The Outsider walks among us
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Post by + ebonite + on Nov 27, 2021 23:41:25 GMT -7
It had been a few weeks now since Void had spoken to Casi about learning herbs and going to this thing called "therapy." In that time, a lot had changed. He no longer lived in the Freelands and now lived in Shadow Canyon with his uncle - who had previously tried to kill them all and had arranged a demon to kidnap him. He liked to think it was all water under the bridge now and for the most part, it was. The only thing about it was that he now had to go to this therapy thing and going to that automatically made all of the bad memories rise up again, unwanted. It was just so much easier to pretend that everything was fine. But he'd promised Casi and he was a stallion of his word, whatever that was worth. That and the nightmares still weren't going away and, in fact, seemed to be getting worse. It probably had to do with the fact that he was living with the uncle who'd conspired to murder him, intentionally or not, so it was becoming a dire situation. He'd never found that corpse that he'd buried when he'd spoken to Casi and he'd forgotten a lot more corpses since then. He'd never get his bone collection back at this rate. So, something had to give. He traveled over the familiar terrain of the Freelands, reminisicing slightly about the memories he'd made when he'd called this place home. He didn't know if they were good or bad memories per se, but they were memories. He felt flashes of them as he walked past. Karnaca and Serkonos had accompanied him on this particular venture. They didn't want him to go so far away without them and they made for fantastic guards. He never had to worry about anyone bothering him as long as they were with him, and if anyone tried to bother him, they would dispatch that unlucky equine easily. Compared to his sister, he was very much lacking in fighting skills, but why did he need to fight when the wolves did all of the work for him? The mountain became visible in the distance then. A cold breeze was sweeping across the lands and he shivered. The wolves huddled closer to him, sharing in their body heat. It was much colder here than it was back home. It still felt weird to call it that. He would probably bring that up in the session today. When he'd first heard about therapy and having to talk about his problems, he'd been very resistant to it and had thought he'd just sit there and wait out the time until Duramus got bored. But now that he'd had weeks to think about it, he was going to use this time to his advantage. He'd talk about everything. He wouldn't hold back on anything. Duramus was about to get some very interesting insights to his family. He halted once he was well enough within the borders and let out a call, "It's Void! I would like to speak to Duramus!" Hopefully Casi had let the Vigilum stallion know that he was coming. This might get awkward if he hadn't. timeline a few weeks after he speaks to casi tag Sunfrost with Duramus notes ehehehe >3 "Speech"
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Post by Sunfrost on Jan 5, 2022 19:40:40 GMT -7
Duramus didn’t like winter. He had a warm enough coat, sure, especially given the extra hair on his hooves, but he was simply not a fan of the cold. It was something he had truly never liked. Now, as a Vigilum to boot, it brought injuries along with it. Horses somehow got even stupider in the winter in terms of their health and safety. Slipping on snow, doing injury-prone things…and depression was up, too, given how dark and cold it was outside. It meant lots of work for Dur, and for once he was actually feeling a bit grumpy about it. The sixteen year old was mature enough not to go expressing it to all and sundry, but sometimes even he got tired and wanted a day to himself. It would come in time, he was sure, and part of him acknowledged this was a bit of repentance for him, given how he had focused solely on himself during his first few years in this world….but the odd feelings still occasionally persisted, no matter the logic behind feeling otherwise.
There was no rest, though, not for now. At least the Vigilum numbered three and were therefore able to handle the slew of cases coming their way. The messenger birds had spoken of a Gladiator Tournament happening soon, too. More injuries were to come! With that chipper thought, Duramus’s ears flicked as he heard a voice calling out to him – someone called Void, who would like to speak with him. Ah. His brain flickered through past conversations with Casi, landing on how he had mentioned that a Void would be coming to see him ‘at some point’. It had been a bit of a while back, but thankfully Dur was operating on autopilot as he thought, and his hooves carried him in the direction of Void’s voice even as he tried to recall what else he knew about this horse. Had there been something else? Well, he supposed he would find out shortly. His hooves found the smoothest path down towards the other horse, not slipping once despite the wintry ground underfoot. He had become skilled very quickly at navigating this mountain in winter, and that skill wasn’t about to go away any time soon.
Hello he called out as he approached, seeing a rather interestingly colored horse flanked by two wolves. Thankfully he knew this horse’s name from Casi, though not his appearance, and Casi would likely have mentioned if the horse was a Helkaer. It was still unusual for any horse to have more than one companion, though. I am Duramus, as you know he nickered with no small degree of amusement, finally halting a respectful distance away. Welcome to Mount Vigilum! Where the views almost justify how much colder it is up here. It truly was quite beautiful up here, though the cold made Dur want to go hide in the back of a warm, herb-filled cave sometimes. Casi mentioned you might want to come by to talk about some things? he probed gently, deciding not to rest too much on pleasantries or pretend he didn’t know what this visit was about.
tagged// + ebonite + notes// Here you go. Looking forward to this one! Dur and I ended up being in a very whimsical mood.
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Post by + ebonite + on Jan 21, 2022 23:10:39 GMT -7
The wind was bitter and even with his wolves flanking him, Void could feel the cold cutting through. He wondered if there was a better place for he and Duramus to go and talk. This mountain had to have some kind of shelter against the elements didn't it? Otherwise how could horses bear to live here? Void's build was more on the slender side and he didn't get a suitably thick coat in the winter. Good thing you don't live here then, he mused. Twitching an ear, he could hear someone approaching and turned his head toward the noise. A large draft stallion appeared in the distance, making his way toward Void and his wolf companions. Hopefully it was Duramus. Void had specifically called for him, of course, but he supposed there was a possibility that his call was being answered by someone else. Duramus looked a lot like Casimiro did, if Void was honest. They were both draft builds with bay coats and had at least a hand and a half on Void. As the stallion drew closer though, Void could make out the painted markings on his pelt and the lack of lacing on his back. He wondered if the two of them ever pretended to be each other. The thought made him chuckle a bit, though he supposed pretending to be someone else really wasn't Vigilum business, especially when they couldn't lie. 'Hello,' the stallion said. 'I am Duramus, as you know,' he continued, his tones amused. He halted a respectful distance away. Karnaca and Serkonos regarded the Vigilum stallion with the same suspicion they regarded all strangers. 'Welcome to Mount Vigilum! Where the views almost justify how much colder it is up here,' he said. Void quirked a brow. Really? Well, maybe he needed to go and see these views, because he was rather tired of the wind. Maybe they could do that while they talked? A climb could warm him up, though the wind would probably be worse. 'Casi mentioned you might want to come by to talk about some things?' the stallion continued and pulled Void out of thoughts of mountain climbing adventures. The memories flashed behind his eyes, fragments of the nightmares that he suffered nearly every night. Burning, drowning, fire, water, he couldn't breathe... he closed his eyes briefly and opened them again, meeting Dur's gaze. "Yeah. I'm having problems sleeping because of all the nightmares," he said, matter-of-factly, as if talking about the weather. "I'm either burning or drowning... it's not pleasant," he crinkled his nose up to highlight this. "I was kidnapped by a demon and he put me in a cave that was filling with water. Then my home burned down. So, I guess the nightmares make sense," he sighed, "I just want them to stop." Desperation creeped into his voice at the last sentence and he realized how much he wanted this to work. Before all of this, sleeping had been an unknown luxury. It had been so easy. Now, he never felt rested and he couldn't do the things he wanted to do - like scavenge Mount Vigilum for bones - but he'd do that after this. timeline a few weeks after he speaks to casi tag Sunfrost with Duramus notes i'm a creep... i'm a weirdo... "Speech"
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Post by Sunfrost on Feb 12, 2022 11:21:22 GMT -7
The wolves watched Duramus with suspicion as he awaited a reply from the horse before him. Dur watched them right back, gray eyes unafraid as he made eye contact with each of them. Dur did not fight physically with his hooves anymore, but he did still know how to. The scars cluttering his bay pelt should tell any horse that. Void seemed nice enough so far – he had looked curious when Duramus mentioned the views up top the mountain. The bay watched his newest patient closely, noting the closed eyes yet the lack of fear as he met Dur’s gaze. The horse stated matter-of-factly that he had been having trouble sleeping because of nightmares, during which he was either burning or drowning. Curious. The Vigilum wondered if the dreams had any connection to the Versai or the Helkaer, given water and fire were their elements, and Void was walking around with wolves. He’d have to ask.
As Void continued to speak, though, Duramus realized he wouldn’t have to ask this at all. It had nothing to do with the two other factions and everything to do with being kidnapped by a demon, imprisoned in a cave that was filling with water, and having his home burned down. Dur blinked, surprised that Void had opened up that much already to him. It seemed like a sensitive subject that Dur would not have expected the horse to divulge so soon. Perhaps Casi encouraged this openness from him? he mused, even as he nodded in acceptance and sympathy as Void neighed that he just wanted the nightmares to stop. Thank you for telling me this he began, his voice soft and standing in stark contrast to the desperation that had coated Void’s own. I would be happy to help you however I can. Do you mind if we walk as we talk? The air was cold and bit into Dur’s skin, and he imagined Void was feeling much the same. Walking would also provide a good distraction as they worked together to dive into Void’s nightmares and why they occurred.
I think you are right that there is a connection between what happened to you and the nightmares you are having he neighed, allowing his thoughts to drift over what he knew of dreams. He hadn’t helped many horses with this kind of issue before, but he would be damned if he didn’t try to help in some way. Nightmares typically occurred because of unresolved trauma, negative thoughts, fears, and the like. It was entirely likely that this was why Void had them, but Dur would have to find out more first. Could you tell me more about what happened with this demon who kidnapped you? he asked, deciding to start there. They would move on to the home burning down and how that related after. Dur firmly believed in a one-step-at-a-time approach to matters such as this. It would not do to tackle everything at once.
+ ebonite + (Void is so FUNNY lol)
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Post by + ebonite + on Mar 27, 2022 9:57:45 GMT -7
Void watched Duramus, wondering what the stallion would say. He'd told him his problem - now when was the therapy supposed to start? Maybe he should have talked to Casi more about this so he knew what to expect. The biggest reaction Duramus gave during Void's talk was blinking, otherwise, his expression was neutral. Void began to wonder if he had done something wrong. He didn't wonder this for very long though, as Duramus responded. 'Thank you for telling me this,' the stallion said. Void nodded, though privately he wondered why, given there would be no point to this if Void told him nothing. 'I would be happy to help you however I can. Do you mind if we walk as we talk?' the stallion added and Void nodded again with more enthusiasm. He was starting to shiver as he stood there. "Yes, please. If we could walk to these views, that would be nice too," he replied, still curious about them and whether it was true that they almost made enduring this frigid weather worth it. Karnaca and Serkonos seemed just as eager to get moving as they shifted back and forth on their paws. He bent down to growl a few words and make a few gestures to them to explain that they were going to walk with this stranger. As they'd grown as pups, Void had divised his own language to speak to them, trying to combine how they all talked together. The result was gibberish to anyone else around them who happened to listen in, but it worked well enough. 'I think you are right that there is a connection between what happened to you and the nightmares you are having,' Duramus started again. 'Could you tell me more about what happened with this demon who kidnapped you?' Oh, Void could go into great detail about what had happened that day. Is that what Duramus wanted or did he want some kind of shortened version? Though he wasn't sure if shortening it up would help his situation. Wouldn't Duramus want to know as many details as possible? "Oh, yeah, it's a long story," he started out himself, calm as ever. "Basically the demon was working with my great uncle to try to get back at my grandma - though my great uncle didn't know about the demon having a history with my grandma. My sister and I were playing and he had this power that made you sick," he paused, the memory of the sickness washing over him. He involuntarily shuddered, gave himself a shake, and continued on, "so my sister couldn't help me and I was too weak to fight back. He pushed and kicked at me all across the desert and into the Freelands. He forced me to go into this cave by the ocean." The journey to get to Kunipar Cliff was a blur of heat, sand, and pain. His brain had been so foggy that he could barely organize a coherent thought. "It was supposed to be a hostage exchange. Me for my grandma. But the demon told me I was just going to die instead," his voice broke at the end and he shrugged as if it hadn't happened. It hadn't been so much a kidnapping as an escort to execution. timeline a few weeks after he speaks to casi tag Sunfrost with Duramus notes void: -word vomits trauma everywhere- "Speech"
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Post by Sunfrost on Apr 20, 2022 16:48:35 GMT -7
Void nodded twice, once in acknowledgment of him being thanked for talking and once when he asked if they could walk and talk. Good. Void had come receptive to this conversation in the first place, and the fact that he remained receptive after speaking instead of clamming up – which was something that had definitely happened to Duramus before with other patients (or were they clients?) – was a good sign that the conversation could continue. Void spoke now, asking if they could walk to get closer to the views. Of course Dur replied, his tone a tad warmer. Duramus knew the hike up Mount Vigilum could be irritatingly tiring, but the views from the top made it worth it. The cold was refreshing rather than overwhelming to him, no doubt helped by his thicker-than-usual coat due to his draft heritage, and it was one of many things he’d grown to love about Mount Vigilum. He’d be more than happy to take in the views while speaking, and thought they could have a calming effect on Void as well.
Dur noted that Void bent down towards his wolves, his voice almost sounding like a growl. Fascinating. It sounded like utter nonsense to his untrained ears, but he supposed the way the Vigilum communicated with their messenger birds would also make little sense to a non-Vigilum. Dur imagined he was talking with them about going over to see the views – either that, or he was announcing it was dinner time and that Dur was on the menu. The Vigilum doubted that, though, especially since Void had been genuine in his request. The bay stallion considered that perhaps the Helkaer simply led to him distrusting wolves. He’d have to be careful to guard against that bias.
He began to walk towards the views as he spoke, asking about the demon who had kidnapped him. Void mentioned it would be a long story, to which Dur nodded. The long story was definitely what he wanted. Details were important. Dur’s eyes traced the horizon, admiring the views before him, as the details of Void’s story washed over him. A demon working with another family member to get back at his grandmother, making Void and his sister sick – his words stopped there, a brief pause, and Dur’s gray eyes flickered over, noting the shudder and shake. Yes, the memory was strong within Void even now – but how did that relate to the sensation of burning and drowning that Void felt in his dreams? Perhaps further details would shed light on that connection.
Void continued, describing how the demon had effectively kidnapped and brought him to a cave by the ocean in the Freelands. The demon claimed it was supposed to be a hostage exchange for his grandmother, but that had changed to execution apparently upon arrival. Dur nodded, showing he was listening, sympathy light on his lips as he neighed That’s terrible. I’m sorry that this happened to you. Void’s voice had broken at the last sentence, but his shrug spoke of nonchalance. Maybe Void was having nightmares because he refused to acknowledge what had happened, instead brushing it off when awake as he was doing right now? Dur knew he needed more information. What happened next? he asked, tone gentle as the breeze that suddenly entwined around them. He didn’t ask if Void was able to continue – the horse would likely insist he was and plow on, pretending he was unaffected – but that didn’t mean a gentle mannerism wasn’t warranted.
tagged// + ebonite + notes// Another for you <3
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Post by + ebonite + on May 16, 2022 19:25:31 GMT -7
Their climb began and Void was grateful for it. The chill was starting to make him shiver, even in the company of his wolves. Working his muscles would warm him up. Hopefully the view at the top would be worth it too. Void tried not to look up and discourage himself from the climb. It would be a long one. That meant plenty of time to talk, though. Duramus was a good listener, it seemed. He nodded at the appropriate spots and his expression was one of profound sympathy. It was an expression that Void was not very familiar with. His family wasn't very good at sympathy. Or feelings in general. Unless it was rage. His sister was pretty good at that one. His mother too. Void couldn't really recall the last time he'd gotten really angry. Maybe in the few days after Toxin Raj had burned down. But he'd had a lot of feelings on the days following that particular trauma. Most of it was sadness though. Loss. His entire collection, gone. He gave himself a shake so he would stop thinking about it. First thing was first. He had to get through the drowning before he moved onto the fire. 'That’s terrible. I’m sorry that this happened to you.,' the Vigilum stallion said. Void nodded and gave another nonchalant shrug. It had been terrible, he supposed, yes. Just some terrible thing that had happened. But it was no big deal right? After all, he was still alive. His family had gotten to him in time. 'What happened next?' Dur prompted. Void tilted his head to the side as he recalled, his pace still steady as they made the climb. "The cave started filling with water. There was no way for me to get out," he said, though his voice started fading as the memories came rushing back. "But I could hear my sister yelling for me. They got there in time. We managed to break through a wall before I ran out of air," he continued on, his ears slightly pinned now. Maybe this wasn't going to be as easy as he thought. "It was terrible, but they got to me in time. So it all worked out," he added with another shrug. He slowed his steps down a bit. "They got to me in time," he repeated, "so why am I still dreaming about it? I survived." He didn't understand why his dreams were plagued with something that could have happened but didn't. He'd been rescued. He was alive. There was nothing to fear. Right? timeline a few weeks after he speaks to casi tag Sunfrost with Duramus notes void: -word vomits trauma everywhere- "Speech"
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Post by Sunfrost on Jul 7, 2022 18:02:19 GMT -7
Duramus was unsurprised with Void’s nonchalant shrug after he expressed sympathy for what had happened for the other horse. Void seemed like the type that would pretend it was all no big deal, even though it clearly was. Dur wondered if perhaps the horse’s nightmares were connected to his denial. Thankfully, Void coming here was a fantastic first step in the road down to figuring out how to handle things and to acceptance of what had happened. Dur knew it might be a long process, but he was more than happy to wait it out and see what happened. The Vigilum stallion gently prompted for details of what had happened next, which Void was only too happy to provide. He described how the cave filled with water, and there was no way out. His voice faded as memories no doubt came to him. Dur didn’t make a sound, letting the silence speak for itself as they continued their climb. He was not in a rush; the view at the top was as contemplative and nice as the climb.
Void described how his siter had called for him, and he had managed to be rescued. Dur nodded in acknowledgment, tilting his head slightly to observe Void’s body language. Void’s ears were pinned – why? Was there something hostile that he associated with what had happened to him? Was he feeling hostile towards him, or towards the situation? Dur imagined it was over the situation, but he would keep a careful eye just in case. Some horses became defensive as they revealed personal stories and feelings associated with them. Dur didn’t know yet if Void was one such horse. He relaxed as Void began to speak again, his tone the same even if his ears were pinned. He shrugged, downplaying being saved from drowning, and then asked why he was still dreaming about it even though he had survived.
Dur had some theories, but presenting them took a bit more thought. They walked in silence for a while as Dur picked through his words, finally choosing to say I think because you have to accept what happened to you. Not just that you survived, but that it was also a close call. He paused, wondering how to further elaborate on that, finally choosing to say I think you’ve accepted that you survived and chose to focus on that rather than how you felt when you were in the cave. Because you have unresolved feelings concerning what happened, it’s natural for such feelings to appear in your subconscious…in your nightmares. Could you tell me more about how you felt while you were in the cave? I know it may be difficult to discuss…but it may help.
tagged// + ebonite + notes// Thank you as always for your patience <3
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Post by + ebonite + on Jul 31, 2022 17:49:42 GMT -7
Now that he was in the thick of it, he could feel the anger roiling through him. The frustration. The confusion. He had survived all of these terrible things and yet they still stubbornly clung to him, refusing to be forgotten. It didn't make any sense. He hoped that Duramus had some ideas about it all. Otherwise Void was not sure what to do. Stop sleeping maybe? He barely got any sleep as it was, or at least nothing restful. So far, he was surviving on what little he got. But it wasn't going to last forever. The climb continued on and Void continued his own steady pace, despite the anger. It was not an emotion that he felt often. Feeling it, though, he could understand why Wolf did what she did. And his mother too. He was not sure he liked it though. His sister liked the violence. Thrived in it. Sought it out. He preferred to observe and sort through the aftermath. That's where he got his joy. He didn't think he'd ever be a fighter like the rest of his family. He was the odd one out in that way, but it didn't bother him. He just wanted to be able to sleep again. 'I think because you have to accept what happened to you. Not just that you survived, but that it was also a close call,' Duramus said. Void turned this over in his head. But the fact that he'd survived was proof that he'd accepted it right? Otherwise he'd be dead. He knew he'd survived and he could talk about it. 'I think you’ve accepted that you survived and chose to focus on that rather than how you felt when you were in the cave. Because you have unresolved feelings concerning what happened, it’s natural for such feelings to appear in your subconscious...in your nightmares.' Duramus explained further. Void crinkled his brow in thought as they walked. It was... true, he supposed. He didn't like remembering what had happened in the cave. How scared he'd felt. How he wasn't ready. Would they have ever found his body or would it have been stuck forever in the cave? Would his sister have had the chance to collect his bones to remember him by? 'Could you tell me more about how you felt while you were in the cave? I know it may be difficult to discuss... but it may help,' Duramus' words were kind, gentle, but Void's mind recoiled violently anyway. He didn't want to talk about it. Why did he have to talk about it? He had survived! But that was the whole problem, wasn't it. "I-" he started out, his throat cutting off his voice. The wolves sensed his discomfort and circled closer to him. "I was scared. I didn't want to die," his voice was quiet when he managed to speak again. For as much as death fascinated him, he didn't want to experience it yet. timeline a few weeks after he speaks to casi tag Sunfrost with Duramus notes void why are u like this "Speech"
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Post by Sunfrost on Aug 28, 2022 9:21:51 GMT -7
Duramus watched Void intently without trying to make it obvious that he was examining him – as intently as he could from the corners of his eyes, anyway, as a direct gaze would be way too obvious. Horses weren’t as open if they knew they were being examined, unless they had some sort of psychological problem and glorified in the attention. Dur guessed Void wasn’t that type of horse. Void seemed to be thinking over what he had said, if the intent look on his face was anything to go by, so Dur continued to speak, expanding on what he had said. The bay Vigilum watched as Void thought more about that, too. It made Dur feel good that he was reacting positively rather than inherently negatively to it. Some horses would have objected to the process of thought entirely and just reacted, and not in a positive way. This showed Void’s readiness for a discussion of this kind. Some treatments were about timing, and Dur knew what it was like to deal with a patient who was not ready to be a patient. The willingness to come here without coercion showed the Vigilum all he needed to know about Void’s readiness. He just hoped it would actually help the troubled horse.
He probed now, gently asking how Void had felt in the cave, expecting an emotional reaction and indeed getting just that. Void began to speak, his throat closing over his words as he tried to collect himself. Dur made no sound, did not slow in his walk, and did not react even as Void’s companion wolves circled closer. The Vigilum just hoped they wouldn’t identify him as an evildoer in this situation and act to defend their friend. He didn’t fancy his chances against two wolves, as battle hardened as he used to be, and he also did not want to break the fragile confidence Void was developing in him to solve his issues. Defending himself, even if justified, would involve hurting the wolves and hurting that trust. It was not affordable.
I was scared. I didn’t want to die. Void’s words were quiet, not quite bleached of emotion but as calm as he could voice them. Dur nodded, accepting the words and showing no judgment in his gray eyes as he responded Do you feel this emotion regularly in your everyday life, outside of your nightmares? Is there anything that triggers this feeling in the waking world? He paused, then added Do you fear it happening again? Fear would explain why he might constantly have nightmares – fear of the unknown, fear of feeling it again. Dur could understand that. He just wanted Void to voice it.
tagged// + ebonite + notes// A bit rushed and shaky but hopefully it makes sense haha, many apologies <3
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Post by + ebonite + on Dec 14, 2022 18:29:01 GMT -7
Now that the words were out in the open, he could feel his mood turning darker and darker. He didn't want to talk more about the cave. About how scared he had felt. It was over and done with. He didn't need to talk about it. Was Duramus going to ask him to keep talking about the cave? Void didn't know if he could do that. Just saying the two sentences he had made him want to run far away from here. His wolves had fallen in one either side of him. They were eyeing Duramus warily, but neither had become outright hostile yet. If they continued in this conversation though, that could be a possibility. In that case, Void would have to dismiss himself from all of this. He didn't want Duramus to get hurt. Even if he was making Void uncomfortable and putting him in a foul mood. The bay Vigilum stallion was calm and almost serene in his response to Void's words. He gave nothing away, didn't slow his pace, didn't change his expression. 'Do you feel this emotion regularly in your everyday life, outside of your nightmares?' was the first question that he posed. Void scrunched his face in thought. Did he? Was he afraid outside of the nightmares? Well, he was afraid of the nightmares. He wasn't sure if that counted. 'Is there anything that triggers this feeling in the waking world?' Dur asked next. Well, when he thought about sleeping. And the nightmares. But what were the nightmares of? Of drowning and of burning. A shudder went through him. 'Do you fear it happening again?' The next question sent another chill down his spine and the wolf to his left - closest to Duramus - began to growl softly as it sensed Void's fear. Fear. "Hush, Serkonos," he said to the wolf and he quieted. Void's eyes stared ahead of him, his pace slowing as he tried to organize what he was thinking, what he was feeling. It took him several moments to formulate the one-word answer. "Yes," he said. His pace quickened again as he admitted it. "I'm afraid of the nightmares. But the nightmares are of burning and drowning," he added after several more paces. So, he was afraid. What could be done about that? How could he conquer the fear so he could sleep again? His teal gaze settled on Duramus, awaiting more of the stallion's advice. timeline a few weeks after he speaks to casi tag Sunfrost with Duramus notes void: -realizations- "Speech"
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Post by Sunfrost on Jan 3, 2023 19:10:31 GMT -7
Asking for a description of someone’s trauma caused them to relive it. Duramus knew this, yet sometimes the only path forward was to ask anyway. The Vigilum knew he had to understand where the emotions originated in order to work with his patient on how to overcome them. Such it was that he maintained his serenity even as he picked up on the subtle darkening of feeling around Void. It wasn’t so much what his face, eyes, and voice said, though those cues helped as well. It was how the horse’s two companion wolves clustered at his sides, and how Duramus could feel their eyes on him. The bay doubted they would attack, but he kept a kind gray eye on them all the same. The wolves’ reactions meant Void was feeling uncomfortable – and of course he was. It would be on Dur to gentle this conversation up soon. Too much in one session could be overwhelming and cause more harm than good.
Duramus observed Void’s responses to his latest volley of questions. Void seemed thoughtful when asked about whether he felt the emotions of his nightmares outside of them. When asked about what triggers those feelings in the waking world, he still did not answer, but Dur’s observant eyes saw the shudder that went through him, a mental sensation that couldn’t help its physical expression. The bay draft mix pressed on with his final question about fearing it happening again, and at this point Dur’s ears twitched as he picked up a growl from one of Void’s wolves. Regardless of how that sound made him feel – like something deep and primal within him urged him to flee before it – Dur stood his ground, maintained his neutral façade, and awaited Void’s reply. Both he and Void would get through this moment.
Yes. I’m afraid of the nightmares. But the nightmares are of burning and drowning. The walking and talking seemed to be helping Void, his quicker pace speaking to the speed of his emotions and giving him a welcome distraction from simply feeling. Dur felt Void’s teal eyes on them, a silent plea for help and clarity. Dur only hoped that he would be able to deliver. He wanted to live up to Casi’s expectations of him in helping Void out, and he truly did want Void to find peace. Your nightmares seem to be triggered by sensations, and how those sensations made you feel Dur observed. Are you afraid when it rains? Dur’s thoughts were around whether exposure to lighter stimuli could help Void overcome his feelings, but he first needed to figure out how badly these stimuli bothered Void. If even rain was an issue, Dur was likely to recommend Void spend time out in it. If rain was fine, though, then Dur would have to think of some other more extreme but graduated way for Void to overcome his reactions to sensations.
It also didn’t escape Dur’s notice that burning and drowning were associated with the Helkaer and the Versai, respectively, but he felt that he should keep that for a later line of conversation.
tagged// + ebonite + notes// Honestly one of the most complex threads for Dur, psychological treatment speaking. Thanks for this <3
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Post by + ebonite + on Jun 30, 2023 18:51:04 GMT -7
void Talking about all of this outloud was making every uncomfortable feeling come flooding back. It was a torrent. Void felt like he was caught. The flashbacks flicked behind his eyelids. The cave. The demon. The feeling of water getting higher and higher against his skin. Screaming desperately for help. He could hear the pounding of hooves against the stone. His heart was beating so fast. What if they didn't reach him in time? What if he drowned just as they broke through? Void stopped abruptly in his walk and the wolves tensed beside him, the fur on their necks bristling. They began to growl. "No, stop," he managed to say to them. They tilted their heads at him and shared a glance. No, he didn't want Duramus to be caught in the crossfire. Void had come to him, after all. The easier solution would be to just turn around and walk away. Just leave. Flee and never come back to this place. The grass was burning. The air was filled with smoke. He squeezed his eyes shut, as if that would somehow make it better. "It's too much," he mumbled, not sure if he was saying it to himself, to his wolves, or to Duramus. 'Your nightmares seem to be triggered by sensations, and how those sensations made you feel,' Duramus was talking again and Void clung to the words, trying to ground himself again. 'Are you afraid when it rains?' he asked him. Void tried to think. He opened his eyes again, taking in the rocky soil beneath his feet. Was he? He couldn't remember the last time it had rained. Was that because he'd been avoiding it? What would he do if it started raining right now? His first thought was that it would be a welcome distraction from the flashbacks in his brain. So, no, the rain did not bother him. But he hadn't nearly drowned in the rain. It had started at his feet and worked its way up, slowly, along his body. He shuddered. The realization hit him that he probably wouldn't be able to swim. The idea of getting in any body of water made him feel nauseous. "No," he answered slowly, trying to gather himself, work some moisture into his dry mouth. "But I don't think I can swim," he said, his gaze working its way up toward Duramus again. He did live by a giant lake now. He'd never really looked at it before. Was it because he was afraid? He could feel himself trembling now, but at least he'd calmed down and so had his wolves. They were both sitting next to each other, a little ways off. Hopefully that meant they wouldn't be as attuned to his fear so they would end up attacking Duramus. tag Sunfrosttimeline a few weeks after he speaks to casi notes thank you for your patience <3 i'm so glad that we could thread this out!!
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Post by Sunfrost on Sept 12, 2023 6:56:31 GMT -7
Duramus saw the moment when the conversation became hard for Void to work through. He stopped abruptly, and Dur obligingly came to a halt as well even as the two wolves at Void’s side began to growl. Dur stayed calm even as his heart instinctually sped slightly. He couldn’t help an equine’s natural reaction to predators growling at him, even if he was confident said predators were actually friendly and would not attack them. And if they did…Dur wasn’t necessarily going to do anything about that. He would dodge their attacks, but he wouldn’t fight back unless it seemed like they were going to kill him. Also, having wolves attack and attacking them back would only eliminate Void’s trust in him, even though it would be in self-defense, and they’d have to start from square negative one with treatment next time.
Void’s eyes were squeezed shut. He mumbled that it was too much. Dur didn’t know who it was directed at – likely whatever he was seeing behind his eyelids. He let the comment pass, seeing and evaluating, asking his next question regardless. His words would hopefully ground Void in the present than in whatever he was seeing from his past. Was it the cave where he had drowned? Was he reliving that moment as he discussed it with Dur? The bay Vigilum imagined that might be causing more unpleasant sensations to bubble up – and in a way, that was good. Those were the sensations that needed to be worked through. Dur asked if he was afraid when it rained and watched with interest as Void thought that through. The horse answered no, but that he didn’t think he could swim – that made sense, given the cave had gradually filled and that sensation was not what Dur would wish on anyone. He was looking at Dur again, meeting his gray eyes, and that made Dur feel confident that this first session was progressing to where it needed to be. In fact…this might be just enough. Void was on edge now, processing sensations, and it was only the first session. They could dive deeper over time. But for now…
Thank you for sharing, Void Dur neighed, a gentle smile on his face as he dipped his head to acknowledge the difficulty of doing so. I think that if you want to rid yourself of your nightmares, there are three options before you, but only two of those options are ones I would recommend. The first option is that you work through the trauma in real life – learn to swim, maybe. Once you master your fears in the real world, you won’t be as scared of them when you are asleep. That would require gradual exposure to water – shallow water, to start, just walking through it, or even through puddles in a marsh. A bit more risky, but a solid way to overcome your fear, if it is possible. He paused, gaze measuring Void’s response to that, before continuing on. The second option is the longest one – give it time. You may not ever be truly over it, but over even more time the nightmares may lessen, and you may become better. That is more of a passive option. The third option before you is to take herbs that promote dreamless sleep, every night, for the rest of your life. This, I wouldn’t recommend – there is no guarantee, and your fear will never leave you, but perhaps you will be able to sleep through the night without nightmares more frequently. Such herbs, though, can be addicting after a while, and harm more than they help.
Of those options, which appeals the most to you?
tagged// + ebonite + notes// Introduced three options here, each with the capacity for trauma and drama haha. Hope these made sense!
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Post by + ebonite + on Oct 12, 2023 20:13:23 GMT -7
void As he stood there, trembling, he was struck with a deep sense of shame and helplessness. What if he was like this forever? What if he could never sleep again? He closed his eyes and bit down hard on his lip to try to stop himself from spiraling. One of his wolves made a concerned sound - Serkonos, he thought. He opened his eyes again and looked at the wolf, with his head tilted to the side. Void managed the smallest of smiles to reassure him. The wolf did not seem entirely convinced, but that was the best that Void could do right now. Duramus had stopped when Void stopped. Void briefly wondered how Duramus could deal with all of this all of the time. This was his job right? To listen to everyone all of the time? How did he keep everyone straight? How did he know what advice to give and what not to give? What would help and what would make it worse? But Void had to admit that he was feeling the slightest bit better in even speaking his fears outloud to another person. His family was aware, of course - he couldn't hide his night terrors when they all slept so closely together - but they had no idea how to help him. His mother had shrugged when he told her about it. At least Casi had had this suggestion. It was better than a shrug. 'Thank you for sharing, Void,' Duramus said. Void nodded, not knowing what else to do. 'I think that if you want to rid yourself of your nightmares, there are three options before you, but only two of those options are ones I would recommend.' Three options? Void quirked a brow. He wasn't sure he'd get even one option. Having three sounded great. Surely one of them would work and if not, he'd try the other two. 'The first option is that you work through the trauma in real life – learn to swim, maybe. Once you master your fears in the real world, you won’t be as scared of them when you are asleep. That would require gradual exposure to water – shallow water, to start, just walking through it, or even through puddles in a marsh. A bit more risky, but a solid way to overcome your fear, if it is possible.' Immediately, Void's mind rejected this option out of hand, a wave of nausea rolling through him at even the thought of trying to swim. But... It made sense, didn't it? The more he did it, the less afraid he would be. Because not every experience with water meant he was going to drown. However, even though he could see the logic of it, the emotional response was so powerful Void was not sure he could overcome it enough to even try swimming. How did he overcome that? Did he have to have someone else throw him in the lake? 'The second option is the longest one – give it time. You may not ever be truly over it, but over even more time the nightmares may lessen, and you may become better. That is more of a passive option.' Void knew immediately he could not do this one. Just waiting was something he was already doing and it was taking too long. He was too impatient. He needed to do something more other than wait around for something to happen. It had been months and months and still the dreams had persisted. He would become really haggard if he just kept waiting around. What would he look like or be like a year from now, still suffering from nightmares? 'The third option before you is to take herbs that promote dreamless sleep, every night, for the rest of your life. This, I wouldn’t recommend – there is no guarantee, and your fear will never leave you, but perhaps you will be able to sleep through the night without nightmares more frequently. Such herbs, though, can be addicting after a while, and harm more than they help.' His mind latched onto this option almost immediately. He would be doing something - taking herbs - and he wouldn't have to force himself to swim. It sounded perfect on the surface, but given Duramus didn't recommend it and the herbs could become addicting... Well. If the herbs disappeared, what would he do then? 'Of those options, which appeals the most to you?' The Vigilum queried. Void took a few moments to think. The first option sounded like the best one for him long term, but short term, he had no idea how he was going to get himself to do it. Would Duramus be able to guide him through it? Did the Vigilum do stuff like that too? Or did he just do the talking part? The third one sounded the best short term. Would he be able to combine them? Take the herbs at first so at least he could sleep while also exposing himself to water gradually? If he could at least get some sleep, he might feel more energized and motivated to do it. Even now, his brain felt sluggish. "Well, I can't just wait around. That's what I've been doing and it's not working," he said, voicing his thought process outloud. "The first option sounds good, but I can't even think about getting into water without getting nauseous. How do I get myself to do it? Is there something else I need to do? Does someone need to push me in?" he asked, sincerely. "Or maybe I could do ao combination of the first one and the third one? It would be nice if I could sleep, even if it's temporary. That way I could have more energy to work on exposing myself to water and getting used to it." His idea sounded like a sound one, but he wasn't the expert here. So, he waited for the expert to respond to his idea. tag Sunfrosttimeline a few weeks after he speaks to casi notes void: -thinking face-
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Post by Sunfrost on Nov 1, 2023 16:37:08 GMT -7
Dur noted with some degree of amusement that Void seemed surprised when he mentioned there were three options before him. Did he expect that Duramus would not know how to help him? It showed that in the past, Void truly hadn’t had any success finding help for his issues. That thought made the bay draft mix fight to keep a satisfied smile off his face. He didn’t want Void to get the wrong idea and think he was satisfied with his drama or anything like that. Moments like this, where a horse realized they could be helped and were not a lost cause…Dur lived for that, as a validation of every reason that he had chosen to become Vigilum in the first place.
Dur watched Void’s reactions as he laid out the options, curious as to which one he would opt for. The horse took a moment to think them through, as well he should. The Vigilum knew some horses would have jumped immediately towards the herbs, as the easiest solution even though it solved nothing. Few would elect for the first option, unless they wished to inflict upon themselves untold suffering. Given what he’d seen of the other horse so far, Dur expected Void to elect for a combination of the options – maybe the herbs combined with gradual exposure to water. Void didn’t seem the type to sit passively by and wait to get better. Him coming all the way here, to Mount Vigilum, firmly suggested otherwise. But it was an option, and Dur was honor bound to suggest it. Dur smiled as Void confirmed his thoughts, voicing that waiting around was not an option. He then went on to think out loud, neighing that the first option also sounded good but water made him feel nauseous and he wasn’t sure what the process would look like. He then suggested a combination of the first and third options, a sound suggestion indeed.
That makes a lot of sense, and I think it would be the most effective Dur confirmed, once it seemed Void was finished expressing his thoughts. For the first option, you would not be alone at any time when getting used to the water, and we would start small. I suggest that you work with me directly on that, but that you also bring a close friend or family member along to encourage you. Sometimes that can help you feel more comfortable than if it’s just you and me – after all, we only just met. Dur wouldn’t have suggested that unless it seemed like Void didn’t have any close family or friends, but they were the ones who had asked him to come here, so they obviously cared. We can start tomorrow if you’d like – I know a good area to go, where the water is not too deep. Do you think you’ll be able to find someone to come with you then, if you want to bring someone? Dur would grab the herbs and one of the makeshift packs they used to carry them once Void gave his answer. He could only take the sweet smell of the herbs he had in mind for a limited amount of time. Even after years as a Vigilum, some herbs still made him feel sick to smell.
tagged// + ebonite + <3
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Post by + ebonite + on Nov 30, 2023 15:38:10 GMT -7
void Even as he waited for Duramus' judgment of his choice, his mind turned, trying to figure out how he would start doing this. He'd have to start with the herbs first. Where would he get those? Would he have to come here all of the time to get them? How often would he have to do that? He didn't mind the travel, but he still needed to know. How often did he have to take the herbs? Every day? Every week? How much? His mind ticked through all of these questions, all lining up to ask Duramus as soon as the Vigilum stallion determined that his plan was valid. How long would he have to wait and be on the herbs before he could start exposing himself to water? And how man- 'That makes a lot of sense, and I think it would be the most effective,' Duramus said and Void felt a flash of pride, a smile crossing his face. 'For the first option, you would not be alone at any time when getting used to the water, and we would start small. I suggest that you work with me directly on that, but that you also bring a close friend or family member along to encourage you. Sometimes that can help you feel more comfortable than if it’s just you and me – after all, we only just met.' The stallione explained. Well, he supposed that made sense. It would be nice to have someone with him, especially one of his family members too. But who would he bring? He immediately wanted to bring Wolf. His twin sister was the one he was the closest to, the one he trusted with anything. However, his sister had been getting up to some not-so-great things lately and he wasn't sure if she'd be welcomed or trusted here... or if she would even have the time to come. Besides, maybe it would be a good thing to bring his mom along. He knew that she'd gone through a lot of bad things too before he'd been born and maybe Duramus could help her too. It was just a matter of getting her to come here and she was never going to do it herself. But if it was to help him... 'We can start tomorrow if you’d like – I know a good area to go, where the water is not too deep. Do you think you’ll be able to find someone to come with you then, if you want to bring someone?' Duramus asked him. He blinked. Tomorrow? Really? That seemed so soon! What about letting the herbs work their magic first? He wanted to sleep so badly it made him want to cry. Would they work immediately if he took them tonight? "Don't the herbs need time to work? Will they work the very first time I take them?" he blurted out instead. "I just... I really want to sleep. Tomorrow seems so soon, but if I have to, I'll do it tomorrow. I'll bring my mom with me," he continued on, thinking outloud again, as he tended to do during this meeting. "She... she needs help too. She won't come here herself but if she's helping me, maybe it would open her eyes to getting help," his voice was quieter, as if she were listening to this exchange right now. She would not be pleased with him if she found out he was "tricking" her like this, but he just wanted to help her. His dad too. Maybe he could eventually get all of his family to come here and get help. Even with just one session with Duramus, he felt so much better. tag Sunfrosttimeline a few weeks after he speaks to casi notes void going to drag his entire family to group therapy lmfao
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Post by Sunfrost on Feb 25, 2024 19:25:37 GMT -7
Dur noticed the smile that crossed Void’s face when he declared Void’s plan to be the most effective one. That pleased the Vigilum – it seemed as though the fact Duramus agreed with him had given the stallion some additional confidence. As Dur explained how the treatment would work, he carefully watched Void’s body language for any other discomfort or other indications of how he was feeling. Void seemed to be listening intently, cataloguing what Dur was saying. When the bay draft mix mentioned that treatment could begin tomorrow, Void blinked, as though surprised treatment could start so soon. Dur wondered if Void imagined the Vigilum social calendar was fully booked. Dur always resolved to keep a few hours of the day open if he could, for his sanity if nothing else, but it also afforded some flexibility to schedule “appointments” with new patients and be available to greet any newcomers to the Mount.
Don’t the herbs need time to work? Will they work the very first time I take them? Dur thought carefully of the herbs he would recommend. Chamomile could work for soothing the mind and providing strength through the treatment. Dandelion could help sick horses sleep, and Dur thought perhaps some of that with chamomile could make the herbal concoction both calming and sleep inducing. Those and potentially poppy seeds to also induce sleep…Dur pondered further the combinations and the immediacy of the effects. While he was thinking, Dur nodded in understanding as Void said he really wanted to sleep, but tomorrow seemed so soon to start treatment. He also said he would bring his mother with him, mentioning on the side that she likely needed help too. Void didn’t specify what kind, but Dur wondered if it was similar to Void’s problems and if he could help her as well during the sessions. I’d love to meet her and help as well he neighed, knowing he should reply soon to something. And we can do the day after tomorrow as well – I want to know how well the herbs work after two nights with them.
Duramus turned, mind made up on the herbs he wanted to use. I’ll be right back – just getting the herbs he explained, sending a smile Void’s way as he ascended the Mount, cutting into the closest herbal crevice. The Vigilum stored herbs in various places around the Mount, the better for quick acquisition. It didn’t take long at all for Dur to emerge with a cluster of poppy seeds encased on a folded leaf and a few stalks of chamomile in his mouth. He deposited them carefully at Void’s hooves and launched into explanation. These are poppy seeds and chamomile. They will help you sleep calmly. The effects are immediate. In time, I hope we’ll be able to give you just chamomile, but for now the poppy seeds will help you. Before you sleep, eat two poppy seeds and two chamomile flowers – not the stalks, just the flowers. You can crush them with your hooves beforehand if you’d like. They should taste all right, but let me know if you find them unpalatable. I can mix them with something to make them sweeter. Take them just once a day, before bed, and only in that amount. This is very important he cautioned, his tone serious and gray eyes staring intently into Void’s own.
You’ll have to meet with me to get these herbs for now. It’s winter, so we’ll have to rely on our storage from last spring. Come springtime, I can teach you how to find them so you can take them yourself, if you’d like he offered. Some horses preferred a bit more independence, after all. Do you have any questions? This was likely a lot of information to take in.
tagged// + ebonite + notes// Family therapy!! <3
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Post by + ebonite + on Apr 13, 2024 17:42:06 GMT -7
Void's mind was ticking, trying to think of what he would say to his mom to get her to come with him. He knew she would think it was stupid, that he was wasting his time, but if he insisted hard enough, she would cave and come with him. He was sure of it. He was not aware of some of the ways that his family was strange, but he was aware that his mom was not the most affectionate and it was because of some things that had happened to her before he was born. He just wanted to her to get better, to not have nightmares. His dad too. Maybe if he convinced his mom that therapy was worth it, she could help convince Link. A kind of domino effect. It was painful, how much he wanted this to work. He had to be careful and make sure he didn't mess it up. If he said one wrong thing, his mom would never come back and never trust him again. The weight of it settled on his shoulders, uncomfortable, but not impossible. I can do this, he thought to himself, but what do I say to her? He would be thinking about it for hours. 'I’d love to meet her and help as well,' Dur said. 'And we can do the day after tomorrow as well – I want to know how well the herbs work after two nights with them,' he said and Void nodded enthusiastically. Yes, that sounded good and it would give him more time to work on convincing his mom. 'I’ll be right back – just getting the herbs,' Dur said and walked a little ways off, dipping his head into some kind of crevice. The wolves at Void's sides eyed Dur with some suspicion, but they remained where they were and didn't growl. The bay stallion was back momentarily with a leaf wrap in his mouth. He set this at Void's feet. Void eyed the package, filled with some kind of seeds and flowers. 'These are poppy seeds and chamomile. They will help you sleep calmly. The effects are immediate,' that revelation alone made Void sigh in visible relief. 'In time, I hope we’ll be able to give you just chamomile, but for now the poppy seeds will help you. Before you sleep, eat two poppy seeds and two chamomile flowers – not the stalks, just the flowers. You can crush them with your hooves beforehand if you’d like. They should taste all right, but let me know if you find them unpalatable. I can mix them with something to make them sweeter. Take them just once a day, before bed, and only in that amount. This is very important.' Void listened intently to Dur's instructions, determined to do this properly. He had two days to evaluate how well this would work for him so he could report back to Duramus. Two day to convince his mom to come with him to help him through this and hopefully help her as well. I can do this, he told himself again. If he said it to himself enough, he would believe it. 'You’ll have to meet with me to get these herbs for now. It’s winter, so we’ll have to rely on our storage from last spring. Come springtime, I can teach you how to find them so you can take them yourself, if you’d like,' Dur explained and Void nodded. "I'd love to know how to find them, yeah," he said. That way he wouldn't have to rely on Dur for it if the stallion was busy with other things. 'Do you have any questions?' the Vigilum stallion asked. Void tilted his head to the side as he debated, running through the process in his head. No, not really. It all sounded straightforward. He had the herbs, he had the dosage, he knew when to come back... The rest of it was up to him now. "Thank you, Duramus," he said, his voice genuine, giving the stallion a respectful nod, "I will see you again in two days!" With that said, he picked up the herb bundle gently in his mouth and walked back toward Shadow Canyon. His wolves eyed Dur for another second or so before following after him, back to their home. profiletag Sunfrost timeline a few weeks after he speaks to casi notes we can probably end it here and i can start a new one? <3 "Speech"
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