[aliyaah]

Round 1

Undead Legion (@minaethiel ) vs Danika (Pippin )

North of the Colosseum expands a vast, flat plain. Due to the looming winter season and the colder weather, any vegetation upon these fields has already met its end, and is dry and deceased. The grasses are brown and coarse to walk upon. In the early morning, the gladiators are called to the field. The skies above are dark, threatening a storm, but holding off. The wind tears chaotically across the fields, and at times there are particularly strong gusts that grow and try their best to knock over all in their path. That might make things tricky for equines who are trying to spar and keep their balance...

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Please remember that this pst serves as the first post of the battle. It is taken as though both your characters are now present, and your following posts will begin the fighting (unlike regular battles where one equine enters and has to wait for the other to arrive). 

All battles are fought with the rules 3 attacks, 1 dodge, 3 days to reply. There will be no extensions given out, no exception. As these are meant to be shorter, quicker battles, the maximum word count is 800 words. 

Please ensure you utilize the battle for just like regular battles. 

Pippin , you were drawn to post first. You have 3 days from this point to make your first post. Let the battles begin!

[Pippin]

The day was dark an overcast, almost as if the world understood that such fighting was to take place this day. A strong wind blew over the field, fading away and then suddenly blasting over the land with great force from a different direction. That wind could prove dangerous. Across from her stood the stallion Danika had been matched to face off with first. Undead Legion. She sneered as she gazed across at the black Helkaer stallion as they waited for the sound to start this first round. Almost all the others where here to fight for self glory. Darks and Helkaer. Evil and black hearts. She would never understand that drive, she fought for her home, Omashu , for her leader, Casi. The wind sudden changed and at the same moment a blast of sound filled the arena. Movement broke, her heart pounded. It was time.          

Danika leapt backwards and started to circle the other, her caramel eyes locked on his frame alert for any twitch that he might make. They where almost matched in height, him a little taller, maybe a hand or so. But his body looked built for speed, slender and sleek. Danika was a small draft breed, made for hard work and harsh conditions. The wind started to slack off again and Danika waited, her breath held. She waited to see which way the wind would blow now. Praying it would be favorable to her. Then the gust picked up. At her back! Danika squealed and with the strength of wind behind her she surged forward, teeth bared. She was counting on the wind aiding her, if the stallion tried to rear and counter it would blow him off balance. She came in close, aiming a powerful bite at the stallions neck, her goal to rip out as much flesh from his delicate underside as she could before pulling away back out of his range.            
 

Name: Danika
Breed: Black Forest Horse
Age: 8
Gender: Mare
Height: 15 hh
Alliance: Light
Health: 100%
Word Count: 319
Attacks:
1 - Aiming a bite at the underside of his neck, seeking to rip flesh away with her strike. 
2 -
3 -
Dodges:
1 -
2 -
@minaethiel

[Deleted]

The morning was dim and violent. With the wind howling and the clouds threatening to dump rain, Legion had shown up to the battlefield to face his opponent, somebody named Danika. He hadn’t been expecting much, and indeed when he’d caught sight of the equine, he was unimpressed. Really now? They had allowed this creature to enter into a metaphorical slaughter. As if this Danika had a chance against him, trained by Respira, a fire-wielding general of the Helkaer. He would have felt bad for this would-be victim if he wasn’t anticipating to enjoy the fight so much. This would be one chance of many to show the world just what the fuck he was made of and why nobody smart would fuck with him. As Danika came at him, he braced himself and allowed a devilish smirk to cross his handsome facade. Come on then, little filly, let’s see exactly what you’re made of! Legion thought to himself. Her charge was quick and violent as the wind assaulted his front, the stallion carefully considering his options in the briefest of seconds he had to prepare. She was shorter than him, but stockier. He was not going to push over such a large-boned animal. Which meant his best option was going to be speed and brutality.

Good thing he wasn’t afraid of playing dirty.

Indeed, the dark stallion lunged to meet Danika’s attack, unafraid. Her jaws snapped towards the bottom of his throat, but he ducked low, her teeth sinking into the left side of his neck, sure, but preventing worse damage to something far more vital. Still, it hurt like hell as her teeth tore away at his flesh, and he barely registered as blood began streaming from the new wound on his neck, as dark as ichor against his ebony pelt. First blood was hers, sure, but by no means had she won the war. Lesser equines would have torn away from her and bitched and moaned and rethought their strategy, but Legion was from better masters than that. Mastery over pain was something he excelled at, and he wasn’t about to let Danika retreat so easily. He pursued her on instinct, using her body as a buffer against the worst of the wind as he lunged at her face, teeth more than keen to take out an eye if he could get ahold of it. Even then, he wasn’t about to commit to staying close enough for her to knock over. Despite their height differences, the Helkaer stud knew that the stockier breeds could knock him over with weight alone if he gave them the chance. Whether his teeth met flesh or not, it was a quick, dirty attack that allowed him to pivot harshly on the dead plains and rear, his hooves lashing out at her side with rapid, merciless strength that he hoped wouldn’t allow her time to recover from his attack towards her face. Either way, the stallion dropped back down to the earth, a wild and loving it look in his eyes that told anybody watching that he was fully in his element.

This, he reflected to himself with euphoric arrogance, is how warriors really fucking live!



Name: Undead Legion
Breed: Standardbred
Age: Four Years
Gender: Stallion
Height: 16.2hh
Alliance: Dark
Health: 90%
> Chunk torn from the left side of his neck

Attacks:

1) Bite aimed at her left eye
2) Lashing hooves at her left side
3)

Dodges:

1)

For you, Pippin :3

[Pippin]

Danika knew at once that she had miss judged this stallion before her. She had been expecting, hoping, that he would pull back from her attack. Then the wind would hamper his movements. That her sudden rush would put him off, even a little bit. Instead as she rushed forward, the force of the wind aiding and pushing her, he shifted just slightly. Her bite landed, though because of his movement her aim was off and her teeth bit down into the side of his neck. She tore back and couldn't help but gag as the blood filled her mouth. She spit out the fur and flesh and blood with a shudder. 

She had already been on the move again, pulling back against the wind and trying to create distance once more with the stallion. But as before he did not do what she expected. Instead of also trying to make space he pushed forward, following her retreat with gnashing teeth of his own. She noted that his aim was towards her face and her left eye, she could not move away from the attack fast enough as the wind was on his side now. She did the only thing she could think of, pulling her head away in a fast jerky movement in an attempt to save her eye from his jaws. Then she felt his teeth, they tore into her flesh, luckily missing her eye by inches. The pain was hot and blinding. She felt the hot blood run down her cheek, just missing her eye. 

He was pulling away now, the melee fast and brutal and over in what felt like an instant. Pushing the pain aside Danika sensed a shift in his position. Not only was he pulling away, he was turning and rearing. Hooves lashing out at her unprotected side. She let instinct guide her, dodging away from his deadly hooves. She barely avoided the strike, feeling the rush of wind as his hooves danced just out of reach of her flank. As he came crashing back to the earth Danika saw a fire in his eyes, a joy in the fight and that sickened her. This brute was only here for his own glory, for the thill of hurting others. 

The wind had died down again and as of yet had not started back up. As his hooves touched back down Danika rushed him, blinking back blood as it trickled down her face and into her left eye, not giving him time to fully plant his mass back on the ground. The look in his eyes a fire in her own heart as she held on to what she was fighting for, her family and home. She reared up on hind legs, her goal to slam into his right side and back, lashing with hooves and pushing his off balance. To cause him to crash to the ground.           


Name: Danika
Breed: Black Forest Horse
Age: 8
Gender: Mare
Height: 15 hh
Alliance: Light
Health: 90%
Bite wound to left side of her face, just slightly to side and above her eye

Word Count: 466
Attacks:
1 - Aiming a bite at the underside of his neck, seeking to rip flesh away with her strike.
2 - Lashing out at his right side/back with hooves, hoping to shove him to the ground. 
3 -
Dodges:
1 - Dodged hooved that had been aimed to lash at her left side
@minaethiel

[Deleted]

Fire burned at the wound on his neck and his muscles were coiled and ready to spring, but Legion felt nothing except adrenalin in his blood. He hadn’t felt so alive since the raid on Lachlan Break. There had been too much planning, too many meetings and a need to have some fucking patience. This chance to let loose? Legion had been waiting for far too long to be able to be so vicious and wild against somebody else. Gods knew when the call had gone out about a tournament, the Helkaer stud had been all too eager to join up. He’d hoped that his sisters would join him but Nemesis was content to watch, and he wasn’t sure why Sly had opted not to join in on the fun. But hey, it just meant more meat for him to go through. This mare was going to be the first to fall to him, but certainly not the last. He’d be damned before he allowed himself to get eliminated in round one. And to this soft creature of all things! If he fell to her he’d beat himself bloody training in the deserts with Sly or Nemesis - or fucking both - to get rid of whatever pathetic bone in his body was causing him to lose. Hell, Nemesis was watching, and he definitely wasn’t going to look like a fuck up in front of her.

Seeing that his opponent was bloodied, a taunting chuckle rolled through his velvet kissers even as he leapt to the side to avoid her flailing hooves. She’d been quick to leap away from him, he’d give her that, but that was about all he was going to give her. He’d briefly considered bulldozing his way into her stomach to try and knock her over while she was partially airborne, but had scrubbed the idea almost immediately. She was still likely heavier than he was, and speed was his best asset against draftier types. But that didn’t mean he needed to quickly try and snake in to bite her again. Instead, the ebony hellion quickly spun and kicked out with his hind legs as hard as he could at her stomach. You put in a good effort, Lady, but it sure as shit isn’t good enough against me! he taunted, arrogance and pride oozing from the tone as surely as the blood dribbling down his pelt. The wound would likely scar, but any scar in battle was worth keeping, especially if it preceded a victory.

If it didn’t? Well, he’d be sure to make sure next time his opponent wasn’t alive to claim victory.



Name: Undead Legion
Breed: Standardbred
Age: Four Years
Gender: Stallion
Height: 16.2hh
Alliance: Dark
Health: 90%
> Chunk torn from the left side of his neck

Attacks:
1) Bite aimed at her left eye
2) Lashing hooves at her left side
3) Hind kick at her stomach

Dodges:
1) Dodged lashing hooves

Back at you, Pippin ! =D

[Pippin]

He was fast. She had to give him that. He was gone in the blink of eye from before her and her hooves lashed only open air. The fact that her target had moved and she met no resistance for her forward momentum was probably the only thing that saved her underside from the kick he was now directing her way. As it was she came down towards the ground fast and hard and his hooves missed her sensitive belly, hitting her in the right shoulder. She felt all the breath leave her and she stumbled backwards several paces. The wind also decided to take this moment to gust back up as she fought to find her balance. Several heart pounding moments later she had her hooves back firmly under her. She felt the blow to her shoulder more keenly as she placed her weight on it. It hurt and she knew that it would bruise up pretty good and would make some movements harder. She glanced around trying to find where her opponent had gone. His voice lead her gaze right to him.      

You put in a good effort, Lady, but it sure as shit isn’t good enough against me! And there it was, the arrogance, the I'm better than you, the you'll never match up to me. She was honestly surprised that he had waited this long to taunt her. But then suddenly she had an idea. She could not win in this cat and mouse game with him, if she wanted to do any real damage it had to be up close and personal, letting her bulkier frame do the work. So, she sneered at him and cocked up one eyebrow. "If you are so much better then me, Lord," She dripped the word lord with so much disdain you could taste it in the air, "Then why have you been running away from me like a skittish untrained colt scared to trade blows?" She laughed harshly, "Or scared I'll mar that pretty boy face of yours?"

She then lunged forward, pushing back the pain in her shoulder as she rush the arrogant bastard. She was heading toward him straight on, rearing once more as she neared and again lashing with her hooves, this time towards his face and the brazened brand of his Helkaer mark with all the force of her forward charge behind the attack.       



Name: Danika
Breed: Black Forest Horse
Age: 8
Gender: Mare
Height: 15 hh
Alliance: Light
Health: 95%
Bite wound to left side of her face, just slightly to side and above her eye.
Right shoulder is hit and bruised and will hamper some movement.

Word Count: 400 
Attacks:
1 - Aiming a bite at the underside of his neck, seeking to rip flesh away with her strike.
2 - Lashing out at his right side/back with hooves, hoping to shove him to the ground.
3 - Lashing hooves towards his face. 
Dodges:
1 - Dodged hooved that had been aimed to lash at her left side
@minaethiel

[Deleted]

As hooves met flesh, a triumphant grin crossed Legion's face. Oh yeah, speed was definitely what it was all about for drafts. She couldn't touch him so long as he kept moving. Lessons from years past were swimming in his head, lending his blows savagery and grace. He’d practiced plenty when he was a colt against willing volunteers, though those had tried up when he’d gotten to adulthood. Lachlan Break had been his first taste of a fight, time to get himself bloodied for the first time, but it had felt more like a slaughter. The one on one with Rianne had lit his blood on fire, true, but it wasn’t the same as facing down somebody who just absolutely hated your guts. And judging from the reaction he got from his first arrogant taunt, this was a mare who hated his kind of fun. That meant by default that she was no fun at all. What a shocker. But he laughed uproariously at her returned snark. If you are so much better then me, Lord, then why have you been running away from me like a skittish untrained colt scared to trade blows? Running? Him?! As if! This bitch clearly hadn’t been paying attention, considering he’d rushed her the second she’d made a move towards him.

Or perhaps she didn’t comprehend strategy. What a pity.

Or scared I'll mar that pretty boy face of yours?

Yeah, she definitely just had no idea about strategy. And she clearly had no idea who the fuck he was at all. If his face scarred over he’d wear it like a goddamned badge of honor. Dumber than you look, he retorted immediately, considering I was attacking your fat ass the second you made a move for me! She struck like a snake, and while Legion could have dodged with how completely dramatic she made it look, the weather had other plans. Wind howled from the west, the direction he’d intended to leap, and his speedy getaway turned to molasses as he fought against Mother Nature. Fighting a battle on two fronts, Legion didn’t have time to avoid the draft mare entirely, and stars burst in his vision as her hooves impacted his head. He stumbled away almost blindly as the call to stop sounded, blinking several times to rid himself of the stars that invaded his vision. You, he began in a low growl, are so damned lucky they stopped this before I really got started. Because if they’d let it go on for longer, Legion really would have made her hurt if she thought she could count her paltry display as a victory. Still, it was a painful walk back to where the contestants gathered to mingle, Legion’s mood caught between fury, pain, and a euphoric adrenalin high.

After all, he had this in the bag, and that was all that mattered.


Name: Undead Legion
Breed: Standardbred
Age: Four Years
Gender: Stallion
Height: 16.2hh
Alliance: Dark
Health: 75%
> Chunk torn from the left side of his neck
> Kick to the head resulting in a mild concussion. Will linger for several days

Attacks:
1) Bite aimed at her left eye
2) Lashing hooves at her left side
3) Hind kick at her stomach

Dodges:
1) Dodged lashing hooves

Pippin ! He's salty, lol

[aliyaah]

I will tally.
Waiting on judge collection: Yes
Judge 1 Collection: Collected
Judge 2 Collection: Collected
Tally-ing Scores: Done

[aliyaah]

Roleplayer & Character: Pippin with Danika
Cohesiveness: 6.5
Comments:
- Posts were fairly easy to read, except for continuous typos and there are some paragraphs where sentences are much too broken.
- The day was dark an overcast, - Supposed to be "dark and overcast,"
- Almost all the others where here to fight for self glory. - Should be were not where, and self glory should be self-glory.
- , she fought for her home, Omashu , - There is an unneeded space after Omashu and before the comma.
- The wind sudden changed and at the same moment a blast of sound filled the arena. - Should be "The wing's sudden" or "The wind suddenly"
- The wind sudden changed and at the same moment a blast of sound filled the arena. - Should have a comma after "and at the same moment, a blast..."
- Movement broke, her heart pounded. - Should have a determiner before movement. Their movement broke, her movement broke.
- They where almost matched in height, him a little taller, - Should be were not where
- Danika squealed and with the strength of wind behind her she surged forward, teeth bared. - Should have a comma after her. "...and with the strength of wind behind her, she surged forward with her teeth bared." Or "...and with the strength of wind behind her, she surged forward, teeth bared."
- Instead as she rushed forward, the force of the wind aiding and pushing her, he shifted just slightly. - Should have commas after introductory phrases like Instead. "Instead, as she rushed forward..."
- This brute was only here for his own glory, for the thill of hurting others. - Thill should be Thrill
- The look in his eyes a fire in her own heart as she held on to what she was fighting for, - This sentence is a little confusing. Is it supposed to be "The look in his eyes caused a fire in her own heart..."?
- She reared up on hind legs, her goal to slam into his right side and back, lashing with hooves and pushing his off balance. - Off balance should be Off-balance, and it should be "Pushing him off-balance" not his off balance.
- Danika knew at once that she had miss judged this stallion before her. - Should be misjudged not miss judged.
- Danika knew at once that she had miss judged this stallion before her. She had been expecting, hoping, that he would pull back from her attack. Then the wind would hamper his movements. That her sudden rush would put him off, even a little bit. Instead as she rushed forward, the force of the wind aiding and pushing her, he shifted just slightly. - It feels as if there is way too many broken sentences in this paragraph and it makes it hard to follow.
- Then she felt his teeth, they tore into her flesh, luckily missing her eye by inches. - Again too many breaks. Could be written more smoothly. "She then felt his teeth as they tore into her flesh, luckily..."
- He was gone in the blink of eye from before her - Should be "He was gone in the blink of an eye"
- Several heart pounding moments later she had her hooves back firmly under her. - Should be "Several heart-pounding moments later..."
- And there it was, the arrogance, the I'm better than you, the you'll never match up to me. - Should have single quotation marks around 'you'll never catch up with me' and 'I'm better than you'.
- "If you are so much better then me, Lord," - Should be than not then
- She then lunged forward, pushing back the pain in her shoulder as she rush the arrogant bastard. - Should be "..as she rushes"
- The look in his eyes a fire in her own heart as she held on to what she was fighting for, her family and home. -- I am not entirely sure how this sentence is supposed to read.

Realism: 8.5
Comments:
- Attacks were realistic, but there were two instances of potential power-play.
- Danika rushed him, blinking back blood as it trickled down her face and into her left eye, not giving him time to fully plant his mass back on the ground. - Saying 'not giving him time to fully plant his mass back to the ground' could be power-playing. Should have be attempting or aiming before it.
- She was heading toward him straight on, rearing once more as she neared and again lashing with her hooves, this time towards his face and the brazened brand of his Helkaer mark with all the force of her forward charge behind the attack. - There is no 'attempting to go towards the face' or attempting anything, it's as if they will hit the face for sure. Could be considered power-playing.
- She noted that his aim was towards her face and her left eye, she could not move away from the attack fast enough as the wind was on his side now. She did the only thing she could think of, pulling her head away in a fast jerky movement in an attempt to save her eye from his jaws. -- The way I interpreted this was the wind was preventing her from moving quickly, yet the sentence right after says she moved quickly (jerking her head out of the way). It did not make clear sense to me.


Movement: 10
Comments:
- Attacks feel well thought out, especially in response to other roleplayer.
- All seemed to be reasonable.

Completion of the Form: 8.5
Comments:
- In post two health is 90%, in post 3 it is 95%. Think they meant to decrease it to 85 but still a mistake.
- Health goes from 90% up to 95% instead of down

TOTAL: 33.5

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Roleplayer & Character: @minaethiel with Undead Legion
Cohesiveness: 9
Comments:
- Posts were easy to read except for a few mild mistakes and run-on sentences.
- Either way, the stallion dropped back down to the earth, a wild and loving it look in his eyes that told anybody watching that he was fully in his element. - Should have single quotation marks around 'loving it'.
- Her jaws snapped towards the bottom of his throat, but he ducked low, her teeth sinking into the left side of his neck, sure, but preventing worse damage to something far more vital. - Feels like a run-on sentence and was hard to follow with the multiple breaks.
- Still, it hurt like hell as her teeth tore away at his flesh, and he barely registered as blood began streaming from the new wound on his neck, as dark as ichor against his ebony pelt. - Run-on sentence.
- He’d practiced plenty when he was a colt against willing volunteers, though those had tried up when he’d gotten to adulthood. -- I believe "tried up" should be "dried up"

Realism: 9
Comments:
- Attacks were realistic but there were a few power-playing instances.
- He pursued her on instinct, using her body as a buffer against the worst of the wind as he lunged at her face, - Should be attempting to lunge at her face.
- Whether his teeth met flesh or not, it was a quick, dirty attack that allowed him to pivot harshly on the dead plains and rear, his hooves lashing out at her side - Again, should be hooves attempting to lash out at her side.
- Instead, the ebony hellion quickly spun and kicked out with his hind legs as hard as he could at her stomach. - There is no aiming or attempting here, it is just simply he kicked at her stomach. Needs to be trying to hit her stomach or something.
- Each post seemed realistic, taking into account the elements as well as the opponent.

Movement: 10
Comments:
- Attacks feel well thought out, especially in response to other roleplayer.
- Attacks seemed reasonable.

Completion of the Form: 10
Comments:
- Completed, no issues.
- Completed correctly.

TOTAL: 38

The winner of this round is Undead Legion. 

Gladiators, please prepare yourself for the second round of battling.