Living slow and loving fast.
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She/Her
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11,668 posts
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points
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Administrator
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Post by aliyaah on Jan 12, 2018 16:28:40 GMT -7
decide your fate. Apophis vs Cathair
Climate: It is winter, but it's a warmer day. The warring parties arrive early in the morning, just as the sun is rising. There is snow on the ground, several inches thick, and slushy - mixing with the mud it has happened beneath it. The sky above is cloud covered, perhaps it will snow later on, but if it does it will be light snow - pretty, despite the destruction that will be happening on the land below.
Battle Terms: - 3 hits - 1 dodge - 3 days to reply, NO EXTENSIONS - 3 posts each (an intro from one player, two battle posts each, and then one final post from the second player) - 1000 word maximum
Other Info: - Those siding with the Helkaer will have the Helkaer "fire brand" painted in mud/earth upon them so you can recognize who they side with. - All other regular battle rules still apply so be sure to address the battle thread for rules. - Please see the main thread for any other info: Click. This includes info on how the groups approached the battle and what not, so be sure you read it over.
Upon random draw, @dingdong will be posting first, followed by @chaosy. Good luck!
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Post by Deleted on Jan 13, 2018 23:17:06 GMT -7
Cathair didn’t think that anyone could have been prepared for what was to come; soon there would be bloodshed. He knew that it was inevitable; war was never peaceful. He hated it so much though; he was never a huge fan of violence. There was no turning back from this; it was the only conclusion that the progression of the war could go to. He didn’t think it was fair of him to ask for this from all of his subjects. There was no other choice though; a war needed an army. He still couldn’t help but feel guilty over it though. He had taken a trip to the battlefield once before at the beginning of the war. He had lost that battle; he couldn’t afford to lose this battle though. The Neutral Kingdom had to win; he didn’t want to consider what would happen if they lost. It wasn’t a good outcome; there was no telling what would happen. Things were already pretty bad in his opinion; he certainly didn’t want things to get worse. Cathair didn’t have high hopes though; he fought to remain optimistic but his time in Lachlan Breck was starting to tear away at his soul. He had to believe that a miracle could happen.
They stood in a row like a line of ducks following its mother only they were walking sideways. He caught glimpses of the Helkaer; and it was hard to miss the marks that painted others on the other side as allied with the Helkaer. He could feel the anxiety creeping its way inside of him; he would have turned away and ran if it were possible. He would not abandon the Neutral Kingdom in its time of need. He forced himself to move on forward; even if he wouldn’t leave this battlefield alive. It was not ridiculous for him to feel nervous about things; he had almost died the last time he participated in a battle. He would have died if it wasn’t for the help of Spike; the Lord of Utopia. He supposed there was only one way to face his fears and that was to go to battle. His feelings on the issue did not matter at this point in time; he had to focus on the task at hand. He had to ignore all that made him who he was and cause another pain. He supposed that the Helkaer found it fun; they were complete opposites in beliefs.
He stared straight ahead at the opponent in front of him; a mammoth sized stallion. Cathair didn’t see how things could go his way. He was a toy-sized horse compared to this mammoth; but he somehow had to win this battle. He would not think about the height difference; that was the only way he would stand a chance against this mammoth of a stallion. If he faltered just one time he was a goner. He wasn’t going to let that happen; so he lifted his head up to get a good look at his opponent. “This is it,” he said in a flat tone. He would not be intimidated.
Battle Terms: - 3 hits - 1 dodge - 3 days to reply, NO EXTENSIONS - 3 posts each (an intro from one player, two battle posts each, and then one final post from the second player) - 1000 word maximum
Injuries
1.
2.
3.
Attacks
1.
2.
3.
Dodges
1.
pic Written For: @chaosy Amount Written: 500+ Noteworthy: Good luck
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Post by Deleted on Jan 15, 2018 12:59:59 GMT -7
Name- Apophis Breed- American Quarter Horse x Shire x Clydesdale Age- 5 Years Gender- Stallion Height- 18.3 hh Alliance- Dark Health- 100/100
“This is it,” Apophis laughed low in his throat as he approached the much more diminutive stallion. With more than a foot difference in their heights, Apophis felt like a giant among horses. The little King before him looked like a child, not a ruler that could make a difference in his world. Apophis shook his apricot mane and gazed down at the other being with vastly amused charcoal eyes. "How right you are, little King... Funny that fate would have us facing one another. I promise I will do my best to compel pride from my mentor... and deliver your precious kingdom from your tiny hooves." The perlino dun was ready to prove himself on many levels. Respira had been training him for a bit now, but he had never expected to be facing off against one of the Neutral Rulers. That was just icing on his cake.
Striding forward, Apophis circled the tiny figure and wondered whether he would completely crush the king or if the little being incorporated some steel in those flimsy bones. Once he had reached the paint's left side, he reared up enough to easily allow his knees to push against his barrel. Apophis pushed toward him, trying to shove the smaller horse to the snow covered, muddy ground. His charcoal eyes became almost murderous as he fought the desire to completely crush the paint. Words from his sire echoed through his head and Apophis had to shove them back.
The rangy, cream hued stallion backed off and reared to his full height, flailing his hooves out at the other male. He was aiming his dark feet toward Cathair's face and shoulder on his left side. The desire to see blood from the other stallion was spurring him forward, and he let his razor sharp hooves try to connect anywhere on his left. This battle was his proving ground, and he would do his best to be the Helkaer that he was training to become. Apophis would make Respira proud.
Words: 300+ Tag: @dingdong Notes: --- Hits: 2/3 used Dodges: 0/1 used Posts: 1/3 Hits: 1. Attempted to shove Cathair into ground from left side with his knees. 2. Reared up and flailed hooves at Cathair's left side. 3.
Injuries: 1. 2. 3.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 18, 2018 4:24:51 GMT -7
Name- Cathair Breed- Thoroughbred x Arabian x American Paint Horse x Welsh Sec. A Age- 4 Years Gender- Stallion Height- 14.1 hh Alliance- Neutral Health- 100/100
Though it seemed that he stood no chance in this battle; Cathair knew that there had to be a loophole somewhere. He stood no chance at winning if he used his weight; the stallion in front of him was mammoth in size. He realistically stood no chance at causing any damage that way. One might have been running away; there was no room for running away though. Cathair came to the conclusion that the only way of winning this fight was if he managed to incapacitate one of the giant stallion’s legs. It was the only real benefit that his small height gave him; and he was going to use it to his advantage. "How right you are, little King... Funny that fate would have us facing one another. I promise I will do my best to compel pride from my mentor... and deliver your precious kingdom from your tiny hooves." He gave the perlino dun a bored look; already concentrating on the task at hand. “We’ll see,” was all he said in response. There was nothing else to say; it would only fill the air with nonsense. The fate of this war was finally coming to a close; whatever the outcome might be.
He kept a close eye on the perlino; waiting for him to make his move. There was no preparing for an attack though; watching as his opponent circled him. He saw the perlino rear up on his hind quarters and push towards him on his left side; in an effort to shove him to the ground. He was barely able to react in time; rushing a few steps forward. He cringed slightly when the taller stallion made contact with his left hind leg. White hot pain instantly shot through his body; but Cathair barely had any time to register that before his opponent’s feet made contact with his face. A loud cracking sound could be heard; the tell-tale sign of a broken jaw. Cathair wanted to collapse with the severity of the pain; but the reminder of his kingdom kept him going. The adrenaline racing through his body was the only thing that kept him going. He turned to face his opponent; and his eyes locked on to the perlino’s legs. He charged forward; his eyes remained focused on the legs; stopping a few feet away and rearing up on his back legs. The pain was intense; but he continued on. He struck out with his front feet; hoping that he’d make contact with the perlino’s front right leg. Before he lost his resolve to continue he rose once again on his hind legs and aimed for the same leg again. He didn’t know if he made contact; but his hope was to severely injure the leg.
Battle Terms: - 3 hits - 1 dodge - 3 days to reply, NO EXTENSIONS - 3 posts each (an intro from one player, two battle posts each, and then one final post from the second player) - 1000 word maximum
Injuries
1. Hind leg likely a hairline fracture or deep muscle damage
2. Broken Jaw
3.
Attacks
1. He struck out with his hind legs at Apophis’ front right leg
2. Attempted to strike out at the same leg again
3.
Dodges
1. Apophis charged him on his left side hoping to throw him onto the ground; Cathair moved forward so that Apophis hit his hind quarters instead.
pic Written For: @chaosy Amount Written: 400+ Noteworthy: Good luck
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Post by Deleted on Jan 19, 2018 11:32:02 GMT -7
Name- Apophis Breed- American Quarter Horse x Shire x Clydesdale Age- 5 Years Gender- Stallion Height- 18.3 hh Alliance- Dark Health- 90/100
“We’ll see,” Apophis smirked at the diminutive king's lack of words. Either he was unconfident with his skills, or he was overly confident and that could be just as devastating to one that was not as ready as he felt. The snake like Helkaer apprentice's eyes darkened until they were nearly black and he whipped his tail behind him like a cobra preparing to strike. "Yes. Yes, we shall." He dropped his head and gazed at the stallion before him.
His first moves had proved very successful. Cathair had moved forward, sending his knees onto his left hind. The muscles beneath his legs had spasmed in pain, and he could not help the grin that slithered across his face. His flailing hooves had encountered the smaller stallion's face, and an audible crack had sounded. Yes, he was doing his best to prove he was right for the Helkaer. Perhaps Respira would be very proud.
Before Apophis could move away, the tiny figure stuck out at his left foreleg. His hooves were like knives, slicing into the muscle and skin and tearing to the bone above his knee. Distinguishing that the stallion was aiming for another hit to the same place, Apophis reared and angled his leg out of range. Leaping to the right, Apophis endured the pain of the injury that radiated up his shoulder. It seemed like more pain than he should have from that attack unless there was damage to the bone beneath his muscle. He would definitely be sore in the morning, if his leg even wanted to work. A snarl escaped his lips as he spun on his heels and faced away from the painted ruler.
Swiveling his head, he checked where the neutral king was placed. Apophis then ducked his head and kicked out toward Cathair's right shoulder and ribs. His hooves seemed enormous in comparison to the smaller figure and he was amused by that fact. A stray thought flashed through his mind and he had a momentary image of himself facing a foal rather than a full-grown stallion. Apophis definitely preferred to be around horses of his own size and not feel so awkwardly huge. As his hooves met the muck once again, Apophis leapt forward and out of range for long enough to turn and oppose the stallion once more. Elevating his head, he reared in a move that was purely intimidation rather than offensive. Apophis was much larger, and he wanted Cathair to recognize him for the damage and fact that he looked like a giant to the neutral king.
Words: 400+ Tag: @dingdong Notes: --- Hits: 3/3 used Dodges: 1/1 used 1. Reared up and moved his leg out of the way of the second attack on his left fore. Posts: 2/3 Hits: 1. Attempted to shove Cathair into ground from left side with his knees. 2. Reared up and flailed hooves at Cathair's left side. 3. Kicked at Cathair's right shoulder and ribcage
Injuries: 1. Bruising, lacerations, and hairline fracture across left leg, above knee. 2. 3.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 22, 2018 0:20:16 GMT -7
Name- Cathair Breed- Thoroughbred x Arabian x American Paint Horse x Welsh Sec. A Age- 4 Years Gender- Stallion Height- 14.1 hh Alliance- Neutral Health- 30/100
He was about to clench his teeth in frustration; but the searing pain in his jaw prevented him from doing so. The pain was nearly blinding him; his eyes were struggling to keep focus on the perlino stud. The pain in his hind leg was minor compared to the pain in his jaw. He couldn’t move his mouth at all; he couldn’t cause his opponent any damage with his teeth. He didn’t let that discourage him though; there was still plenty of ways to get his message across. He forced himself to keep alert; while he waited for the perlino to make his move. It didn’t take long for the perlino to strike out at him again. Cathair wanted to move out of the way; but it happened much too fast before he could even react. The perlino’s hooves managed to make contact with his shoulder and some of his ribs. There was a small cracking sound; not as distinct as the cracking sound that his jaw made. His shoulder had taken on most of the damage; it spasmed in pain and almost caused him to fall. He still had a move to make against the perlino; he couldn’t afford to rest yet.
He didn’t know if he would survive the injuries that he was given; whether he would die instantly or from starvation with the inability to eat. He would have to make this last move of his count. He wouldn’t let this perlino leave without at least a bad memory. The Neutral Kingdom did not go down without a fight. He watched warily as the perlino moved out of harm’s way. The perlino reared up into the air; probably to emphasize how much bigger he was. Cathair wasn’t paying that any attention; but the vulnerable hind legs that the perlino had exposed to him. His plan of action would hurt; but it could be the best move he made. He gathered all the strength that he had left inside and charged towards the perlino. His hopes were that the sudden move of his was unexpected; hoping that he would make contact with the perlino’s hind legs. He gathered all the momentum he could; ignoring the crippling pain that screamed in protest against the movement of his body. He didn’t stop; but soon darkness had taken over him. Unknown whether it was from making contact with the perlino’s hind legs or any part of his body really or the pain had proven too much.
Battle Terms: - 3 hits - 1 dodge - 3 days to reply, NO EXTENSIONS - 3 posts each (an intro from one player, two battle posts each, and then one final post from the second player) - 1000 word maximum
Injuries
1. Hind leg likely a hairline fracture or deep muscle damage
2. Broken Jaw
3. Muscle tear in shoulder and three hairline fractures in ribs
Attacks
1. He struck out with his hind legs at Apophis’ front right leg
2. Attempted to strike out at the same leg again
3. Charged forward when Apophis reared and didn’t stop hoping to make contact with Apophis’ hind legs. He blacked out afterwards; up to Chaosy where he hit or not.
Dodges
1. Apophis charged him on his left side hoping to throw him onto the ground; Cathair moved forward so that Apophis hit his hind quarters instead.
pic Written For: @chaosy Amount Written: 400+ Noteworthy: Good luck
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2018 18:09:24 GMT -7
Name- Apophis Breed- American Quarter Horse x Shire x Clydesdale Age- 5 Years Gender- Stallion Height- 18.3 hh Alliance- Dark Health- 80/100 Apophis could not hide the smile as he gazed at the small stallion that was struggling through pain. This was developing exactly how he wanted it seemed. His rear legs had connected with an almost overeager zeal, and he heard another series of small cracks from the stallion's shoulder. A surge of satisfaction filled his frame, and he felt overly confident when he rose on his stocky rear legs. That was not the most marvelous idea. He opened himself up to a move from the nearly beaten chestnut and white form. Cathair moved faster than Apophis could have imagined. He had begun to come down to the earth once again when the other stallion connected with his right rear. His enormous, heavy front hooves connected with the slushy soil while his right rear was sent out from under his body. Unable to keep himself upright, Apophis fell onto his left side and took a moment to attempt to fortify his bearings. His leg was radiating enormous amounts of pain from the connection. The Neutral King had moved like a wrecking ball and had connected with the leg with more force than anticipated. Elevating his head, Apophis searched for the dual toned stallion. He was a little way off, laying in the muck. Hauling himself to his hooves, Apophis gingerly put weight on the right rear. The pain flared up and made him grit his teeth. Limping closer to the fallen shape, the snake-like Helkaer Apprentice gazed down at the form on the ground. Charcoal eyes narrowed and he shook his head. Turning, the massive perlino stallion limped away from the churned up and blood spattered field. "At least you tried, little king..." Apophis called as he paused and looked back. Swiveling his head, the apprentice took in the chaos around him and snorted. Things would be over soon enough... Who would come out on top, that was anyone's guess at this point. Apophis was proud of his efforts. Cathair would be hurting seriously for the next bit of time while he healed form this event. Pride completed his battered form as he lifted his cream hued muzzle and limped off of the field to wait for the results of the war. Words: 370+ Tag: @dingdong Notes: --- Hits: 3/3 used Dodges: 1/1 used 1. Reared up and moved his leg out of the way of the second attack on his left fore. Posts: 3/3 Hits:1. Attempted to shove Cathair into ground from left side with his knees. 2. Reared up and flailed hooves at Cathair's left side. 3. Kicked at Cathair's right shoulder and rib-cage Injuries:1. Bruising, lacerations, and hairline fracture across left leg, above knee. 2. Severe sprain of right hock with torn ligaments. Will take a while to heal fully and will be extremely painful until healed. Edited post to fix coding mishap
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she/they
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907 posts
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points
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Adult
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Post by Oxyrrhodine on Jan 26, 2018 0:37:31 GMT -7
I will tally. Waiting on judge collection: No Judge 1 Collection: Done Judge 2 Collection: Done Tally-ing Scores: Yes
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she/they
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907 posts
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points
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Adult
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Post by Oxyrrhodine on Jan 27, 2018 14:12:01 GMT -7
Roleplayer & Character: @dingdong with Cathair Quality over Quantity: 5.5 Comments: - Semicolons were very distracting to the posts and made them hard to follow - The first post needed more description of the environment. I was not sure whether Cathair was running or standing still - Posts in general needed more description of the environment and relations to the other horse - At times I found the posts to be quite hard to use, with the repetition of words. Almost every sentence starts off with "He", and many sentences have the word "though" in it as well. There is one point where he said "he stood no chance" in three sentences, one after another. I had to reread several times to make sure I was reading the next sentence. No God Modeling or Power Playing: 10 Comments: - None Realism of Attack: 8 Comments: - First two attacks were realistic - Third attack does not feel realistic. Diving headfirst underneath a rearing horse would be very dangerous - No mention of the snow-covered environment or impact it had on the attacks he made - Attacks felt realistic, especially given their height difference Attack Compared to Opponent: 8.5 Comments: - First two attacks were the exact same. I would have liked to see more variety - I feel both attacks were even, but both could use some work as they felt generic. - Some strategy in the posts, but would have liked to see more Completion of the Form: 8.5 Comments: - Health did not go down in the second post - Forgot to fill out the form on the first post. Spelling and Grammar: 3 Comments: - There was a general overuse of semicolons that made it very hard to read and gave it confusing sentence structures as a result - Many errors - "He hated it so much though; he was never a huge fan of violence."- Should be "He hated it so much, though he was never..." OR “He hated it so much; he was never a huge fan of violence.” - "There was no other choice though; a war needed an army."- Should be "There was no other choice, though a war needed an army." OR "There was no other choice; a war needed an army." - "he fought to remain optimistic but his time in Lachlan Breck was starting to tear away at his soul." - needs a comma between "optimistic" and "but" - "They stood in a row like a line of ducks following its mother only they were walking sideways" "its" should be "their" (attached to ducks which is plural) - "He caught glimpses of the Helkaer; and it was hard to miss the marks that painted others on the other side as allied with the Helkaer." no need for "and", especially with the semicolon - "He would have died if it wasn’t for the help of Spike; the Lord of Utopia." semicolon should be comma - " He had to ignore all that made him who he was and cause another pain."- Had to read this three times and still don't understand this sentence? - "He stared straight ahead at the opponent in front of him; a mammoth sized stallion." - should be a colon - "He was a toy-sized horse compared to this mammoth; but he somehow had to win this battle."- Again, improper use of a semicolon, cannot use semicolons when there are coordinating conjuctions (but, and, or). Should be a comma instead, or take out but. - "If he faltered just one time he was a goner. "- Should be a comma after time, "just one time, he was a goner." - "Though it seemed that he stood no chance in this battle; Cathair knew that there had to be a loophole somewhere." semicolon should be comma - "It was the only real benefit that his small height gave him; and he was going to use it to his advantage." semicolon should be comma - "He gave the perlino dun a bored look; already concentrating on the task at hand." - the second part needs a subject like "he was" - "He kept a close eye on the perlino; waiting for him to make his move." - semicolon should be comma - "There was no preparing for an attack though; watching as his opponent circled him." - semicolon should be comma - " He saw the perlino rear up on his hind quarters and push towards him on his left side; in an effort to shove him to the ground." - no need for semicolon - "He was barely able to react in time; rushing a few steps forward." - second part needs a subject again and no semicolon "he was barely able to react in time and rushed a few steps forward" - "White hot pain instantly shot through his body; "- White hot should actually be hyphenated, white-hot - "White hot pain instantly shot through his body; but Cathair barely had any time to register that before his opponent’s feet made contact with his face." - semicolon should be comma - "Cathair wanted to collapse with the severity of the pain; but the reminder of his kingdom kept him going." semicolon should be comma - "He turned to face his opponent; and his eyes locked on to the perlino’s legs." - no semicolon needed - "He charged forward; his eyes remained focused on the legs; stopping a few feet away and rearing up on his back legs." - cannot use two semicolons in one sentence. They are also used incorrectly. This sentence is very choppy and hard to follow. Could be rewritten as "He charged forward, his eyes remaining focused on the legs. He stopped a few feet away and reared up on his back legs" - "The pain was intense; but he continued on."- Again, improper use of a semicolon. Should be a comma. - "He struck out with his front feet; hoping that he’d make contact with the perlino’s front right leg." semicolon should be comma - "Before he lost his resolve to continue he rose once again on his hind legs and aimed for the same leg again." needs comma between "continue" and "he"
- "He didn’t know if he made contact; but his hope was to severely injure the leg." semicolon should be comma - "He was about to clench his teeth in frustration; but the searing pain in his jaw prevented him from doing so."- Again, improper use of a semicolon. Should be a comma. - "He didn’t let that discourage him though; there was still plenty of ways to get his message across."- Again, improper use of a semicolon. Should be a comma. - "He forced himself to keep alert; while he waited for the perlino to make his move." - no need for semicolon - "Cathair wanted to move out of the way; but it happened much too fast before he could even react." - semicolon should be comma - "There was a small cracking sound; not as distinct as the cracking sound that his jaw made." - semicolon not needed and there should be a transition word like "though" - "Cathair wasn’t paying that any attention; but the vulnerable hind legs that the perlino had exposed to him." - semicolon not needed. Sentence does not make sense. - "His plan of action would hurt; but it could be the best move he made."- Again, improper use of a semicolon. Should be a comma. - "He gathered all the momentum he could; ignoring the crippling pain that screamed in protest against the movement of his body." - semicolon should be comma - "He didn’t stop; but soon darkness had taken over him." - semicolon should be comma. Sentence is also confusing. - "Unknown whether it was from making contact with the perlino’s hind legs or any part of his body really or the pain had proven too much." - run-on sentence.
Total: 43.5
Roleplayer & Character: @chaosy with Apophis Quality over Quantity: 7.5 Comments: - Beginning of the first post had no intro at all which made it feel disjointed - Would have liked to see more environmental descriptions and relations to opponent - No explanation of entrance to the battlefield, just immediately in front of Cathair. Not much explanation as well about weather/scenery affecting them. No God Modeling or Power Playing: 9 Comments: - "Once he had reached the paint's left side, he reared up enough to easily allow his knees to push against his barrel. Apophis pushed toward him,"- Picking what side instead of saying aiming to go to the left side, pushing against his barrel, pushing towards him, all should be aiming to or attempting. - "and kicked out toward Cathair's right shoulder and ribs."- Again, should be aiming towards. - None Realism of Attack: 9 Comments: - Attacks felt realistic, especially given their height difference - There was no mention of the environment having an impact on his attacks - I feel like it was realistic, but more of the scenery/weather could have been used. It got better in the third post, but the first two was barely used. Attack Compared to Opponent: 9.5 Comments: - Would have liked to see more strategy with the attacks - Attacks felt stronger than opponent's - I feel both attacks were even, but both could use some work as they felt generic. Completion of the Form: 10 Comments: - Completed Spelling and Grammar: 9 Comments: - A handful of errors, nothing serious - "Apophis pushed toward him, trying to shove the smaller horse to the snow covered, muddy ground." snow covered should have a hyphen - "Either he was unconfident with his skills, or he was overly confident and that could be just as devastating to one that was not as ready as he felt." run-on sentence and slightly confusing - "The snake like Helkaer apprentice's eyes darkened until they were nearly black and he whipped his tail behind him like a cobra preparing to strike." snake like needs hyphen - "It seemed like more pain than he should have from that attack unless there was damage to the bone beneath his muscle." needs a comma between "attack" and "unless" - "Pride completed his battered form as he lifted his cream hued muzzle and limped off of the field to wait for the results of the war." - "completed" is an odd verb to use for this - I'm not sure what it's trying to say
Total: 54
The winner is @chaosy with Apophis!
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