. Her son looked back at her, almost as if making sure that she was still following. She wished she could wrap him up against her and keep him safe forever. She wished she could take him back with her, to the land of the living. He had not deserved any of it. Tears swelled in her eyes again as she looked at him. She thought she might feel anger toward him because of his origins, but she felt none of that. She had been angry during the pregnancy. Unspeakably angry. She'd never given much thought to children. Her mission didn't leave room for children, so she'd never really considered it an option. Now she was being forced to have one with someone who had violated her in the worst way. Someone that she had rightfully cut from her life, someone she had called her friend. It was unbearable. Those months she had wasted away in the Free lands in a dissociative state, keeping to herself and lashing out at anyone who came near her. She couldn't wait to be free of the burden. What would have happened if she'd given birth and had not been taken? Would she have kept him? Would she have raised him? Yes. The answer came easily. Yes, she would have. But the choice to raise him had been taken from her too.
Light suddenly filtered in ahead of her and she realized that they were at an exit. Her son turned back once more and then walked out into the light. She followed him out and took a deep breath, a breath filled with air not tainted by that horrible place. However, the place outside no longer looked familiar. The terrain was completely different. It was... a marsh? She blinked, looking around, trying to figure out where this was.
It hit her like a blow. This was The Dead Marshes. The land of Forty Six and Two. The stallion who'd been her friend and had attacked her. The stallion who was her son's father. Her heart seized and she looked down toward him. He was so little, too little for any of this. She could not bear it. He looked up at her with his blue, blue eyes. They looked mournful, as if he knew exactly where he was. "This is where you lost yourself," he said, his gaze switching from her and gliding across the landscape. She swallowed the lump in her throat. She supposed so. It was where the mission stopped being important. It was where she'd made one terrible choice that had cost her everything. Maybe the Ghosts would have caught up with her elsewhere, but at least she wouldn't have been too weak to fight them off. At least they wouldn't have been able to murder her son.
"I would have loved you," she found herself saying. Her gaze was toward the land and she forced herself to look down at Sverrir, "I would have raised you. You didn't deserve any of it..." He looked back at her, his eyes calm, though the mournful gleam still remained. "I know," he said, nodding. She felt an immense amount of relief at this, so much so that she gasped outloud. Did he truly know? A part of her knew that none of this was real, but despite the horror that had taken place before this, she wanted this part to be real. She wanted to be talking to her son and telling him all of this. She wanted him to know that even in the short life that he'd lived, he'd been loved and she would have loved to be his mother. It would have been hard, but she would have done it.
The Dead Marshes stretched out before her. She had so many memories of this place. Good and bad. Most of them were good, but the bad memories overshadowed the good ones. It was here that she'd been assaulted and she'd had to turn and leave the place she'd called home. But she also remembered laughing and talking and training here. She felt more free than she ever had. You have that now, she reminded herself, struggling to remember that this wasn't real.
Her son was walking then, walking toward the center of the land. Then, he stopped and turned around, looking at her. "You have to choose," he said to her. Seph quirked a brow. What did he mean? He gestured behind her. She turned around. Inexplicably, Rain Forest Beach stretched before her. The sand, the sea, the trees. She had no idea how these two lands meshed together so seamlessly, but they did. The edges were smoothed over. She looked back at Sverrir. "You can stay with me," he explained, "or you can go back." Her eyes widened and she found herself spinning around, looking back and forth between each land. Her old home and the son that'd been taken, or her new home and her new life.
It did not seem like much of a choice, but she felt her heart breaking even so. She could not stay here with Sverrir. As much as she wanted to bring him back and raise him like he should have been raised, she could not go back. He was gone. He'd been stolen from her. And she could never get that back, no matter how much she wanted to. It was her past. Rain Forest Beach was her future. Coreion was her future. Raising a family with him was her freedom, her peace, and her happiness. Still, it did not make it hurt any less. She felt tears running down her face again. She didn't remember ever crying so much. "I'm sorry," she whispered, "I can't go with you. I can't go back. You're gone." Her voice broke and her throat closed, forcing her to stop speaking. "I will never forget you. You'll always be my firstborn. But there is no getting you back. It's not fair." Her voice rose to a wail. "But I have to go. My future is there. That's the life that I chose," she closed her eyes and began to walk toward Rain Forest Beach. Immediately, the waves sounded louder. She glanced back toward Sverrir. The calm, mournful look remained in his eyes. "I hope one day, I'll see you again," she said and turned back toward her future.
The moment she took another step, she was fully immersed in the beach. She could smell the salt tang in the air, hear the calls of the colorful birds. She looked back. Sverrir and The Dead Marshes were gone. She bit down on her lip to prevent herself from crying out again and instead focused on the beach. Her beach. The place where she'd found herself again. She walked along the shoreline until something shimmering caught her eye. She approached it, bending down to inspect it. It was a piece of seaglass, impossibly colored and beautiful, a perfect oval shape. My sons would love this, she thought and reached down to pick it up.
She woke with a start in her cavern. She was panting and covered in sweat. But she was back. She was home. It had all been a dream. She could see Coreion sleeping beside her, his breaths even. Her trinkets were laid out along the cave wall. The waves were lapping on the shore. She could hear the birds. I'm home and I'm free.
timeline leaning toward the dream route but we'll see notes aaaand final post down!
bonuses - trick or treat (this post) - birds of a feather - a friendly face - hearing voices - frayed edges - one way ticket (this post) - creaking doors, squeaking floors
"Speech"
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