[fleabittengray]

Back then, I wasn't hopeful
But now my ink's blood-red, not black
And I'll blink like ripping envelopes
In the hopes that you'll write back

He felt hopeless. How could he have been so pathetically stupid? How had the Helkaer aligned mare been able to trick him so easily? Looking back now, Xovad could see the warning signs, but he'd been too hurt, too hopeful, too blind to the dangers of getting close to someone. And now, he may never be able to trust a stranger again. Could he even trust those he knew? Did he even know anyone? He was spending less and less time in Lyrarcor now, which at least meant his body was growing stronger due to not being surrounded by the Curse upon the Highlands as much, but now his poor, retired mother was having to pick up his slack. Xovad felt like a complete and utter failure at this point. What other tragedies was he going to befall in his lifetime? What other dirtbags were going to waste his time and lie to him? Thinking about her now, of how he had started to fall for her, or who he'd thought she was at the time, made him want to be sick.

And then there was Nixi. Sweet, darling Nixi - a killer now, just like himself. What was she going to say when she found out? He was mortified. He felt like he had betrayed her, even though it wasn't like Nixi hadn't had children with other men before. It really shouldn't be any different for him to have slept with one mare. The issue was that she was Helkaer aligned, but he had been tricked and lied to! She had deceived him. And not only that, she was a Cambion - though oddly enough, Xovad hadn't experienced any issues with the Cambion disease. Which was odd, but he hadn't really though much about that, because he was so distraught over everything else.

Honestly, he'd been on edge since the death of Ragnar and Dahlia getting taken, and then Hymn going as part of the tax Nemesis held over Lyrarcor. He felt isolated and alone and ready to snap at any given second. It was part of the reason he was spending so much time in the Free Lands these days. He was scared of snapping at his mom, or at Lirana, his remaining sibling. They didn't deserve that, especially since it had been Lirana that had run for help and it was because of her that Hymn was even still alive, honestly. Because had she not gotten Saniyya, and Saniyya not contacted Duramus, Hymn would be dead. That still weighed very heavily on him. Xovad hoped that his brother and sister were not being tortured, wherever it was that they were. He worried most for Dahlia, since she was youngest, but he hoped and prayed that the minimal training she had been through would be enough to keep her mentally strong while in the Helkaer's grasp.

A geyser erupting to his left had him snapping out of his thoughts. Xovad blinked, head lifting, red eyes looking around. Huh. He hadn't even realized that he'd come to Geysir. He'd just honestly been wandering, lost in troubled thoughts.

[Tagged: Open]
[Words: 516]
[Character: Xovad / Valfrid]
[Notes: Open to whoever c:]
[Timeline: 7 years, autumn, late afternoon, after Yvette tells him the truth, before La Laurie's Coronation]
"Speech"