Post by The Quiet One on May 14, 2018 14:37:47 GMT -7
Fury and frustration still thrummed through my veins harks pinned against my crown as I glare at the horizon before me. How dare she. The thought has a snarl ripping free from my kissers the fury swelling even further within my chest. The agitation has my ribbons lashing against my hindquarters dagger lifting only to slam back the ground, but it gives me no release from the chaos within. “Damn her.” The curse slips free unbidden the words a murderous growl fueled by the storm of emotions coursing through my being. I had hoped that within my solitude I would find some way of finding a little peace to ease the agony held within my soul, and yet it eluded me. Despite the clear night sky with the beauty of luminescent constellations to gaze upon I could not find even if a slither of the peace I craved. All because of a mere mortal. All because of her. Divine should not have been able to enthral me, yet she had thus I now found myself paying the consequences of a foolish obsession and the spurring from the mare in question. I had understood her reasoning for not wanting a connection to begin with. It was why I had never pushed anything. Now, however? I struggled to understand her. I felt used. I felt a fool.
Perhaps I was a fool. After all, I had never made any attempts to dismiss my interest in her. I had never attempted to prevent such an obsession from taking hold. I had followed it blindly not caring for how it affected my position within the underworld. Oh, how I'd paid the price for that. Raping the light queen hadn't been something I'd taken enjoyment from, nor was it something I had been particularly willing to do out of concern for how Divine would take it, but it had been necessary. It was ironic how it had not been for my safety but for the safety of Divine considering she had made it clear she wanted nothing to do with me. “Damn her to hell.” This time when the snarled words slip free there's a broken edge to them pain bleeding into the anger heating my limbs. “Why?” Whether the cry is a plea or a demand I don't know. Yet it slips free nonetheless as my crown raises to the heavens my orbs tracing from one star to another as if I could find an answer to my question within the beauty of the twilight sky. “Why must I be tortured so? Why her?”
Anguish resonates within the cry fury giving way to the bitter taste of torment. Who the question is directed towards I have no idea. Fate perhaps. Maybe the universe for putting me in such a predicament. Was this punishment for my own past? Was it fate deciding to give me a taste of my own medicine? Was such suffering a reminder that I did not deserve redemption? There was denying the fact that I had done wrong in the past for Lexi was not the first mare I had taken against her will. Blood and deception had littered my past since a mare had driven me to madness. Yet now I found a different mare driving me to a different kind of madness. Such a realisation has a bitter laugh escaping past my kissers for a brief moment my large cranium thrashing from one side to another. “I tried to be different. I tried to be better.” With such a tortured cry I once again find the fury swelling this time such anger directed instead at the universe instead of the mare in question. Had fate decided that there was so much blood in my ledger that it would never wash out fully? “What more do you want from me?”
My voice breaks at that one anguish and despair twisting my vocal cords as my legs tremble beneath me my frame threatening to give way. In my turmoil I barely notice the sound of a hawk cry, however, the movement from it circling above me only to then land on a branch overhead draws my attention. For a moment I merely gaze it as it gazes at me not sure what to make of it. In a way, it feels as if it’s judging me. I’m about to demand what it is is it wants when it tilts its head eyes appearing silver in the moonlight. The exact same silver as hers. The air leaves me in one shuddering exhales front pillars giving way so that my mass crashes to its knees. Something gives way my soul shattering desolate and broken as a million pieces cry out for something that my mind can no longer comprehend. A ragged sob tears free eyelids squeezing shut for a moment only for me orbs to land on those silver eyes once more when they reopen. “I just wanted to protect her. I just wanted to keep her safe.” There’s another head tilt at that and a ruffling of feathers as the hawk fixates me with an accusing stare. No, you wanted to possess her. Isn't that what you’ve been telling yourself? Isn’t that what you’ve been desperately trying to convince yourself? Whether the voice is in my own head of the hawk actually talking I don’t know not in my current state of mind. The accusation, however, has my cranium shaking violently the denial springing from my kissers instantly. “No. It was an obsession yet I never wished to break her. Yes, I began to care but it is nothing more the feelings are no deeper than anything born out of respect for her.”
The denial is a desperate one as if I’m desperately trying to fight off something that I can no longer deny. Not even to myself. The hawk merely blinks at me slowly in response an air of indignation seeping from it. Stop lying to yourself. If it was nothing more then why did her spurning distress you so? Why did you loathe her paying another stallion attention? Unbidden the accusations have me flinching eyelids once more closing as I try to come up with something against them. Yet I find nothing. As much as I try I can’t find anything.“I don't want this right now." Her words from our last meeting echo through my mind bringing with it a fresh wave of torment crashing through me. Do you deny it? The echoing demand within has another broken sob free my eyelids tightening over purple orbs even further as my archway bows beneath the weight if it all. “No. No, I do not deny it.” The hoarse words slip free no louder than a whisper defeat echoing within my lyrics.
The sound of beating wings has my orbs opening once more my tortured gaze immediately meeting silver, as the hawk settles itself in front of me. “I do not deny that the thought of another touching her made me feel sick from jealousy. I do not deny that her choosing her king over me hurt after I was the one to check that the helkaer was causing her no harm. I do not deny that her spurning me hurt beyond anything I believed it could. I deny however the extent of my feelings because I know not how my soul could stand knowing it with eternity before me.” The admittance escapes spontaneously desolation echoing throughout every fibre of my being another sob threatening to rip free as the shards of my soul tremble. So you’ll just spend eternity running instead? Perhaps you need to accept your feelings instead of doing what you are currently in order to overcome it if that is what you truly wish to do. Doesn't that seem like a smarter idea instead of running away like a coward? It‘s as if the damn thing is mocking me twisting the knife even further. Before I can retort at all the hawk is spreading its wings taking to the air once more with one final judgmental lazy blink at me. Absentmindedly my gaze follows it until the point where it finally disappears from sight, thus leaving me alone once again.
As soon as it does the rest of my frame slumps to the ground exhaustion washing through my limbs. It feels as if I have no energy left for anything. There is just a hollowness that radiates through me a weight that will not go away. How long I find myself lying there gaze unseeing my mind in a state of limbo I know not, eventually, however, the numbness fades away a ragged inhale casing my frame to shudder as the emotions swell within once more. “Divine.” It’s a whisper a pray almost as if uttering her name could summon her here before me. What good would such a thing do though? It would change nothing. Still, I find my obs closing my mind easily calling forth an image of her. Every inch...every little detail is engraved within my mind allowing me to conjure a perfect replica. Even though it is a mere illusion her beauty has my breath catching. I had always been swept away by her grace and elegance, but it had always been more than that. From day one everything about her had captured my undivided attention. “My love” Two words...two hesitantly whispered words and I find everything shifting once one. The pain is still there and anguish for something that can not be, but there’s a sense of faint acceptance enough so that my shatter soul begins to reassemble.
Perhaps time will do the rest. The sound of another approaching has my attention turning away from such thoughts my cranium twisting towards the source of the sound. The sight of my daughter approaching instinctively has my gaze softening a faint smile appearing on my kisses. “Morrigan you should not be here.” I do not have the heart to scold her as such there is no bite to the words, yet my daughter has the grace to look a little sheepish about her presence.“I know papa but for some reason, I felt the need to find you.” There’s a hesitancy to her words her maw touching my shoulder as soon as she reaches me concern shining as clear as day in her orbs. “Are you okay papa? I heard you in distress.” To hear such distress for my welfare has guilt rolling through me my archway stretching slightly so I can nuzzle her cheek gently. “I will be little one I just need some time.” I try to make my tones reassuring ones not wanting to cause her any more distress. Judging by the look the chimeric yearling gives me I haven't done very well. Still, for a moment she says nothing instead choosing to curl up beside me tucking her smaller frame against my own. Automatically I curl myself around her as my as possible teeth absentmindedly nibbling on a strand of her mane.
“Papa...is it about that mare? The one you were watching at that meeting? She was important wasn't she?” Her questions have a slight sigh escaping past my kissers ribbons abandoned so a rueful smile can ghost across my kissers. Damn youngsters and their observations. “Yes she was important she was a queen. She has been on my mind for some time little one.” It was an underestimate a huge one, but my daughter is young so I keep it simple tones quietly spoken ones. “You never looked at mama like you did at her.” I can almost sense the frown gracing my daughter's expression as she tries to make sense of it a hint of confusion in her quiet words. “No...but then I never loved your mother. I respected her but I never fell in love which her. This other mare you saw well I love her. It is complicated little one too complicated for me to explain to you.” It’s a difficult explanation to give my voice pausing every now and again as I chose my wording. Still, it feels freeing in a way to finally admit my feelings to another. My daughter I know will not judge me either. “Does she know papa? Have you told her?” With curiosity on her face, my daughter turns her head towards me inquisitive orbs gazing at my mask. “No little one she does not. Perhaps in time, I will but for now, it is better to keep it a secret.”
After all, I had no idea how she would react. While I had taken the first step in admitting it to myself I was not ready yet to do so a thing to the mare in question. “Now sleep it is late my daughter.” The soft demand s followed by a gentle nudge to which the multi-hued filly lets out a slight grumble before lowering her crown. It does not take long for sleep to find her sides evening out as her lungs find their pace within her unconscious state. “Sweet dreams little one.” It’s a mere whisper my loving gaze watching her for a while before once more returning to the heavens. For a moment I gaze at the constellations a sense of insignificance washing through me as echoes of a concoction of emotions swirls within my aching soul. Yet it feels right to close y eyes and allow one final softly spoken blessing to escape past my kissers. “Sweet dreams Divine my love.”
Word count: 2,288 (point system for word count confused me so not sure how much this racks p)
Notes: Morrigan is a year old in this, while Liberius thinks he is talking to the hawk he's actually arguing with himself. Not sure about a couple of these bonuses but I thought I'd throw them in encase.
Bonus attempts:
3,000 points - Hawkeye
5,000 points - Madman: If your character verbally argues with themselves as a result of an internal struggle. Should be an actual dialogue, not just a few words or sentence.
6,000 points - Bonus Go-Getter: Acquire 5+ Bonuses (not including word count).
7,000 points - Verbose Loquacity
9,000 points - Mama/Papa Bear: Have your character bring his/her foal(s) along! Can be stacked with Multiple Character bonus.
15,000 points - You Talk too Much: Hit the 2,000 word count milestone.
20,000 points - Multiple Characters: More than one is featured throughout the entry. Cannot be minor dialogue/appearance, they must have a purpose and be as predominant as the other character(s). (* Scenarios may state using one character, but you may use multiples.)
Perhaps I was a fool. After all, I had never made any attempts to dismiss my interest in her. I had never attempted to prevent such an obsession from taking hold. I had followed it blindly not caring for how it affected my position within the underworld. Oh, how I'd paid the price for that. Raping the light queen hadn't been something I'd taken enjoyment from, nor was it something I had been particularly willing to do out of concern for how Divine would take it, but it had been necessary. It was ironic how it had not been for my safety but for the safety of Divine considering she had made it clear she wanted nothing to do with me. “Damn her to hell.” This time when the snarled words slip free there's a broken edge to them pain bleeding into the anger heating my limbs. “Why?” Whether the cry is a plea or a demand I don't know. Yet it slips free nonetheless as my crown raises to the heavens my orbs tracing from one star to another as if I could find an answer to my question within the beauty of the twilight sky. “Why must I be tortured so? Why her?”
Anguish resonates within the cry fury giving way to the bitter taste of torment. Who the question is directed towards I have no idea. Fate perhaps. Maybe the universe for putting me in such a predicament. Was this punishment for my own past? Was it fate deciding to give me a taste of my own medicine? Was such suffering a reminder that I did not deserve redemption? There was denying the fact that I had done wrong in the past for Lexi was not the first mare I had taken against her will. Blood and deception had littered my past since a mare had driven me to madness. Yet now I found a different mare driving me to a different kind of madness. Such a realisation has a bitter laugh escaping past my kissers for a brief moment my large cranium thrashing from one side to another. “I tried to be different. I tried to be better.” With such a tortured cry I once again find the fury swelling this time such anger directed instead at the universe instead of the mare in question. Had fate decided that there was so much blood in my ledger that it would never wash out fully? “What more do you want from me?”
My voice breaks at that one anguish and despair twisting my vocal cords as my legs tremble beneath me my frame threatening to give way. In my turmoil I barely notice the sound of a hawk cry, however, the movement from it circling above me only to then land on a branch overhead draws my attention. For a moment I merely gaze it as it gazes at me not sure what to make of it. In a way, it feels as if it’s judging me. I’m about to demand what it is is it wants when it tilts its head eyes appearing silver in the moonlight. The exact same silver as hers. The air leaves me in one shuddering exhales front pillars giving way so that my mass crashes to its knees. Something gives way my soul shattering desolate and broken as a million pieces cry out for something that my mind can no longer comprehend. A ragged sob tears free eyelids squeezing shut for a moment only for me orbs to land on those silver eyes once more when they reopen. “I just wanted to protect her. I just wanted to keep her safe.” There’s another head tilt at that and a ruffling of feathers as the hawk fixates me with an accusing stare. No, you wanted to possess her. Isn't that what you’ve been telling yourself? Isn’t that what you’ve been desperately trying to convince yourself? Whether the voice is in my own head of the hawk actually talking I don’t know not in my current state of mind. The accusation, however, has my cranium shaking violently the denial springing from my kissers instantly. “No. It was an obsession yet I never wished to break her. Yes, I began to care but it is nothing more the feelings are no deeper than anything born out of respect for her.”
The denial is a desperate one as if I’m desperately trying to fight off something that I can no longer deny. Not even to myself. The hawk merely blinks at me slowly in response an air of indignation seeping from it. Stop lying to yourself. If it was nothing more then why did her spurning distress you so? Why did you loathe her paying another stallion attention? Unbidden the accusations have me flinching eyelids once more closing as I try to come up with something against them. Yet I find nothing. As much as I try I can’t find anything.
The sound of beating wings has my orbs opening once more my tortured gaze immediately meeting silver, as the hawk settles itself in front of me. “I do not deny that the thought of another touching her made me feel sick from jealousy. I do not deny that her choosing her king over me hurt after I was the one to check that the helkaer was causing her no harm. I do not deny that her spurning me hurt beyond anything I believed it could. I deny however the extent of my feelings because I know not how my soul could stand knowing it with eternity before me.” The admittance escapes spontaneously desolation echoing throughout every fibre of my being another sob threatening to rip free as the shards of my soul tremble. So you’ll just spend eternity running instead? Perhaps you need to accept your feelings instead of doing what you are currently in order to overcome it if that is what you truly wish to do. Doesn't that seem like a smarter idea instead of running away like a coward? It‘s as if the damn thing is mocking me twisting the knife even further. Before I can retort at all the hawk is spreading its wings taking to the air once more with one final judgmental lazy blink at me. Absentmindedly my gaze follows it until the point where it finally disappears from sight, thus leaving me alone once again.
As soon as it does the rest of my frame slumps to the ground exhaustion washing through my limbs. It feels as if I have no energy left for anything. There is just a hollowness that radiates through me a weight that will not go away. How long I find myself lying there gaze unseeing my mind in a state of limbo I know not, eventually, however, the numbness fades away a ragged inhale casing my frame to shudder as the emotions swell within once more. “Divine.” It’s a whisper a pray almost as if uttering her name could summon her here before me. What good would such a thing do though? It would change nothing. Still, I find my obs closing my mind easily calling forth an image of her. Every inch...every little detail is engraved within my mind allowing me to conjure a perfect replica. Even though it is a mere illusion her beauty has my breath catching. I had always been swept away by her grace and elegance, but it had always been more than that. From day one everything about her had captured my undivided attention. “My love” Two words...two hesitantly whispered words and I find everything shifting once one. The pain is still there and anguish for something that can not be, but there’s a sense of faint acceptance enough so that my shatter soul begins to reassemble.
Perhaps time will do the rest. The sound of another approaching has my attention turning away from such thoughts my cranium twisting towards the source of the sound. The sight of my daughter approaching instinctively has my gaze softening a faint smile appearing on my kisses. “Morrigan you should not be here.” I do not have the heart to scold her as such there is no bite to the words, yet my daughter has the grace to look a little sheepish about her presence.
After all, I had no idea how she would react. While I had taken the first step in admitting it to myself I was not ready yet to do so a thing to the mare in question. “Now sleep it is late my daughter.” The soft demand s followed by a gentle nudge to which the multi-hued filly lets out a slight grumble before lowering her crown. It does not take long for sleep to find her sides evening out as her lungs find their pace within her unconscious state. “Sweet dreams little one.” It’s a mere whisper my loving gaze watching her for a while before once more returning to the heavens. For a moment I gaze at the constellations a sense of insignificance washing through me as echoes of a concoction of emotions swirls within my aching soul. Yet it feels right to close y eyes and allow one final softly spoken blessing to escape past my kissers. “Sweet dreams Divine my love.”
Word count: 2,288 (point system for word count confused me so not sure how much this racks p)
Notes: Morrigan is a year old in this, while Liberius thinks he is talking to the hawk he's actually arguing with himself. Not sure about a couple of these bonuses but I thought I'd throw them in encase.
Bonus attempts:
3,000 points - Hawkeye
5,000 points - Madman: If your character verbally argues with themselves as a result of an internal struggle. Should be an actual dialogue, not just a few words or sentence.
6,000 points - Bonus Go-Getter: Acquire 5+ Bonuses (not including word count).
7,000 points - Verbose Loquacity
9,000 points - Mama/Papa Bear: Have your character bring his/her foal(s) along! Can be stacked with Multiple Character bonus.
15,000 points - You Talk too Much: Hit the 2,000 word count milestone.
20,000 points - Multiple Characters: More than one is featured throughout the entry. Cannot be minor dialogue/appearance, they must have a purpose and be as predominant as the other character(s). (* Scenarios may state using one character, but you may use multiples.)