Post by Oxyrrhodine on May 25, 2018 22:49:09 GMT -7
Leandros sighed heavily, pacing restlessly at the base of the cliffs that surrounded his home, his pale coat ghostly in the darkness. He should have been sleeping, resting up before tomorrow’s battle to maximize his energy and strength. Instead, however, he found himself unable to sleep, taking his wanderings to the burned edges of the territory so as not to wake anyone else, and so he didn’t interrupt anyone spending quality time with their loved ones. Leandros found himself envying those individuals. It seemed that he was always doomed to be alone. Growing up, he was always held separate from the members of the herd that he was supposed to inherit. He was supposed to be above them, better than them, but he wondered if the real reason for this separation was so he had no support system, to make him a better victim for his father’s abusive teaching methods. Even his contact with his mother had been tightly regulated, always under the watchful eye of his father or his most trusted guards. In a way, Leandros had gotten used to being alone. He still wondered, at times, if he should have just stayed on that beach where Caiomhe had found him, living as a hermit for the rest of his days. At least then he couldn’t fail anyone else.
That still felt like all he was doing: failing. Caiomhe, who had quickly become a mother figure, was gone, captured by the Helkaer. Teanna, who he thought he’d been falling in love with, had simply vanished sometime around the burning of Shadow Canyon. He’d scoured the ashes thoroughly for signs of her remains, fearing the worst, but had found nothing. He could only assume that she’d left these lands, headed for safer territories, though he hadn’t had a chance to leave Shadow Canyon to search for her. A part of the stallion was hurt that she hadn’t even spoken to him, hadn’t even bothered saying goodbye, but perhaps she’d left in a blind panic. Either way, she was gone because he’d failed to protect her and watch over her as he’d promised. Another item to add to his long list of failures. Even the burning of his home felt like his fault, considering that he’d been patrolling the borders at the time. He should’ve been more observant, should have been in a better location, should have at least confronted the intruders and tried to do something before his home was set ablaze. Not, he thought, laughing to himself bitterly, that his presence probably would’ve made much of a difference. He was a failure, a pathetic excuse for a stallion. They probably would have just killed him and burned his corpse along with everything else. But perhaps that would have been better. At least then he could say that he’d died an honorable death, protecting his homeland.
It seemed that he was being offered another chance at that, though. Wandering over to sip from a nearby pool, he found himself staring down at his reflection, at the massive scar over his ruined eye. It was a visual reminder of his failures, at his inability to protect a herd even with both eyes intact. With a snort, he turned away. “What am I thinking? I couldn’t even fight when I had both eyes. What good will I be, but as a meal for scavengers?” he muttered bitterly. Without Caiomhe, without Teanna, it was easy to get caught up in his brain, to drown in bitter self-loathing. “Still, at least I’ll die for a cause,” he mused. “But what good does that really do? I’m no help if I’m struck down without doing any damage to the enemy.” That was what had happened fighting his father’s challenger. He’d been thoroughly defeated, his challenge so pitiful as to be an insult to the more experienced stallion. Surely the Helkaer would be equally skilled in battle. “Perhaps they’ll have some weak links too, though. Or my presence might help outnumber them.” He retorted reasonably, unsure if he was trying to talk himself into this or out of this. He sighed. “What place does a one-eyed stud have in the chaos of a battlefield, though?” It would be easy for somebody to catch him off guard. He’d gotten to the point of being able to usually compensate with his senses of hearing and smell, but on a loud battlefield, reeking of bodily fluids and dirt? It would be like the first few weeks of being disabled. “Still. I have to try. Could I live with myself if I didn’t?” He knew the answer to that question. No, he couldn’t. He could barely live with himself now.
He was pacing again, his wanderings disturbing a sleeping hawk from it’s resting place in the blackened remnants of a tree. He flinched at the unexpected noise and movement, then mentally scolded himself for being so flighty. One lavender eye tracked it as it flew away, and Leandros felt a twinge of envy. Hawks, as long as they didn’t have chicks, seemed like solitary creatures. Nobody counted on them, they had nobody to let down. Even now, Leandros wondered if he should just abandon his recently acquired position of beta, to at least disappoint everyone on his terms for once. He was an honorable creature, though. There was no way that he could simply walk away from his duties. Just like he wouldn’t walk away from fighting in this war. His alliance needed all the help it could get, it seemed, and he would provide it. At least then he could feel good about trying to do the right thing, even if he failed in doing it. And, really, there were worse fates than death on the battlefield, fighting for a cause. That was a worthy way to go. He was just a coward, Leandros supposed, unable to get over his fear of his own death. His life still had a purpose, though. He was beta of Shadow Canyon, and he would try to do his duty by his herd.
Leandros turned his pale gaze up to the heavens again, this time just taking in the cosmos, the half moon and the dazzling fields of stars, the few clouds that drifted across the sky. He liked the stars. They made him feel small, but in a good way. Like his failures were insignificant on a grander scale, that he wasn’t going to screw up literally everything. His mind drifted again, wondering if his mother was still alive. If she was, perhaps, looking up at this same moon and stars. He hoped that his father’s killer was treating her well. Or at least better than his father had, though that wasn’t setting the bar very high at all. He wished he could speak to her, to see what she felt of his choices in life. It would have been nice, having her for advice. Or just being able to see her again, away from his father’s influence, to be able to talk freely with her for the first time in his life. That was another fear that sparked in his mind. If he died on the battlefield, there was no way he would see his mother again unless they both ended up in the afterlife together. Of course, there was a slim chance of them ever meeting again in life anyways. She was probably still with his father’s challenger, in lands that Leandros would never be able to return to without risking death. That was one good thing about being alone, he supposed. Nobody would miss him if he didn’t make it back. He might as well fight for the kingdom that he had recently joined. What did he have to lose?
Exhaustion was slowly winning out over the restlessness in Leandros’s mind, though. He found himself yawning, his steps growing slower, more meandering. His walk along the base of the cliffs became less directionless. Though the landmarks were harder to identify with the land’s recent makeover by flames, he was pretty sure there was a cave near here where he could spend the night. His guess was correct, and soon he was lying on the sandy floor, humming snippets of a half-remembered lullaby to himself as he tried to lull himself to sleep. Whatever the morning brought, he would make his best attempt to do his duty.
Character: Leandros
Words: 1,397
Notes: Apparently he prepares for battle by being emo
Bonuses Attempted
Hawkeye
Deep Thought
Madman
Overachiever
That still felt like all he was doing: failing. Caiomhe, who had quickly become a mother figure, was gone, captured by the Helkaer. Teanna, who he thought he’d been falling in love with, had simply vanished sometime around the burning of Shadow Canyon. He’d scoured the ashes thoroughly for signs of her remains, fearing the worst, but had found nothing. He could only assume that she’d left these lands, headed for safer territories, though he hadn’t had a chance to leave Shadow Canyon to search for her. A part of the stallion was hurt that she hadn’t even spoken to him, hadn’t even bothered saying goodbye, but perhaps she’d left in a blind panic. Either way, she was gone because he’d failed to protect her and watch over her as he’d promised. Another item to add to his long list of failures. Even the burning of his home felt like his fault, considering that he’d been patrolling the borders at the time. He should’ve been more observant, should have been in a better location, should have at least confronted the intruders and tried to do something before his home was set ablaze. Not, he thought, laughing to himself bitterly, that his presence probably would’ve made much of a difference. He was a failure, a pathetic excuse for a stallion. They probably would have just killed him and burned his corpse along with everything else. But perhaps that would have been better. At least then he could say that he’d died an honorable death, protecting his homeland.
It seemed that he was being offered another chance at that, though. Wandering over to sip from a nearby pool, he found himself staring down at his reflection, at the massive scar over his ruined eye. It was a visual reminder of his failures, at his inability to protect a herd even with both eyes intact. With a snort, he turned away. “What am I thinking? I couldn’t even fight when I had both eyes. What good will I be, but as a meal for scavengers?” he muttered bitterly. Without Caiomhe, without Teanna, it was easy to get caught up in his brain, to drown in bitter self-loathing. “Still, at least I’ll die for a cause,” he mused. “But what good does that really do? I’m no help if I’m struck down without doing any damage to the enemy.” That was what had happened fighting his father’s challenger. He’d been thoroughly defeated, his challenge so pitiful as to be an insult to the more experienced stallion. Surely the Helkaer would be equally skilled in battle. “Perhaps they’ll have some weak links too, though. Or my presence might help outnumber them.” He retorted reasonably, unsure if he was trying to talk himself into this or out of this. He sighed. “What place does a one-eyed stud have in the chaos of a battlefield, though?” It would be easy for somebody to catch him off guard. He’d gotten to the point of being able to usually compensate with his senses of hearing and smell, but on a loud battlefield, reeking of bodily fluids and dirt? It would be like the first few weeks of being disabled. “Still. I have to try. Could I live with myself if I didn’t?” He knew the answer to that question. No, he couldn’t. He could barely live with himself now.
He was pacing again, his wanderings disturbing a sleeping hawk from it’s resting place in the blackened remnants of a tree. He flinched at the unexpected noise and movement, then mentally scolded himself for being so flighty. One lavender eye tracked it as it flew away, and Leandros felt a twinge of envy. Hawks, as long as they didn’t have chicks, seemed like solitary creatures. Nobody counted on them, they had nobody to let down. Even now, Leandros wondered if he should just abandon his recently acquired position of beta, to at least disappoint everyone on his terms for once. He was an honorable creature, though. There was no way that he could simply walk away from his duties. Just like he wouldn’t walk away from fighting in this war. His alliance needed all the help it could get, it seemed, and he would provide it. At least then he could feel good about trying to do the right thing, even if he failed in doing it. And, really, there were worse fates than death on the battlefield, fighting for a cause. That was a worthy way to go. He was just a coward, Leandros supposed, unable to get over his fear of his own death. His life still had a purpose, though. He was beta of Shadow Canyon, and he would try to do his duty by his herd.
Leandros turned his pale gaze up to the heavens again, this time just taking in the cosmos, the half moon and the dazzling fields of stars, the few clouds that drifted across the sky. He liked the stars. They made him feel small, but in a good way. Like his failures were insignificant on a grander scale, that he wasn’t going to screw up literally everything. His mind drifted again, wondering if his mother was still alive. If she was, perhaps, looking up at this same moon and stars. He hoped that his father’s killer was treating her well. Or at least better than his father had, though that wasn’t setting the bar very high at all. He wished he could speak to her, to see what she felt of his choices in life. It would have been nice, having her for advice. Or just being able to see her again, away from his father’s influence, to be able to talk freely with her for the first time in his life. That was another fear that sparked in his mind. If he died on the battlefield, there was no way he would see his mother again unless they both ended up in the afterlife together. Of course, there was a slim chance of them ever meeting again in life anyways. She was probably still with his father’s challenger, in lands that Leandros would never be able to return to without risking death. That was one good thing about being alone, he supposed. Nobody would miss him if he didn’t make it back. He might as well fight for the kingdom that he had recently joined. What did he have to lose?
Exhaustion was slowly winning out over the restlessness in Leandros’s mind, though. He found himself yawning, his steps growing slower, more meandering. His walk along the base of the cliffs became less directionless. Though the landmarks were harder to identify with the land’s recent makeover by flames, he was pretty sure there was a cave near here where he could spend the night. His guess was correct, and soon he was lying on the sandy floor, humming snippets of a half-remembered lullaby to himself as he tried to lull himself to sleep. Whatever the morning brought, he would make his best attempt to do his duty.
Character: Leandros
Words: 1,397
Notes: Apparently he prepares for battle by being emo
Bonuses Attempted
Hawkeye
Deep Thought
Madman
Overachiever